GoodPersonEffed
Brevity is my middle name, but my name was TL
- Jan 11, 2020
- 6,727
I see the term "normie" bandied about frequently on the forum.
It troubles me.
Hold off, though. I'm not poking at anyone or at their sacred cow. I'm working on the pain in my heart. I don't blame you or your cow for that. I swear.
When something troubles me, I try to work out why. What are the root causes for why I feel troubled? Is it an internal issue, an external one, or both?
That's what I'm doing here: working out why I am troubled.
I notice that the people who use the term, whether on this forum or elsewhere irl, are those who are somehow disempowered by circumstances beyond their control. They may have struggles with mental health or physical conditions. I have so much compassion for that, and I honor them and how much they struggle. I have struggled, too. I would not be here if I hadn't.
Often, these struggles are so disempowering that those who experience them are rejected by society, or at the least, do not receive the necessary support or the acceptance afforded to others without those conditions, who are (seemingly) not in need.
Such conditions can be, I think, like being poor, starving, cold, and alone, outside in the snow with the thinnest of clothing, looking in the window at a family to which they do not belong, who relish each bite of a fine meal in front of a warm fire, appearing to thoroughly enjoy one another's company and all the comforts surrounding them.
Standing outside like this, separated, and looking in, can exacerbate the experiences of want, need, and powerlessness, all of which deserve to be addressed. But no one steps up.
Psychological researcher Brené Brown says that the function of blame is to discharge pain and discomfort. In all of these conditions I listed, there is indeed pain and discomfort, overwhelmingly so. If it is unbearable and one is powerless to alleviate it themselves, then it is a human response to believe that ownership and responsibility for the conditions must be placed somewhere.
The one on the outside looking in may question, Do I deserve this? S/he is not to blame for their condition, but they may take on that they are. Perhaps karma. Perhaps punishment for something they have not yet figured out. Perhaps punishment for something they think they've figured out. Perhaps...perhaps...perhaps...
But if s/he is not to blame, then who is?
Is it god? S/he may shake their fist at god, should such a callous being exist, who had the nerve to create them but not provide for them.
Is it society? They may shake their fist at society, which seems from the outside looking in to support only those who are already able to support themselves, to empower the empowered.
Is it those who are normal? Those who have at least average looks, intelligence, mental/psychological capacity, and familial, financial and social support?
But how are they to blame? Is it for the conditions? As a group, they did not wilfully cause them.
Ah then, but are they responsible for fixing the problems of another since god, government and society are not? Are they not part of society? Of course they are! So then, why are they not fulfilling their social responsibility when they have reached a level of abundance, such that it does not take from them to support and even embrace others less fortunate? Are they wilfully greedy, stingy, and full of hate which they direct outward to undeserving others? Indeed, sometimes some of them are, and do outwardly direct hate to those on the outside looking in.
Are they willfully ignorant? Only they themselves can know.
At this point, it may seem justified to shake one's fist at those who appear normal as one evil entity.
But then, I think something happens.
The one who is disempowered feels marginalized and made Other by society, and so does the same in return to their now-enemies with the label of "normie." They are no longer to be envied. They seemed so great to the one who envied them; now they are shrunk down and made as small as the disempowered person feels, and then smaller. Less powerful. Less worthy. Even less desirable than how the one on the outside looking in feels in comparison to them, even though the desire for what the "normies" have never leaves; it is simply unattainable, and perhaps the simplest way to accept the unattainability of what they possess is to perceive it, and them, as undesirable. The "normie" becomes another Other. A worse Other than how they made out the conditions -- and the being -- of the disempowered, due to their own fear and ignorance. The very existence of the disempowered, out in the open, not hidden away, makes the "normies" subconsciously aware of how fragile their own existence is, or at least that they did not earn nor were entitled to any privilege they may have. That causes discomfort, which of course must be discharged if they themselves feel somehow disempowered, responsible, or unworthy. Labeling, ignoring, closing off, withholding from, and even assaulting discharges their discomfort onto the Other. Surely someone is to blame for the condition of the Other, and the Other is often the most convenient target.
