Not knowing

[Dead Already]

How many members feel a direct sense of loss, or pain, rather than relief, not knowing if another member was successful at CTB ?
Even if we don't know each other personally,
It feels very strange to read a post that someone says, "today is the day", respond, look back at their previous posts and get a sense of who and what they are, what they are feeling and going through.
That sense of understanding and the empathetic rush that is felt for that individual, all of a sudden it becomes personal, feels close to the heart, we wish them peace on the journey and then wonder if they made it.
This not knowing is a sensation that I have ever felt before, not despair, more like concern, deep concern.
Did that person find peace?, did the attempt fail?, are they alone, scared and in pain?, is that person suffering even more now?, maybe locked up somewhere being traumatized yet again by an ineffectual, uncaring system gone mad.
I guess what I'm asking is, how does everyone cope with the not knowing, when it becomes personal ?
I find myself starting to care about others again, I dont want that to revert because I'm overlooking something obvious or being self centered.
Damn I hope this makes sense.

 

[Rational man]

I think I understand. I also think of friends that I lost touch with. Some were so kind but I've realised that everyone and everything is just a transient journey, Sometimes exiting and sometimes very painful. its taken an illness to push me into this way of thinking. I have learned recently that some of my old acquainted friends have died. Some deaths were upsetting in so many ways. I think not knowing is at the heart of living. Everything is uncertain so how does ' knowledge ' change anything here ?. I wish you good thoughts.

 

[Forever Sleep]

Yes, there are members here who have simply just disappeared and I suppose I take that to mean they likely CTB without making a goodbye thread. I always used to enjoy reading @ksp 's posts but, they haven't been here in months. I agree- it's a very odd feeling. If they did CTB, I try to feel relieved that their struggle is over but, the not knowing is difficult. Even with a goodbye thread- you're right- we don't know for sure. I guess it's just the nature of this place and we're all aware of it but still- we're all only human. It's natural to miss someone when they were in some way part of your life- even if it was anonymously!

 

[exiled]

You clearly have a heart of compassion for others, which is a beautiful thing. I know that you are afraid of reverting back to having that care due to the supposed selfishness for wanting the best for others, but I must say you sound like you are coming from quite the opposite place. Selflessness. Deep care. Concern. Nothing wrong with that; being pro-choice does not mean you cannot feel emotions that involve concern for another. I hope you do not become hardened to that love you have for others due to SS or anything else. It is not something to push away, but to embrace.

On the same token, please do take care of yourself. This place is really sad. Seeing people attempt left and right and not ever really having direct answers is a mega toll. I struggle with this quite often myself, and I try my hardest to scroll past goodbye threads for this reason. But obviously, I cannot always help it. My heart aches especially because my childhood best friend passed away and was an avid member here before she did. So, with every supposed death or attempt, I think of her. I think of her loneliness in her final hours, and I wonder about those who were in their final moments. Were they at peace? If I think about it too much, I think about Melanie too much. And it hurts me deeply.

Surely you can have compassion for someone you met through a screen. And of course it can feel personal. And deep.

I think accepting that we cannot have certain answers here on SS is really a tough pill to swallow. It really is painful but all we can do is keep loving, keep supporting, and keep attempting to assist those around us with all that we have to offer. Perhaps one day we will all meet again in the afterlife. And then we will be assured that everyone is finally okay.

 

[locked*n*loaded]

I think very few who CTB have actually ever been verified here on SaSu. It can be hard not knowing for sure, whether they're at peace or (hopefully not) something worse.

 

[Dead Already]

You clearly have a heart of compassion for others, which is a beautiful thing. I know that you are afraid of reverting back to having that care due to the supposed selfishness for wanting the best for others, but I must say you sound like you are coming from quite the opposite place. Selflessness. Deep care. Concern. Nothing wrong with that; being pro-choice does not mean you cannot feel emotions that involve concern for another. I hope you do not become hardened to that love you have for others due to SS or anything else. It is not something to push away, but to embrace.

On the same token, please do take care of yourself. This place is really sad. Seeing people attempt left and right and not ever really having direct answers is a mega toll. I struggle with this quite often myself, and I try my hardest to scroll past goodbye threads for this reason. But obviously, I cannot always help it. My heart aches especially because my childhood best friend passed away and was an avid member here before she did. So, with every supposed death or attempt, I think of her. I think of her loneliness in her final hours, and I wonder about those who were in their final moments. Were they at peace? If I think about it too much, I think about Melanie too much. And it hurts me deeply.

Surely you can have compassion for someone you met through a screen. And of course it can feel personal. And deep.

I think accepting that we cannot have certain answers here on SS is really a tough pill to swallow. It really is painful but all we can do is keep loving, keep supporting, and keep attempting to assist those around us with all that we have to offer. Perhaps one day we will all meet again in the afterlife. And then we will be assured that everyone is finally okay.

Thank you so very much,
This is a very vexing forum sometimes, honestly though since I got here I've seen more care and compassion for others than I have seen in my whole life.
Beyond my own personal issues, the recent loss of many, too many close friends to suicide, is part of why I joined.
I think I know what you feel over the loss of Melanie, I hope she is waiting for you with outstretched arms and a healed heart when you see her again in the afterlife.
For you as well, take care of yourself.
Thank you again for your meaningful response, it made a bright spot for me on this day.

 

[ksp]

there are members here who have simply just disappeared

i'm sorry i caused any discomfort
i've been away for a long time, but my time is coming soon (less than 2 months from now)
i know a lot of people here will envy me - i've been approved for maid

 

[Forever Sleep]

i'm sorry i caused any discomfort
i've been away for a long time, but my time is coming soon (less than 2 months from now)
i know a lot of people here will envy me - i've been approved for maid

I'm so happy to hear from you. You've nothing to apologise for. And I'm pleased for you that you've been approved for MAID. That's got to be a massive relief. Are you doing anything special with your last 2 months?

 

[ksp]

That's got to be a massive relief

to be honest, i'm not very relieved because most people here will not be as lucky as me (such as uk and usa)

i lived my life, and i am satisfied with it

i have a terminal illness and i accepted it more than 10 years ago

there is no debate about maid for terminal illness, and all countries need to understand this:
- how can you refuse MAID to a 5 years-old with terminal cancer? how can you?!?

the only social debate about euthanasia would be about involuntary death: people unable to consent (newborns, alzheimer's, etc)

the rest of humanity has the fundamental freedom and intelligence to decide for themselves