Venting Non-active drug addicts

[wasteoftimeletssleep]

Are there any other non-active drug users here? (Not currently using, but constantly craving your drug of choice)
It's all I can think about anymore, and it's frustrating not knowing any dealers. I just want to relapse, my life was easier when I was on the drugs. I ordered some kratom online to get a similar effect because I am constantly craving opiates. But if I could, I would choose to just take a giant dose of carfentanyl and go to sleep forever.
Does anyone else dream of walking into a pharmacy where every drug is available to purchase off the shelf?
Im so tired of this life
The chase of the high let's me avoid my feelings of isolation and loneliness, and the drugs make me stop seeking approval and love from others.
Im just so done with living, but I don't have any resources to ctb.

 

[Brick In The Wall]

As someome who's struggled with addiction for most of my life, as well as seen the full damage it can do... don't, just don't.

Cut all that shit out unless it's like smoking weed or taking shrooms. In that case you have my endorsement.

 

[justpeachy]

I am in recovery from opiate use and on methadone so my cravings are pretty minimal and due to my high level of methadone I wouldn't be able to CTB easily at all on even fent. I have been using meth regularly though for the last 6 months. Got hooked to the feeling of energy and euphoria that the methadone zapped away then I got hooked to the weight loss and the attention it brought me as a younger female. It's big a roller coaster. I just wanted to say I can relate and I'm here for you. Also I always have that dream about going into a pharmacy and just taking anything I want. Oh man, I would need a pick up truck to haul it all. I would also take all the expensive meds to give to ppl who can't afford them and the narcotics for meeeee!

 

[wasteoftimeletssleep]

As someome who's struggled with addiction for most of my life, as well as seen the full damage it can do... don't, just don't.

Cut all that shit out unless it's like smoking weed or taking shrooms. In that case you have my endorsement.

I would usually agree with you, I've lost loved ones to drugs. but I feel like it's nearing the end of the road for me. An overdose would be my final plan. I've tried cutting (before I found this website and didn't know any better) and hanging, but i couldn't get over my SI and could never get my placement right. In my mind, the best way to go out would be to take one last dose, blissfully naive to the fact that it will be the last.

 

[Brick In The Wall]

I would usually agree with you, I've lost loved ones to drugs. but I feel like it's nearing the end of the road for me. An overdose would be my final plan. I've tried cutting (before I found this website and didn't know any better) and hanging, but i couldn't get over my SI and could never get my placement right. In my mind, the best way to go out would be to take one last dose, blissfully naive to the fact that it will be the last.

OD is the method for most anyone here. Any form of drug or poison OD counts as such. I have a handful at the ready myself.

 

[Aap]

Have you used kratom before?

 

[wasteoftimeletssleep]

Have you used kratom before?

I have never used kratom, it will be my first time trying it.

 

[TriggerHappy]

i wouldn't wish active addiction on my worst enemy. nothing dissolves your soul and sense of self worth faster than drugs. it's all an illusion: & while illusions can be powerful for the ego (you feel awesome, numb, sexy & untouchably in control) but then they wear-off. &. you are even emptier than you were before, you're insanely hungry / desperate for more but know it's also a temporary fix. & Nothing else matters (not even how you feel / what you care about - even pain is beautiful compared to numbness). I've lost the trust of my family & faith in myself. There's nothing worse than realising those you love are retreating because your behaviour is insane & your deviousness is manipulatively destructive. Cocaine / Heroin were unbelievably awesomely incredible glamour mistresses: i thought I was using them but I was being used. I was a hectic, trendy, awake & aware, untouchable drug-god: but that dissolved into nothing. I did it all: Amsterdam SexClubs/ London RAVE / Thailand FullMoon / Glastonbury BurningMan / Wonderland etc etc - was awesome but now. just a memory. Shoulda rather been sober (woulda remembered that REM concert) than insularly trashed.
Every day is a battle against the most hideous withdrawals you can imagine: so exhausted. Yeah, i'm 'functional' (that's what i tell people - but in truth i'm destroyed). I hate myself for what I've done (not what I am) i'm trying to differentiate the two. i also thought i'd never get hooked. I've been in rehabs / country retreats / ashrams / hospitalised / asylum inmate / prison inmate - have had years of sobriety inbetween but that's where i delude myself I can have just 1 hit / 1 night of rage & excitement/ 1 weekend of madness
You may think / crave you have another relapse in you - but how many chances at recovery do you have? Are you really worth that risk?
Please please think this through: momentary self-medicating may be appealing. But it's just that: momentary.
Do everything that you can to not do this: there's relapse-prevention workbooks & recovery websites or even call someone: you are worth it.