In labeling the ostensibly empowered as "normies," the playing field is not leveled, it is a new playing field, not controlled by god, government, society, or those who are privileged without having demonstrated worthiness of their privilege. The new playing field is controlled by and in the favor or the disempowered, if only in the experience of the disempowered, because god, society, and the "normies" aren't showing up to hang out and come play. In their field, they are the powerful ones now. The fences are raised. It's their new Heaven. No one else gets to come in. And their numbers grow as saints.
The more that others who are disempowered adopt and use the "normie" label, the more they hear one another, become aware of one another, and join together against their common enemy, in a heaven of their own making, as their own gods, society, and better-than-norm, and they feel righteous and strong. They are no longer the ones lacking, it is those who have what they cannot have who are lacking. The "normies" are the rich men who cannot enter the new Heaven any more than a camel can pass through the eye of a needle.
I am uncomfortable with I perceive as an anti-reciprocity, each side shutting out the other, each side making the other Other.
The Buddha said that the roots of violence and oppression are in this thought: "I have power, and I want power."
The "normies" and the outsiders, different though they may seem, are alike in this. I do not mean to condemn, but show an uncomfortable commonality that every human must struggle with. Power can corrupt, whether it is held or desired. One can achieve some form of power if one has just enough power to pursue it. But when the pursuit of or possession of power is driven by passions such as fear, envy, greed, hatred, or ignorance, I think things can get mighty fucked up for a whole lot of people in every direction.
I am reminded of the story of Prometheus, Frankenstein's "monster." He was created by no choice of his own. He was put together of human parts, and he had human needs. Though Frankenstein wanted to keep him hidden and secret, Prometheus reached out for fellow human contact. When the villagers subsequently became aware of him, in their ignorance they perceived him as a threat, and fashioned him as a monster.
Motivated by their ignorance of Prometheus, perceiving a gentle and worthy spirit as a monster based solely on his outward Otherness, they experienced discomfort, they experienced fear of him, and they discharged their pain of their uncomfortable and unbearable feelings with blame. They empowered themselves by creating the label of monster; by increasing their numbers and gathering in self-righteous indignation; by taking up torches and pitchforks and storming Frankenstein's castle to shake their fists at and disempower the monster, his creator, and the protection that allowed their continued existence, the castle itself.
What if, in their vulnerability, Frankenstein and Prometheus labeled the villagers and cried out, "Normies! Fucking normies!" Who would have heard the call and come to their defense? How would it have turned out?
I said at the beginning of this essay that I am troubled by the term "normie," and that when something troubles me, I try to work out why. What are the root causes for why I feel troubled? Is it an internal issue, an external one, or both?
It is in this case both, I think. The root cause is our shared humanness. It is vulnerability, and the pain and discomfort caused by it. It is the desire to discharge pain and discomfort, especially when there is no other way to relieve them, and no one to own responsibility for them.
I am troubled because I feel empathy and compassion, and because I feel helpless. I did not cause any of these problems I see, I cannot change them, and I cannot cure them. I stand outside and observe the scene at the castle, the poor person outside the window, the tableau in the home, and the home when the tableau is finished. I have been on every side. I have even at times foolishly played god, and Dr. Frankenstein. I, too, am Other by standing back and observing, and until I post this, I am standing helpless, alone, and suffering pain I did not cause.
I hear the vulnerability and pain in the voices here on the forum and elsewhere crying out, "Normies!" I did not cause the conditions that led to their vulnerability and pain, nor can I change them, nor can I cure them. I am powerless, except in one-on-one interactions when I am able, when I am aware, when I have abundance of internal resources to share, and when my resources and I are not under attack. But even then, I still have an abundance of discomfort and pain on behalf of those who are crying out. I cannot fully discharge it, no one has taken responsibility for causing it, I cannot myself cure it, and I dare not make them wrong for what they also did not cause.
