Mugara
if i count to ten, will it all go away?
- Sep 12, 2018
- 40
I have a week or less to finalize my plan. I was planning to suicide since the beginning of september and haven't got close to completion. I can't get specific amount of SN as it sells in my country only in 25kg packages, but I'm still looking to bypass it. If not SN then SWB or partial suspencion.
I have a fourth option. When I did my second attempt I went to railways nearby to get decaptitated.
Once train approached I stood up in an indescribable panic but got hit by it, knocked off to rail ties and it continued to move above me. Surely not pleasant, luckly no serious injuries. If it were freight train I would be teared to pieces as it has a huge metal details of whatever at it's bottom.
I can attempt it again, I know a place where my body won't be discovered long enough (if of course same train doesn't stop to check what happened). But to build up courage is different. I keep it as a last possible option if I fail everything else.
To push myself I'm erasing my "presence" in this world and what I hold close to me. I already deleted everything from my phone, blocked contacts, closed all media profiles I had and changed passwords to never get access again (mashed keys to randomize it). Last step will be formatting my pc drives. I have my whole life there.
It will be a point of no return if I hit the button.
This can be my pre-goodbye post I guess. Hope to enjoy my last week.
I have a fourth option. When I did my second attempt I went to railways nearby to get decaptitated.
Once train approached I stood up in an indescribable panic but got hit by it, knocked off to rail ties and it continued to move above me. Surely not pleasant, luckly no serious injuries. If it were freight train I would be teared to pieces as it has a huge metal details of whatever at it's bottom.
I can attempt it again, I know a place where my body won't be discovered long enough (if of course same train doesn't stop to check what happened). But to build up courage is different. I keep it as a last possible option if I fail everything else.
To push myself I'm erasing my "presence" in this world and what I hold close to me. I already deleted everything from my phone, blocked contacts, closed all media profiles I had and changed passwords to never get access again (mashed keys to randomize it). Last step will be formatting my pc drives. I have my whole life there.
It will be a point of no return if I hit the button.
This can be my pre-goodbye post I guess. Hope to enjoy my last week.
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