Not be alone ?

[Living sucks]

Is it possible to not be alone during attempt but not traumatize someone who's unknowing?
I was put in a situation where a person ctbd via chat but I didn't realize they were gonna until they did it.. it was horrible bcuz i wasn't prepared and didn't know what to do. I panicked and was concerned for myself being involved.

I understand their desperation as I'm now faced with having to do this but do not want to be physically alone... so even a phone call or chat can't help me.

Is there any way to do this without traumatizing someone without their knowledge of my attempt?
i live with caregivers who see death obviously, I could take the SN and then ask one to sit with me saying I don't feel well.. I know this will eventually result in them calling ems as I pass out but 15-20 mins would have passed already.. then another 15 for ems and 15 to hospital .. then time to figure out what's wrong .. I'm so sick and frail and close to death i doubt I'll survive a half hour. I know it risks living and psych and so much more.. I'm traumatized by having to ctb and trying to think this thru

They are trained care givers but not nurses so they deal with this stuff and I feel less guilty. I'm scared everyone, so try not to beat me up for this. I do not want to die, but my suffering is unbearable and certain circumstances make it important to go now.

i just do not want to do this physically alone .. maybe even can't .. but I have to end this misery.
I'd rather die in an ambulance or hospital trying to save me than for sure pass alone.. i know this is crazy talk for most of you but it's my true feelings.

If anyone has ideas.. speak em.

 

[Bigyeah]

Is it possible to not be alone during attempt but not traumatize someone who's unknowing?
I was put in a situation where a person ctbd via chat but I didn't realize they were gonna until they did it.. it was horrible bcuz i wasn't prepared and didn't know what to do. I panicked and was concerned for myself being involved.

I understand their desperation as I'm now faced with having to do this but do not want to be physically alone... so even a phone call or chat can't help me.

Is there any way to do this without traumatizing someone without their knowledge of my attempt?
i live with caregivers who see death obviously, I could take the SN and then ask one to sit with me saying I don't feel well.. I know this will eventually result in them calling ems as I pass out but 15-20 mins would have passed already.. then another 15 for ems and 15 to hospital .. then time to figure out what's wrong .. I'm so sick and frail and close to death i doubt I'll survive a half hour. I know it risks living and psych and so much more.. I'm traumatized by having to ctb and trying to think this thru

They are trained care givers but not nurses so they deal with this stuff and I feel less guilty. I'm scared everyone, so try not to beat me up for this. I do not want to die, but my suffering is unbearable and certain circumstances make it important to go now.

i just do not want to do this physically alone .. maybe even can't .. but I have to end this misery.
I'd rather die in an ambulance or hospital trying to save me than for sure pass alone.. i know this is crazy talk for most of you but it's my true feelings.

If anyone has ideas.. speak em.

Hello I feel your pain and understand all the thoughts and emotions going through your mind. I've been doing a lot of reading and research with respect to the "Night night method" here on SS. It is something I want to try and hope it will be successful. Would be nice to have someone to do it with to at least be understanding for one another.

 

[Soul]

I'm sorry you're suffering and scared and that you had that hard experience, @Living sucks.

Do you know these caretakers well? Could you be comfortable talking with them about suicide - maybe by starting with a celebrity - to get a sense of their views on it? Maybe one would understand if you asked them not to phone ems too promptly.

 

[all_pointless]

Please don't let your frustrations lead you to more frustration.. i mean it may well go down that path you don't know or may turn out fine just as you wish but just don't rush it love. I know I'm a stranger but if you trust me i have skype. Any way i wish you a peaceful journey onward. ❤

 

[Living sucks]

I'm sorry you're suffering and scared and that you had that hard experience, @Living sucks.

Do you know these caretakers well? Could you be comfortable talking with them about suicide - maybe by starting with a celebrity - to get a sense of their views on it? Maybe one would understand if you asked them not to phone ems too promptly.

Unfortunately not possible. There's only 2 pro life to the core

 

[FadingAway]

The importance of not being found too soon after ingesting SN is always stressed. I think the risk is high that you'll be saved. I'm very sorry for what you're going through but I don't see a solution to not wanting to go alone unless you had N

 

[rhiino]

Oh dear, this is so sad. The two nurses are the only people that could possibly be there for you? (ingoring the not-knowing part)
An idea would be to state that you took sleeping-pills, they might not call EMS immediately then after you "fall asleep".