Suede - Trash
Well, maybe, maybe, it's the clothes we wear
The tasteless bracelets and the dye in our hair
Maybe it's our kookiness
Or maybe, maybe, it's our nowhere towns
Our nothing places and our cellophane sounds
Maybe it's our looseness
But we're trash, you and me
We're the litter on the breeze
We're the lovers on the streets
Just trash, me and you
It's in everything we do
It's in everything we do
Or maybe, maybe, it's the things we say
The words we've heard and the music we play
Maybe it's our cheapness
Or maybe, maybe, it's the times we've had
The lazy days and the crazes and the fads
Maybe it's our sweetness
But we're trash, you and me
We're the litter on the breeze
We're the lovers on the streets
Just trash, me and you
It's in everything we do
It's in everything we do…

(for David James Wilson I miss you)

 

[Ducksauce6]

I am in recovery from opiate use and on methadone so my cravings are pretty minimal and due to my high level of methadone I wouldn't be able to CTB easily at all on even fent. I have been using meth regularly though for the last 6 months. Got hooked to the feeling of energy and euphoria that the methadone zapped away then I got hooked to the weight loss and the attention it brought me as a younger female. It's big a roller coaster. I just wanted to say I can relate and I'm here for you. Also I always have that dream about going into a pharmacy and just taking anything I want. Oh man, I would need a pick up truck to haul it all. I would also take all the expensive meds to give to ppl who can't afford them and the narcotics for meeeee!

In exactly the same position....and it frustastes the fuck out of me that I gotta Gallagher watermelon my head w a 308. Then just go out and spend 200$ on a few grams and just draw up a giant shot and use a butterfly needle

 

[DeadManLiving]

Condition is that once you're in the rabbit hole that deep as I am / was, there's no getting out in the sense of having a return to baseline normal functioning. Even sober, the previous episodes of chemically induced chaos, confusion and permanently fucks brain pathways resulting in dopamine depletion, exhaustion / fatigue, and cognitive impairments with residual permanent memory deficits. Living a sober life in a state of constant damage control as a "totaled" damaged vehicle doesn't make any sense to keep it going me. Imagine I had a BMW I bought for $10,000 that was completely crushed in an accident. The value of repairs would be either irreparable or in the hundreds of thousands. In these cases the vehicle is put to death, there's no point or sense in fixing something that's not worth the gains from the pain of the ongoing payments in reparations. Like the Rock Of Syphilis, it's a fool's errand. A totalled vehicle is a totaled vehicle, the value of repairs and painstaking complicated and are far exceeding the cost of what the car is worth. There's no point in fixing it anymore, it's a salvage wreath of steel and plastic. Death is the only option.
Same with the life, if your totaled you're living in the state of constant damage control, mitigating to the best of your ability a constant state of surprises and uncertainty with deprivations that are insatiable that one self-medicates to chemically inhibit the crude realities of life in an artificial state of chemical dependency or disaster, the first to escape and numb the crude realities of life, and the latter (sober) both equal to the first if not worse since when ne is awakened to the crude realities of life, the thirsts, intense cravings, desires, and feelings or love, lust, and all pleasures now arise and corrode your soul away in addition to the cravings withheld from the forbidden fruits that extinguishe the former. It's an unwinnable game, an impossible situation. Suicide is the only solution to this permanent problem.

RC opioid Metonietaze IP drip butterfly with liquid nitrogen controlled boil off evaporation in vehicle cabin displacing oxygen to 3% in confined space internet gas asphyxiation as my method. Double whammy just in case one of the other goes wrong.

 

[depthss]

Yeah I used to be on klonopin. The only reason I'm not still on it is because I don't have any way to get it anymore lol. If it was up to me, I'd be doing it every day, I think about it all the time