I hurt for their envy. I fear for what it may turn into -- violence and oppression in return for violence and oppression. I hurt for their rejection, whether real or imagined, and I acknowledge real rejection happens; there is no doubt in that. Yet I also know from personal experience that sometimes rejection is a matter of perception, and that there are rare times when someone is genuinely, blamelessly ignorant of my suffering, need, and want.
I hurt for their being outside out in the cold, hungry and alone, looking in, uninvited, into what they perceive as warm, abundant, and loving homes. I only caution them that one momentary tableau does not accurately represent every person, every room, nor every moment in the whole house.
There are people in need of empathy there, too. From outside, in their great need, the unjustly disempowered may not be able to see through that one single window whether anyone in the tableau is suffering at the hands of others, or whether they suffer so much that in order to deny and reject it, they violently discharge it onto others. They can be brutal, and they can feel justified about it. They may seem at times to take pleasure in the discharge, and to even believe that they are experiencing genuine pleasure, but they are never satisfied, and these are signs of a sick spirit that does not know how to otherwise get its needs met. The oppression, violence and withholding seem to the one who inflicts them as antidotes to vulnerability and suffering; from the other side, envy and rejection seem antidotes as well to the very same things.
Do not mistake that I apologize for or excuse the actions of those labeled "normies." From my own perspective, from my own window, I am hurting for them that they lack the ability, and perhaps the supportive conditions, to experience and enjoy necessary human reciprocity and mutually inclusive support, and deny it to others. I promise you they suffer as well, and perhaps they are blessed if they are ignorant of this suffering. To be unaware can be a great gift, if one can call illusion a gift. That, however, is not to be envied, and nor does it make them less than others. It is that they have their own burden to bear, unburdensome though it may seem. While you or I may be feel overwhelmed and even crushed by our burdens, are you sure that in their unawareness they stand upright and erect, in genuine good health and natural, abundantly flowing power? I caution against assuming they are more connected to others than the lone person looking in at at them through window. I think at the least that they have their own glass surrounding them, through which they can see others and others can see them, like the visiting room in a prison: there is a phone where they can hear one another, and they can each touch their hands to the glass, but they do no actually touch. Gilded cages are only to be envied by those who accept, or are forced to accept, being imprisoned, and worse prisons may be more enviable for the closeness of spirit that comes from sharing deplorable conditions, when such closeness is allowed; each is worse, each is better, each is hell, not heaven, though one would try to make them to be in order to experience some level of comfort and to discharge what is unbearable.
Saying all of this discharges my pain and discomfort. I hope and pray (to a god I don't think exists) that this effort and the sharing of it does not in turn make my pain and discomfort into burdens for any other. I only wish for the same playing field for all, and for it to be level. I wish for one heaven, and equal access to and enjoyment of it for all. Would that I had the power to make my wish come true.
I am feeling powerless, too.
I observe the scene at Frankenstein's castle, and my heart is wounded for Prometheus, for the villagers, even for Frankenstein in his own ignorance and lust for power. My heart is wounded for the entire human condition, which seems god-damned. I cannot even shake my fist at the one who does not seem to exist, unless s/he is a right bastard. I don't feel empowered in that action, because no god, has ever revealed itself, so whatever I discharge to him/her comes back as there is no receptacle. If there is such a bastard, s/he will not be moved. S/he will not care. S/he he will evade what I send as if s/he is not there.
I just hurt. There is no one to label, no rallying cry for me to gather an army to defeat my ills. Yet my vulnerability, discomfort, and pain will now be heard. I know from experience that some will acknowledge it, and I will experience reciprocal support for having dared to place my pain in the open. I know it is shared, and I will no longer be quite as disempowered and alone. I will, at the very least, connect. Some will reject what I say, and I accept that. Just by their reading this, for a moment we connected. I hope they did not experience it as offensive. I hope they heard my heart. I hope there was no glass.
