Not all Trauma's can be healed. Sometimes giving up is better than living with the pain

[Water-Lily]

This is a fucked up mentality to have as a social worker (to be)

Anyways, I feel disgusted when I hear peoples stories of survival

People who managed to take pride in being "strong" and being able to be resilient and live in spite and put in a lot of time to "healing"

But its not something everyone can do

Some people know their limits on how much pain they can live with and take

You're not weak for not wanting to stop the suffering. The suffering never goes away no matter how much work you do

Sure it might get better but the pain is still there

Imo, suicde for trauma reasons is valid. I'm one of them

I know I can't live with certain things, let alone face them

I'm not strong like other survivors who can talk about their pain and choose to live with it and be "free"

Thats too much for me. I know my limitations

 

[Eternal🌈Rainbow]

Thank you for saying this. It's completely true. I'm living it and it's hell and I know it won't end, as long as I'm alive here, existing here, in my reality with what has happened to me. I can't take it and I can't live with it. I know my capabilities and limitations too; I can't overcome nor heal my trauma. I simply can't.
Thanks for this post again.

 

[kelimackie]

yeah I completely agree, I won't ever be able to function as a normal human being entirely because of my trauma, it's pointless to try

and I'm perfectly fine with that, I don't understand why I can't just give up, I don't want to be the person that "grew strong because of hardships", I just want to be at peace

 

[CTB Dream]

Yea, injury damage no able do any ,only wsy ctb escp no Stay this awfl lif

 

[hi-okbye]

thank you for this actually. a lot of times people say i'm a coward or i'm a cop-out for wanting to ctb. they talk about how strong i used to be as a kid and how now i'm just weak and i complain about what i'm going through.
almost every year of my life since i was born i went through some type of trauma. weather it was medical, neglect, emotional, loss, etc.
thank you for this <3
i'm sorry you have to understand too.

 

[tinyghost]

i definitely feel like the trauma was too much from too young. my brain literally formed from trauma. its all i know, no matter how much i try i cant unravel it from me because it made me who i am. my only hope is years of specialized therapy but as a disabled person i just cant afford it because i cant work. i believe the trauma also caused some of my physical disability and mental illnesses. as long as someone wants to keep fighting they should be given resources but our society cant even provide something so basic. im sorry youre also one of us

 

[darknesscomesquick]

Thank you for your post. This is exactly what I am going through. The trauma is too much and it's not going away, it's only bubbling up to the surface. I just want the bubbling to stop. I want the pain and disgust to stop. Living this life, talking about the trauma isn't helping—it's almost like it's reinforcing the trauma pathway because some of the trauma is from invalidation. If I'm doing this work to try to get the validation I never got, isn't that reinforcing the network?

This is one of many reasons Im moving towards saying fuck it all and maybe a thank you for trying, but Im gonna CTB anyways.

 

[WonderingSoul]

Yes. I'd rather CTB at this point than keep living with the painful memories.

 

[Peaceful Departure]

Some people need a whole lot of help and no way to get it.

 

[WAITING TO DIE]

I'm still living with intrusive thoughts over my childhood abuse, many years after it happened.
My brain was messed up because of what I went through and it has never recovered.
I don't want to be strong, I just want to sleep forever.

 

[J&L383]

Me too. If you can overcome your childhood trauma, good for you. But for many of us it's just too much, and there should be not any judgment on that. Sleep is my friend. One day it will be permanent.

 

[Water-Lily]

i definitely feel like the trauma was too much from too young. my brain literally formed from trauma. its all i know, no matter how much i try i cant unravel it from me because it made me who i am. my only hope is years of specialized therapy but as a disabled person i just cant afford it because i cant work. i believe the trauma also caused some of my physical disability and mental illnesses. as long as someone wants to keep fighting they should be given resources but our society cant even provide something so basic. im sorry youre also one of us

I agree. If you want to keep fighting there should be resources to help. Part of social work is learning and being exposed to the inequalities of life. How people are born into unfortunate circumstances and suffer

Hard work isn't enough. Privilege matters and social work is advocating for those who have no resources due to various barriers. I believe it's possible but certainly not easy. It's why at the end of the day I will always support right to die

I'm still living with intrusive thoughts over my childhood abuse, many years after it happened.
My brain was messed up because of what I went through and it has never recovered.
I don't want to be strong, I just want to sleep forever.

