Venting Not a valid person

[NumbItAll]

Since high school I have simply been rotting: no job, barely any social life, nothing to do, no independence. I never transitioned to adulthood, didn't have fun youthful experiences, can never get that time back, and have no idea what to do next. Even in school I wasn't really a valid person. Everyone else was having fun while I just faked my way through, unable to relate to anyone. On the rare occasion I meet someone new, I crumble at the slightest bit of questioning. "So, what do you do?" Lol... I wish that standard question would be changed to "what do you do for fun," but even that I would have a hard time answering. I have no identity, no reason to exist. I would desperately love a partner, but that's not possible since I have nothing to give and am not really seen as a legitimate person. I don't understand what people actually do in life or talk about. I'm so bored and lonely. Looking forward to several more decades of this. GG

 

[alonely]

i relate to a lot of this.

I would desperately love a partner, but that's not possible since I have nothing to give and am not really seen as a legitimate person.

especially this. this part hits me hard.

hugs

 

[Pluto]

I relate to what you say. I feel like it began in early childhood when I was never actually treated as a legitimate person. At any point in time, a proper mentor could have turned things around. But without that critical support, it just feels like an intrinsic personal defect. As they say, personal, pervasive, permanent.

 

[aGoodDayToDie]

My adult life has been much like that. Tho at least I have a gf I guess.

You can definitely find someone if you put in time, effort, and expose yourself to people. You just need to play the numbers game. If you meet enough people, and are open about wanting to form a relationship, I guarantee you will eventually find someone in a similar position who wants companionship and appreciates you for who you are.

It might take a few years, but it's doable. To speed it up, join every dating site and app you can. Promote yourself on every social media you can find. If you can, go to all the speed dating events you can go to. Then it's just a matter of patience!

 

[GenesAndEnvironment]

Literally me frfr (no cap).

 

[Daxter_87]

Yeah, same here. In my case, however, I don't see it as a bad thing (especially the fact of not having a job). As for romantic relationships, to be honest, the only thing I could get from that is sex, no other aspects of a relationship interest me at all. After all, my partner would be just another person, and I generally don't like people, so...

What I do to satisfy this need is to watch porn, which is infinitely easier than getting into a relationship and doesn't come with hassles. Of course, that is not to say that I'm immune to falling for the trap that are relationships (they are a trap, imo), because I am an animal and certain attributes of the body can completely distort a person's perspective.

 

[NumbItAll]

My adult life has been much like that. Tho at least I have a gf I guess.

You can definitely find someone if you put in time, effort, and expose yourself to people. You just need to play the numbers game. If you meet enough people, and are open about wanting to form a relationship, I guarantee you will eventually find someone in a similar position who wants companionship and appreciates you for who you are.

It might take a few years, but it's doable. To speed it up, join every dating site and app you can. Promote yourself on every social media you can find. If you can, go to all the speed dating events you can go to. Then it's just a matter of patience!

That is all reasonable but just doesn't work for me unfortunately... I've been on apps for years, put lots of time and effort into portraying myself in a positive, interesting, and friendly way with good pictures, always try to be thoughtful, engaging, etc... I was lucky enough to at least make a good friend on there a few years ago, but since then it is all crickets. I barely even get any likes anymore. I do look for things to do in person, but there is just nothing interesting available. I am way too ashamed for speed dating. I would just be wasting everybody's time and probably be short circuited by the whole process. I never know what to say to people, and my lack of job is disqualifying. I also hear constantly about how men are trash, disgusting, predatory, etc. so it is obvious I shouldn't even be here. I'm a great catch though, according to people who don't want to be with me.

Yeah, same here. In my case, however, I don't see it as a bad thing (especially the fact of not having a job). As for romantic relationships, to be honest, the only thing I could get from that is sex, no other aspects of a relationship interest me at all. After all, my partner would be just another person, and I generally don't like people, so...

What I do to satisfy this need is to watch porn, which is infinitely easier than getting into a relationship and doesn't come with hassles. Of course, that is not to say that I'm immune to falling for the trap that are relationships (they are a trap, imo), because I am an animal and certain attributes of the body can completely distort a person's perspective.

I understand this, I normally find it draining to be around people too. I don't want to get hurt, which is usually how relationships end. But every great once in a while there is someone who makes me feel better, that I am comfortable around. Porn is a quick fix that fulfills an urge with no strings attached, but unfortunately not a substitute for emotional intimacy and real physical touch.

 

[Daxter_87]

I understand this, I normally find it draining to be around people too. I don't want to get hurt, which is usually how relationships end. But every great once in a while there is someone who makes me feel better, that I am comfortable around. Porn is a quick fix that fulfills an urge with no strings attached, but unfortunately not a substitute for emotional intimacy and real physical touch.

I get it, it's the hedgehog's dilemma. To me relationships are painful one way or another. Even if the other person is loving and sweet and caring, it creates dependence, and when that person isn't around (either because they leave you, because they have other things going on in their life or simply because they die), you suffer their absence. Emotional dependence is indeed very cruel.

Hopefully artificial partners will be available to the general public in the future. Or maybe they are already, I'm not very informed about this topic. They surely must be expensive though.

 

[NumbItAll]

I get it, it's the hedgehog's dilemma. To me relationships are painful one way or another. Even if the other person is loving and sweet and caring, it creates dependence, and when that person isn't around (either because they leave you, because they have other things going on in their life or simply because they die), you suffer their absence. Emotional dependence is indeed very cruel.

Hopefully artificial partners will be available to the general public in the future. Or maybe they are already, I'm not very informed about this topic. They surely must be expensive though.

AI partners are coming for sure, but I think they will range anywhere from ineffective to harmful. All the previous tech "advancements" that were ostensibly supposed to make us more connected turned out to be addictive, money-draining, self esteem killers. Plus it would just be so hard to create something that is actually convincing in a physical form.