Discussion Not Being Able to Accept Who You Are

[lovemelovemenot]

I feel like we're always told by people in our lives things like "be yourself" "embrace your flaws" "prioritze self-love". But what if you just genuinely don't like who you are? When I've tried to do the whole self-acceptance thing I end up feeling worse because it's like there's two people battling in my head with different opinions and one of them is lying to make myself feel better while the other is just saying how I really feel. Does that make sense?

Like I know I'm not normal, I'm a bit off. I don't know how to socialize and I hate that about myself. Some people seem to shrug things like this off and embrace it, but it's something that bothers me deeply everyday. The fact that I just can't relate to people and make friends and blend in. It's lonely as hell. And it bothers me more and more as time goes on. It's the same thing for my phsyical looks. I hate my body, my loose skin. I can't look into the mirror and pretend to like what I see. I don't. But then there are people with worse defects like having burns, having lost limbs, ect., who yes while they probably struggle themselves with happiness still find a way to love who they are.

Someone might say well, if you don't love yourself and can't accept who you are then just change what you don't like. But what if you have tried and things just don't get better? What if the things you hate the most you just can't change?

Can anyone else relate or deal with these thoughts? It's such an isolating feeling.

 

[akrasia]

I can totally relate to you. I've been insecure about my appearance since I was young. I have always been told to "ignore what people think of you" "it's not that bad, people have it worst" "why are you so insecure" "just love yourself". I wish it was as easy as how they say it. I never like myself, of course some days I would love myself but it would be short lived.

 

[medicore]

I can relate too. The only difference between me and you is that there is only 1 "opinion" inside of me. There isn't a debate between "Be loving of yourself" and "Why are you here? You don't belong". It's always the 2nd one. Even if I'm just sitting in class, sometimes I'll feel like an idiot for trying to do the work. "You're a fraud", "Look at all these other people.. Actually smart, belong here" in spite of the fact that I know, in my cold mind, that I learn faster of any of the people in the classroom. It's why I don't even eat in the cafeteria during lunch. It's not that I don't want to see other people, I just couldn't sit down and talk to anyone because I feel super strongly like that's not my place. Wherever I go, some part of me will shoot me down and tell me to go back into hiding, where nobody can see the walking pile of shit I am.

 

[Moonomyth]

The unspoken element of this advice is that it's supposed to create a kind of positive feedback loop. The assumption is that you don't love yourself, and that is manifesting outwardly in your behaviors, and so other people are picking up on that and react negatively in kind. Loving yourself would in theory lead to positive behaviors and positive reactions from the people around you.

Loving your appearance instead of being insecure about it is then supposed to give you a kind of confidence that appears in behavioral patterns like eye contact, posture, speaking volume, etc. That will make other people love your appearance too. It's bullshit, but people believe it.

Edit: As for me, people told me to embrace my intellectual side, so I became a pretentious, argumentative pedant who condescends to anyone who hasn't read enough Victorian literature. By any metric I'm probably a worse person now than I was before I took this advice. Yet people really like it! Baffling.

 

[Mr2005]

It's not so much who I am as what I've done. I've learned from it but can't live with it

 

[Final Escape]

I hate myself so much it's difficult to change this.