It troubles me.
Hold off, though. I'm not poking at anyone or at their sacred cow. I'm working on the pain in my heart. I don't blame you or your cow for that. I swear.
When something troubles me, I try to work out why. What are the root causes for why I feel troubled? Is it an internal issue, an external one, or both?
That's what I'm doing here: working out why I am troubled.
I notice that the people who use the term, whether on this forum or elsewhere irl, are those who are somehow disempowered by circumstances beyond their control. They may have struggles with mental health or physical conditions. I have so much compassion for that, and I honor them and how much they struggle. I have struggled, too. I would not be here if I hadn't.
Often, these struggles are so disempowering that those who experience them are rejected by society, or at the least, do not receive the necessary support or the acceptance afforded to others without those conditions, who are (seemingly) not in need.
Such conditions can be, I think, like being poor, starving, cold, and alone, outside in the snow with the thinnest of clothing, looking in the window at a family to which they do not belong, who relish each bite of a fine meal in front of a warm fire, appearing to thoroughly enjoy one another's company and all the comforts surrounding them.
Standing outside like this, separated, and looking in, can exacerbate the experiences of want, need, and powerlessness, all of which deserve to be addressed. But no one steps up.
Psychological researcher Brené Brown says that the function of blame is to discharge pain and discomfort. In all of these conditions I listed, there is indeed pain and discomfort, overwhelmingly so. If it is unbearable and one is powerless to alleviate it themselves, then it is a human response to believe that ownership and responsibility for the conditions must be placed somewhere.
The one on the outside looking in may question, Do I deserve this? S/he is not to blame for their condition, but they may take on that they are. Perhaps karma. Perhaps punishment for something they have not yet figured out. Perhaps punishment for something they think they've figured out. Perhaps...perhaps...perhaps...
But if s/he is not to blame, then who is?
Is it god? S/he may shake their fist at god, should such a callous being exist, who had the nerve to create them but not provide for them.
Is it society? They may shake their fist at society, which seems from the outside looking in to support only those who are already able to support themselves, to empower the empowered.
Is it those who are normal? Those who have at least average looks, intelligence, mental/psychological capacity, and familial, financial and social support?
But how are they to blame? Is it for the conditions? As a group, they did not wilfully cause them.
Ah then, but are they responsible for fixing the problems of another since god, government and society are not? Are they not part of society? Of course they are! So then, why are they not fulfilling their social responsibility when they have reached a level of abundance, such that it does not take from them to support and even embrace others less fortunate? Are they wilfully greedy, stingy, and full of hate which they direct outward to undeserving others? Indeed, sometimes some of them are, and do outwardly direct hate to those on the outside looking in.
Are they willfully ignorant? Only they themselves can know.
At this point, it may seem justified to shake one's fist at those who appear normal as one evil entity.
But then, I think something happens.
The one who is disempowered feels marginalized and made Other by society, and so does the same in return to their now-enemies with the label of "normie." They are no longer to be envied. They seemed so great to the one who envied them; now they are shrunk down and made as small as the disempowered person feels, and then smaller. Less powerful. Less worthy. Even less desirable than how the one on the outside looking in feels in comparison to them, even though the desire for what the "normies" have never leaves; it is simply unattainable, and perhaps the simplest way to accept the unattainability of what they possess is to perceive it, and them, as undesirable. The "normie" becomes another Other. A worse Other than how they made out the conditions -- and the being -- of the disempowered, due to their own fear and ignorance. The very existence of the disempowered, out in the open, not hidden away, makes the "normies" subconsciously aware of how fragile their own existence is, or at least that they did not earn nor were entitled to any privilege they may have. That causes discomfort, which of course must be discharged if they themselves feel somehow disempowered, responsible, or unworthy. Labeling, ignoring, closing off, withholding from, and even assaulting discharges their discomfort onto the Other. Surely someone is to blame for the condition of the Other, and the Other is often the most convenient target.
