Yeah I often try to tell me how privileged I am by being born in Germany. Globally the vast majority lives in way way worse countries. Normally it is like winning the lottery being born here. I think the life quality of most of my peers is quite high. I am extremely anxious about poverty but I have to admit I was even more fucked if I was born in the US. My health insurance pays for everything. I assume they spend more than 100k on me since my first psychotic episode. Though they cannot fix me.
The two biggest problems for me is the following. Also the German welfare benefits are not high enough to live a life in dignity. If I cannot work (which is very likely a fact) I will kill myself due to poverty. I am just not used to live with this low amount of money. My life quality is already preety poor. I think without the support of my support network I will kill myself quite quickly. When my parents die so will I. (probably)
The other problem is no access to a death in dignity. For example in Belgium I had more hope for the official death which would comfort me so much. Assisted sucide would comfort me a lot. Not having to hide it etc. Yeah the stupid politicans in my country want to criminalize assisted suicide again. Though they likely contradict the highest court in my country with it. They will probably get away with it. I had so much hope after this judgment. The new chancellor promised there will be a new law with him. It will likely be very restricitve. This is why I am fully dependent on this forum. I see no other way to give me the right of a death with dignity which the court promised. Currently the assisted suicide organizations also want several thousands euros which I don't want to spend. My dad already threatened my to stop giving me money if I contacted one.
Currently I am not acute suicidal. But I want to be prepared for the time when the horrible psychosomatic pain returns.
Normally it is such a gift being born in Germany. But for me it is hellish. Child abuse seems to decline statistically in my country. Though I am still a victim of it. No statistics can fix that damage. I had a lot of therapies, hospitalizations myriads of medication etc. My life quality improved. Though I am still suicidal and suffer every single day. The problem is not my current suffering. It is rather the fact that my illness proceeds in cycles and I don't want to experience this extreme torture again. Experiencing this pain was way way worse than dying. I just need an escape. This websites gives me reassurance that if worst is happening again that I maintain the control over my life. I am a control freak and this feeling is very precious for me.
The two biggest problems for me is the following. Also the German welfare benefits are not high enough to live a life in dignity. If I cannot work (which is very likely a fact) I will kill myself due to poverty. I am just not used to live with this low amount of money. My life quality is already preety poor. I think without the support of my support network I will kill myself quite quickly. When my parents die so will I. (probably)
The other problem is no access to a death in dignity. For example in Belgium I had more hope for the official death which would comfort me so much. Assisted sucide would comfort me a lot. Not having to hide it etc. Yeah the stupid politicans in my country want to criminalize assisted suicide again. Though they likely contradict the highest court in my country with it. They will probably get away with it. I had so much hope after this judgment. The new chancellor promised there will be a new law with him. It will likely be very restricitve. This is why I am fully dependent on this forum. I see no other way to give me the right of a death with dignity which the court promised. Currently the assisted suicide organizations also want several thousands euros which I don't want to spend. My dad already threatened my to stop giving me money if I contacted one.
Currently I am not acute suicidal. But I want to be prepared for the time when the horrible psychosomatic pain returns.
Normally it is such a gift being born in Germany. But for me it is hellish. Child abuse seems to decline statistically in my country. Though I am still a victim of it. No statistics can fix that damage. I had a lot of therapies, hospitalizations myriads of medication etc. My life quality improved. Though I am still suicidal and suffer every single day. The problem is not my current suffering. It is rather the fact that my illness proceeds in cycles and I don't want to experience this extreme torture again. Experiencing this pain was way way worse than dying. I just need an escape. This websites gives me reassurance that if worst is happening again that I maintain the control over my life. I am a control freak and this feeling is very precious for me.