Recovery from trauma is different than other forms of recovery. It's a life long thing. Social and emotional support from others is necessary especially if you've never received love

In my case, I don't know what a mothers love is like. I had a heavily narcissistic abusive mom who was jealous of me. She herself was traumatized and wasn't loved much herself. Sad cycle

At times she seemed to feel bad about what she was doing but, still did them anyways. Still hard for me to talk about everything

 

[WAITING TO DIE]

I agree. If you want to keep fighting there should be resources to help. Part of social work is learning and being exposed to the inequalities of life. How people are born into unfortunate circumstances and suffer

Hard work isn't enough. Privilege matters and social work is advocating for those who have no resources due to various barriers. I believe it's possible but certainly not easy. It's why at the end of the day I will always support right to die

Recovery from trauma is different than other forms of recovery. It's a life long thing. Social and emotional support from others is necessary especially if you've never received love

In my case, I don't know what a mothers love is like. I had a heavily narcissistic abusive mom who was jealous of me. She herself was traumatized and wasn't loved much herself. Sad cycle

At times she seemed to feel bad about what she was doing but, still did them anyways. Still hard for me to talk about everything

Sorry you went through this too.
My mother was a malignant narcissist and hated me for no logical reason, yet treated my sister as the golden child.
I don't forgive her, and never will do.

 

[KuriGohan&Kamehameha]

There is so much emphasis placed on being a "survivor" or a "fighter" but if one can't keep up this role that's been designated to them, when they inevitably crack under the pressure of these expectations to become normal and "heal", then the person struggling with PTSD is treated with shame and disgust. How many times are trauma victims accused of "not doing the work" and "not wanting to get better" when the methods of therapists, doctors, social workers, etc fail us? They act as if it is a choice to be hurt, to be ill, and to be scarred from the past, but it most definitely is not. I am tired of being a fighter in what is definitely a losing battle wherein I'm given absolutely 0 resources then expected to fight a gladiator sized army.

 

[Ε. Η. R.]

Recovery from trauma is different than other forms of recovery. It's a life long thing. Social and emotional support from others is necessary especially if you've never received love

You are right. And if the traumas are too severe, then it may be impossible to recover.
And the russians, ukrainian scums, who told me that I was picking at my wounds - infuriate me.

 

[Water-Lily]

There is so much emphasis placed on being a "survivor" or a "fighter" but if one can't keep up this role that's been designated to them, when they inevitably crack under the pressure of these expectations to become normal and "heal", then the person struggling with PTSD is treated with shame and disgust. How many times are trauma victims accused of "not doing the work" and "not wanting to get better" when the methods of therapists, doctors, social workers, etc fail us? They act as if it is a choice to be hurt, to be ill, and to be scarred from the past, but it most definitely is not. I am tired of being a fighter in what is definitely a losing battle wherein I'm given absolutely 0 resources then expected to fight a gladiator sized army.

This. I feel the terms "survivor" and "fighter" and even "strong" can be harmful. Because we never asked to be strong. We never asked to have to fight and be resilient. We never asked for the burden of healing. And it's unfair when people judge. Claim we aren't working "hard enough" because we're still suffering. When I'm sure they'd shut up if they spent a day in our shoes

I believe those who commit suicide did their best. They tried, and thats all that matters. It makes me think if Sinnead O Connor. Though her cause of death hasn't been released, with all the horrendous abuse she experienced I am to believe she committed suicide. She isn't any less worthy compared to those who choose to keep living. She simply tried her best and likely had enough