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sufferingalways
Avoiding flashing images, epilepsy.
- Apr 26, 2020
- 550
hi, i have gone from feeling so-so on a daily basis to much less able to remain at that mid level, due to emotional coldness from someone i thought was a friend. i feel dumb for hoping for warmth. sadly this persons coldness pushes me more towards planning ctb. On top of all the other abuses, this is too much. I do not want to live any more. I cant cope. life is torture. every direction is abuse (neighbour/ landlord /) now the person i share the flat with, known for over 25 years and who i *thought* was a friend. They know I suffer with ctb thoughts, and why. I make it open communication, which we both agree on. Being open, I mean. We agreed a long time ago, on being "Don't beat about the bush or bottle it up, spit it out," kind of people.
I now feel dumb for expecting this warmth from him. Its almost like i have to be .. i don't know what point .. I'm not coherent at the moment because as well as starved of night sleep im now disturbed daily by drilling after ive been asleep only 5 hrs or 6. I really need to ctb soon. this is not a life. as someone else on here stated so clearly and concise, if this is a gift, this life, give me the receipt so i can return it. appreciated the phrase. it fits for me too.
before this landlord deprived me of sleep, i did not suffer with ctb thoughts.
If anyone can send a hug please i would appreciate it. I feel so alone.
I now feel dumb for expecting this warmth from him. Its almost like i have to be .. i don't know what point .. I'm not coherent at the moment because as well as starved of night sleep im now disturbed daily by drilling after ive been asleep only 5 hrs or 6. I really need to ctb soon. this is not a life. as someone else on here stated so clearly and concise, if this is a gift, this life, give me the receipt so i can return it. appreciated the phrase. it fits for me too.
before this landlord deprived me of sleep, i did not suffer with ctb thoughts.
If anyone can send a hug please i would appreciate it. I feel so alone.