In labeling the ostensibly empowered as "normies," the playing field is not leveled, it is a new playing field, not controlled by god, government, society, or those who are privileged without having demonstrated worthiness of their privilege. The new playing field is controlled by and in the favor or the disempowered, if only in the experience of the disempowered, because god, society, and the "normies" aren't showing up to hang out and come play. In their field, they are the powerful ones now. The fences are raised. It's their new Heaven. No one else gets to come in. And their numbers grow as saints.
The more that others who are disempowered adopt and use the "normie" label, the more they hear one another, become aware of one another, and join together against their common enemy, in a heaven of their own making, as their own gods, society, and better-than-norm, and they feel righteous and strong. They are no longer the ones lacking, it is those who have what they cannot have who are lacking. The "normies" are the rich men who cannot enter the new Heaven any more than a camel can pass through the eye of a needle.
I am uncomfortable with I perceive as an anti-reciprocity, each side shutting out the other, each side making the other Other.
The Buddha said that the roots of violence and oppression are in this thought: "I have power, and I want power."
The "normies" and the outsiders, different though they may seem, are alike in this. I do not mean to condemn, but show an uncomfortable commonality that every human must struggle with. Power can corrupt, whether it is held or desired. One can achieve some form of power if one has just enough power to pursue it. But when the pursuit of or possession of power is driven by passions such as fear, envy, greed, hatred, or ignorance, I think things can get mighty fucked up for a whole lot of people in every direction.
I am reminded of the story of Prometheus, Frankenstein's "monster." He was created by no choice of his own. He was put together of human parts, and he had human needs. Though Frankenstein wanted to keep him hidden and secret, Prometheus reached out for fellow human contact. When the villagers subsequently became aware of him, in their ignorance they perceived him as a threat, and fashioned him as a monster.
Motivated by their ignorance of Prometheus, perceiving a gentle and worthy spirit as a monster based solely on his outward Otherness, they experienced discomfort, they experienced fear of him, and they discharged their pain of their uncomfortable and unbearable feelings with blame. They empowered themselves by creating the label of monster; by increasing their numbers and gathering in self-righteous indignation; by taking up torches and pitchforks and storming Frankenstein's castle to shake their fists at and disempower the monster, his creator, and the protection that allowed their continued existence, the castle itself.
What if, in their vulnerability, Frankenstein and Prometheus labeled the villagers and cried out, "Normies! Fucking normies!" Who would have heard the call and come to their defense? How would it have turned out?
I said at the beginning of this essay that I am troubled by the term "normie," and that when something troubles me, I try to work out why. What are the root causes for why I feel troubled? Is it an internal issue, an external one, or both?
It is in this case both, I think. The root cause is our shared humanness. It is vulnerability, and the pain and discomfort caused by it. It is the desire to discharge pain and discomfort, especially when there is no other way to relieve them, and no one to own responsibility for them.
I am troubled because I feel empathy and compassion, and because I feel helpless. I did not cause any of these problems I see, I cannot change them, and I cannot cure them. I stand outside and observe the scene at the castle, the poor person outside the window, the tableau in the home, and the home when the tableau is finished. I have been on every side. I have even at times foolishly played god, and Dr. Frankenstein. I, too, am Other by standing back and observing, and until I post this, I am standing helpless, alone, and suffering pain I did not cause.
I hear the vulnerability and pain in the voices here on the forum and elsewhere crying out, "Normies!" I did not cause the conditions that led to their vulnerability and pain, nor can I change them, nor can I cure them. I am powerless, except in one-on-one interactions when I am able, when I am aware, when I have abundance of internal resources to share, and when my resources and I are not under attack. But even then, I still have an abundance of discomfort and pain on behalf of those who are crying out. I cannot fully discharge it, no one has taken responsibility for causing it, I cannot myself cure it, and I dare not make them wrong for what they also did not cause.
