Not having a plan for suicide gives me anxiety

[prompt_critical]

I realised this after several weeks of getting ready, practicing etc and carrying a vacuum sealed rope and plastic bag around with me everywhere, so I can leave at any time.

Now people are trying to talk sense into me, but it's gone beyond reason. I have to CTB because it's my only goal and if that's taken from me life is meaningless again. Depression and BPD and suffering, sparked everything but in general are just confabulated post-hoc nonsense now.

I'm worried the whole idea of suicide is becoming something obsessive even, it makes every other problem in life seem miniscule and that's a beautiful feeling.

 

[OnMyLast Legs]

I'm worried the whole idea of suicide is becoming something obsessive even, it makes every other problem in life seem miniscule and that's a beautiful feeling.

It does provide relief as a thought. But relief is a conscious state. I'm dealing with the horrifying realization that I won't feel it in death. When you hang yourself, you just hang yourself--

Even saying "and then nothing" is misleading.

 

[prompt_critical]

It does provide relief as a thought. But relief is a conscious state. I'm dealing with the horrifying realization that I won't feel it in death. When you hang yourself, you just hang yourself--

Even saying "and then nothing" is misleading.

You feel that every night in deep sleep. It's not so bad, your brain can't picture nothingness so it pictures horrors in its place.

 

[OnMyLast Legs]

You feel that every night in deep sleep. It's not so bad, your brain can't picture nothingness so it pictures horrors in its place.

I hope that's true. I've been wondering if sleep is not quite unconscious the way anaesthesia is. There are dreams and half-aware snoozing. But a lot of it is time warp like going under. I think I'm gonna attempt tonight. I'm more scared of continued awareness.

(I say that now...)

 

[metfan647]

I like the thought you have of how it makes every other problem in life seem miniscule and that's a beautiful feeling. I hope that I'll be at more peace once my plans are more concrete.

So far, it hasn't helped with my social anxiety. Even I am 'mentally closer' than ever, I get my pathethic symptoms in the most trivial of situations.

 

[prompt_critical]

I hope that's true. I've been wondering if sleep is not quite unconscious the way anaesthesia is. There are dreams and half-aware snoozing. But a lot of it is time warp like going under. I think I'm gonna attempt tonight. I'm more scared of continued awareness.

(I say that now...)

Godspeed if you do, I hope it's truly oblivion. I think eternity is scary but like you say it's a time warp, you don't have to hang around there.

I try to think of the billions of years before my brain existed to get over that tbh, you can't be bored without a brain, or lonely.

 

[Defenestration]

Je m'en suis rendu compte après plusieurs semaines de préparation, d'entraînement, etc., et après avoir transporté partout avec moi une corde sous vide et un sac en plastique, pour pouvoir partir à tout moment.

Maintenant, on essaie de me raisonner, mais c'est devenu irrationnel. Je dois continuer à vivre pleinement car c'est mon seul but et si on me l'enlève, la vie n'aura plus aucun sens. La dépression, le trouble de la personnalité limite et la souffrance en général sont…

Je crains que l'idée même de suicide ne devienne une obsession, au point de rendre tous les autres problèmes de la vie insignifiants, et c'est un sentiment merveilleux.

The same