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

Have you tried the tourniquet method? I ask because in Five Final Acts, it's a popular method taught to the people who go to their seminars, and then when the time comes that they're in a situation like yours, it's quick and peaceful. However the book doesn't mention the issue of cartoids and how difficult it is for some, so I wonder if the author omits any people who aren't capable of learning it because they can't do it.

I have a lot of compassion for your situation. I hear where you're coming from and what you're struggling with. At the end of this paragraph, I'll arrive at an alternate suggestion, what I wrote leading up to it is how I arrived at it. I think that you're trying to find a way to make what you're thinking of morally and ethically acceptable, like maybe there's a loophole somewhere; maybe someone here will find it and point it out, I'm not that person because it doesn't come to mind. However, I think your experience with that other person taught you more than one valuable thing that you can perhaps turn to your advantage and derive the needed strength from. You understand the potential traumatic outcome of not being able to give informed consent to participating. You understand the desperation of making a choice for your own comfort and human need that can override one'sethics and best intentions. You understand the choices one may make in a place of weakness to take strength from another, but you also understand that the person may not be willing or able to offer it, and that your gain may come at a cost to them. What I wonder and suggest, then, is there any way you can take power from knowing that you are not doing to another what was done to you to get you through those hard moments? Can you imagine something like that person being in front of you and giving them the gift of not involving them, and taking what you need from that gift to get you through?

 

[Living sucks]

Oh dear, this is so sad. The two nurses are the only people that could possibly be there for you? (ingoring the not-knowing part)
An idea would be to state that you took sleeping-pills, they might not call EMS immediately then after you "fall asleep".

Yes .. but the sounds and breathing will be clue.

@GoodPersonEffed. I hear you and understand .. I'm expecting them to call ems and not be put in the "same" situation as I was.. knowing the intent while I'm helpless on the other side. They won't feel helpless .. they will try to help. And it's on me to risk failure that case ... that's the part I don't want.. I need to pass but want the right setting that lessens my fears to act.

I don't think anyone will have a loophole ..

if i survive I'm going to lose what little freedom I have left and my existence will be worse hell than now but I'm equally scared to ctb and die alone as killed by meds and captivity.

 

[Jumper Geo]

Very sorry its sad hearing your in so much pain, if you drink it just before they arrive there is a chance of vomiting with them next to you, so they my notice much sooner and if the hospital and ambulance make you a priority they could arrive sooner.

Sorry for the bad news and not sure how relevant this is to you, I maybe wrong I haven't had a lot of sleep and may have read it wrong so can someone please confirm but I found this document for North Carolina and it seems ambulance staff carry and administer Methylene blue so if you show signs of SN poisoning they can react immediately

https://www.ncems.org/pdf/NCCEPandNCMB-List-Combined-Revised.pdf

Edit: Sorry it doesn't say they carry Methylene blue

I hope you can find peace

Cheers

Geo

 

[Living sucks]

My fear is getting the best of me again today .. and I'll go to sleep with the same circumstances and wake up knowing I'm running out of time.
i can't say but I'm going to devastate really important people and my timing will add to their devastation .. it has to be now .

this fucking hurts so fucking bad ., i wish I could just ride out this hell for them but it's too much.

 

[Wisdom3_1-9]

Now that I've made peace with abandoning my loved ones, this is actually the part that bothers me the most. I don't want to die alone. I wish I could have someone by my side to hold my hand and to tell me it will all be okay when I start to feel the effects of the SN. I know that's not possible, but it's what I wish could happen. I think I'll envision my best friend (who died when he was 18) sitting with me.

 

[JD8080]

I have seen suicide very very close to me . I can handle it because as much as I want to CTB to be with my brother , I saw his face and he never looked so peaceful in his life. I would be there via phone if I could

 

[Living sucks]

Now that I've made peace with abandoning my loved ones, this is actually the part that bothers me the most. I don't want to die alone. I wish I could have someone by my side to hold my hand and to tell me it will all be okay when I start to feel the effects of the SN. I know that's not possible, but it's what I wish could happen. I think I'll envision my best friend (who died when he was 18) sitting with me.

I just learned of a situation where if you're willing to do inert gas .. you don't have to be alone .. but I can't do an exit bag.. too much SI even tho it's probly one of the top most peaceful ways to go.