I hurt for their envy. I fear for what it may turn into -- violence and oppression in return for violence and oppression. I hurt for their rejection, whether real or imagined, and I acknowledge real rejection happens; there is no doubt in that. Yet I also know from personal experience that sometimes rejection is a matter of perception, and that there are rare times when someone is genuinely, blamelessly ignorant of my suffering, need, and want.
I hurt for their being outside out in the cold, hungry and alone, looking in, uninvited, into what they perceive as warm, abundant, and loving homes. I only caution them that one momentary tableau does not accurately represent every person, every room, nor every moment in the whole house.
There are people in need of empathy there, too. From outside, in their great need, the unjustly disempowered may not be able to see through that one single window whether anyone in the tableau is suffering at the hands of others, or whether they suffer so much that in order to deny and reject it, they violently discharge it onto others. They can be brutal, and they can feel justified about it. They may seem at times to take pleasure in the discharge, and to even believe that they are experiencing genuine pleasure, but they are never satisfied, and these are signs of a sick spirit that does not know how to otherwise get its needs met. The oppression, violence and withholding seem to the one who inflicts them as antidotes to vulnerability and suffering; from the other side, envy and rejection seem antidotes as well to the very same things.
Do not mistake that I apologize for or excuse the actions of those labeled "normies." From my own perspective, from my own window, I am hurting for them that they lack the ability, and perhaps the supportive conditions, to experience and enjoy necessary human reciprocity and mutually inclusive support, and deny it to others. I promise you they suffer as well, and perhaps they are blessed if they are ignorant of this suffering. To be unaware can be a great gift, if one can call illusion a gift. That, however, is not to be envied, and nor does it make them less than others. It is that they have their own burden to bear, unburdensome though it may seem. While you or I may be feel overwhelmed and even crushed by our burdens, are you sure that in their unawareness they stand upright and erect, in genuine good health and natural, abundantly flowing power? I caution against assuming they are more connected to others than the lone person looking in at at them through window. I think at the least that they have their own glass surrounding them, through which they can see others and others can see them, like the visiting room in a prison: there is a phone where they can hear one another, and they can each touch their hands to the glass, but they do no actually touch. Gilded cages are only to be envied by those who accept, or are forced to accept, being imprisoned, and worse prisons may be more enviable for the closeness of spirit that comes from sharing deplorable conditions, when such closeness is allowed; each is worse, each is better, each is hell, not heaven, though one would try to make them to be in order to experience some level of comfort and to discharge what is unbearable.
Saying all of this discharges my pain and discomfort. I hope and pray (to a god I don't think exists) that this effort and the sharing of it does not in turn make my pain and discomfort into burdens for any other. I only wish for the same playing field for all, and for it to be level. I wish for one heaven, and equal access to and enjoyment of it for all. Would that I had the power to make my wish come true.
I am feeling powerless, too.
I observe the scene at Frankenstein's castle, and my heart is wounded for Prometheus, for the villagers, even for Frankenstein in his own ignorance and lust for power. My heart is wounded for the entire human condition, which seems god-damned. I cannot even shake my fist at the one who does not seem to exist, unless s/he is a right bastard. I don't feel empowered in that action, because no god, has ever revealed itself, so whatever I discharge to him/her comes back as there is no receptacle. If there is such a bastard, s/he will not be moved. S/he will not care. S/he he will evade what I send as if s/he is not there.
I just hurt. There is no one to label, no rallying cry for me to gather an army to defeat my ills. Yet my vulnerability, discomfort, and pain will now be heard. I know from experience that some will acknowledge it, and I will experience reciprocal support for having dared to place my pain in the open. I know it is shared, and I will no longer be quite as disempowered and alone. I will, at the very least, connect. Some will reject what I say, and I accept that. Just by their reading this, for a moment we connected. I hope they did not experience it as offensive. I hope they heard my heart. I hope there was no glass.
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