Venting Not doing well lately

[Angst Filled Fuck Up]

I'm back. And I feel angry and sick. Literally nauseated at my own inconsequential, ineffective, invisible life. I am so full of unhappiness.

Nothing I do has any value or excitement to it. The people in my world just tolerate me. I'm a bad and selfish relative and boyfriend. I have no job outside of some gig work, and no friends or nearby family. I don't even have hobbies outside of mindless YouTube videos. You lack context and exist in a vacuum when you're in that situation. You're a nothing.

I never have enough money to achieve anything meaningful or get out of my mountain of debt. I just smoke my cigarettes and eat a little junk food. Then I pass out and do it all over again.

After 6 years I am still struggling with an diagnosed medical issue. On top of the usual mental health stuff many of us wrestle with. My mind plagues me with anxiety, self-doubt, rumination and gloom.

I am forever saddled with crappy relationships where I'm not happy. I want to love women but they irritate/frustrate me. I'm not good at doing "the dance" to meet new ones either. You have to be a man of value, interest, excitement, and keep things mysterious and captivating if you want them to talk to you for longer than a week. I just can't be fucking bothered. And being kind of wacko and high strung with nothing to offer doesn't help.

I feel so lonely and unfulfilled. A spectator, an observer, and forever faking being okay. An eternal fish out of water. Awkward, lacking roots or goals or drive. My crappy gig work has onlymade me even more misanthropic. The emptiness is overwhelming.

I've lost 50lbs since I last posted here because I don't care to eat much anymore. I'm old too, man. Pushing 40 soon. And I have nothing at all together. Everything feels like it's too late.

I'm just sick of it all, and the world is getting more bat shit crazy by the day. I can't relate to any of it now. All we have left is boring social media and tired memes.

I won't ctb, but I want to get off this stupid ride.

Thanks for reading.

 

[Good4Nothing]

Are you me? I feel EXACTLY the same.

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

You have to be a man of value, interest, excitement, and keep things mysterious and captivating if you want them to talk to you for longer than a week.

Just getting to know someone new should be mysterious and captivating enough. If they crave more, they're craving a drug and -- what? an RPG? -- not a real-life relationship.

 

[Worthless_nobody]

I'm back. And I feel angry and sick. Literally nauseated at my own inconsequential, ineffective, invisible life. I am so full of unhappiness.

Nothing I do has any value or excitement to it. The people in my world just tolerate me. I'm a bad and selfish relative and boyfriend. I have no job outside of some gig work, and no friends or nearby family. I don't even have hobbies outside of mindless YouTube videos. You lack context and exist in a vacuum when you're in that situation. You're a nothing.

I never have enough money to achieve anything meaningful or get out of my mountain of debt. I just smoke my cigarettes and eat a little junk food. Then I pass out and do it all over again.

After 6 years I am still struggling with an diagnosed medical issue. On top of the usual mental health stuff many of us wrestle with. My mind plagues me with anxiety, self-doubt, rumination and gloom.

I am forever saddled with crappy relationships where I'm not happy. I want to love women but they irritate/frustrate me. I'm not good at doing "the dance" to meet new ones either. You have to be a man of value, interest, excitement, and keep things mysterious and captivating if you want them to talk to you for longer than a week. I just can't be fucking bothered. And being kind of wacko and high strung with nothing to offer doesn't help.

I feel so lonely and unfulfilled. A spectator, an observer, and forever faking being okay. An eternal fish out of water. Awkward, lacking roots or goals or drive. My crappy gig work has onlymade me even more misanthropic. The emptiness is overwhelming.

I've lost 50lbs since I last posted here because I don't care to eat much anymore. I'm old too, man. Pushing 40 soon. And I have nothing at all together. Everything feels like it's too late.

I'm just sick of it all, and the world is getting more bat shit crazy by the day. I can't relate to any of it now. All we have left is boring social media and tired memes.

I won't ctb, but I want to get off this stupid ride.

Thanks for reading.

I feel like I wrote most of that myself. I so so relate. When I first joined you were the first person to comment on my post and give me a like. I remembered that and I hadn't seen you around much I had hoped you were doing ok. I'm so sorry your still struggling, I am too. Sending you hugs. ❤