Story Non-human Paranoia

[HuskyD'hiver]

Does anyone else get that paranoid feeling, but not in the sense of being watched by something human, or even natural for that matter; but the feeling of being watched by something that you can't describe as normal?

Sorry that this post is super long, it's just something I've always wanted to talk about, you don't have to read it though, I was just wondering if people can relate to the question I asked.
I also wanted to clarify that I do not have any diagnosed form of schizophrenia, I have never done drugs or ever tripped, nor have ever had any sort of episode where I detach from my surroundings and forget what is reality or not; however, I will say that I have an extremely overactive imagination and have in the past been known to misidentify inanimate objects as a creature if I am not focused on it.

I've experienced paranoia for the past 6-7 years and maybe longer but whenever I get this feeling, it's not similar to most where they feel like people they may or may not know are watching them. For me, it's always something, non-human... Not like an animal watching me, but like some monster akin to SCPs or such sorts of horrors beyond our natural world. It is never once felt like it has been human in the sense of we think of as a person, but it is something akin to or even directly from some form of scary media (usually creepypastas or analog horror [despite being a massive pussy, I have a weird love of horrific images, but I hate(!) the feeling of being scared], such as the inhuman looking alternates of the Mandela Catalog [which I was so scared of in high school to the point that I once pissed myself in fear from just watching the series, no joke]) or it is from some horrid dream I had that had a monster beyond my greatest fears that would haunt me (tl:dr long side-tangent, sorry: one semi-funny example relating to me weird interest/phobia of strange bugs [especially massive spiders, which is it's own can of worms of thinking I see spiders crawling on me or stuff near me] was of these three legged scorpion/spider looking things that were a shade of reddish-brown; it the dream I had of them, they were infecting every square inch of this town that I moved to in the dream and people said that if you ever killed one, then the rest would try to eat you alive, which in the dream I accidentally stepped on one and it died by spraying out this black blood and the rest of the completely covered my body and ate me entirely). These watchers can be big or small, naturalistic or incomprehensible, in the shadows, or right behind me, but I have this near unending feeling of being watched on a daily basis...
I personally already have the fear of things watching me, not in the sense of being scared of being judged; as I am an extreme asexual (I also have genophobia which is the fear of sex), I despise the feeling of being looked at when using the bathroom; even if it a painting on the wall with eyes, don't matter, it unnerves me. I hate being watched, not by eyes that judge me and look at what I'm doing, but eyes that pierce my psyche that want to do ill harm to me or look at the parts I feel grossed out by whether it they have a reason to or not.
I've had many a time where I was alone or even times with family or friends near, where I was doing chores, or homework, laying in bed, having a bath or showers, or even just walking from one room to another (and yes I do that little kid thing where whenever I turn a light off in a room and run away from that room, but I try to be discrete to not have someone ask what I am doing); it's especially prominent when there is a light off in a room or hallway I go past, or when I hear a sound I don't immediately recognize; that moment my paranoia kicks in. I have this feeling of a pit in my stomach that something is wrong and that I am in in danger which activates my fight/flight/freeze response; in turn, I have a sense of unbearable dread wash over me. This tends to happen more commonly when I feel slightly off, like I am sitting weird (again a whole other can of worms for me), or when I begin to feel bored, but for whatever reason, the feeling arises. I think I see something out of the corner of my eye move, or I have this sense of something being right behind me or above me, even if my back is against the wall; but no matter what, there is something there...
This sense is magnified when I am in an open area or there are spots out of my sight that something me be peering around. I don't ever actually see the thing, or if I notice anything, I can tell it is my imagination acting up by imagining a set of eyes (especially so if it a dark area and they will tend to be two dots of light shining out from it), or a hand, or what have you; the main thing I have noticed if anything was there would be this fuzzy effect the the outline of whatever I imagine was there, like it had whoosed out of my vision before I could see it, or if it's aura remained there, or even that it became invisible in the style of a CGI effect. This may be a trick of my vision (I do have 20/20, so it is not just vision impairment), or misidentifying an object, or any reasonable idea; in the moment and even upon reflection, it feels exactly like I was being watched by something that I was not meant to see...
This thing, whatever it might be, if it is just a figment of my twisted imagination, some metaphor my consciousness is trying to portray to me, or the worst possibility of me manifesting these creatures into existence through my dread; because even while writing this, I feel like there are things all around me, just out of vision and hearing, that are glaring at me, awaiting some moment to strike and do unspeakable things to me...

I'm super sorry that was so long and that I probably wasted your time by ranting on like a madman; I don't know if I may be insane, tell me if it sounds like that.

 

[WAITING TO DIE]

It's possible that you are sensitive to certain phenomena that the vast majority of people cannot see.
I've experienced, and seen some seriously weird things when I used to be into intensive meditation and the occult.
Have you been diagnosed with an illness that may cause you to feel this way ?
My biological Father was a schizophrenic and was very paranoid. He also felt that He was being followed by a witch, and also thought a giant scorpion was living in the attic.
I don't mean to pry, but have you seen a doctor or therapist ?
Sorry you are going through this.

 

[HuskyD'hiver]

It's possible that you are sensitive to certain phenomena that the vast majority of people cannot see.
I've experienced, and seen some seriously weird things when I used to be into intensive meditation and the occult.
Have you been diagnosed with an illness that may cause you to feel this way ?
My biological Father was a schizophrenic and was very paranoid. He also felt that He was being followed by a witch, and also thought a giant scorpion was living in the attic.
I don't mean to pry, but have you seen a doctor or therapist ?
Sorry you are going through this.

Thank you very much for the kind words.
To answer your questions: I do not believe I have been diagnosed with anything that would cause me to have this kind of paranoia, it's something I have lived with ever since I began having depression, but it has never been a hindrance to my day to day, more of just a mild annoyance; sorry if I may had been a bit hyperbolic in my writing that made it seem that this is a debilitating problem. I think that most of the things I "see" (I don't actually see most of it, it is mostly the feeling of paranoia that is present) are just my mind is the one that fills in the gaps that lead to me thinking that this is some supernatural entity or something along those lines. I currently only take mild a very mild anti-depressant and very low dose ADHD medication, but I only started taking these about 1-2 years ago and my paranoia has remained the same as it, no better no worse. I do have family that suffer from more severe mental illnesses such as schizophrenia, bi-polar, and BPD, but I don't believe I suffer from any of these as I do not have the larger majority of their symptoms; even though solely symptoms are a bad way to diagnose disorders. I currently do have a therapist that I have been seeing for about a year now and I have discussed these feelings of paranoia with her, but neither me nor her can pinpoint a reason other than that I just seem to have them.
Again, thank you for your concern, it's not a big deal; I was more wondering if people have the same feelings as I do as the question was the main idea of my post, I just like to ramble on because that's just who I am.