Nobody sees me

[d3j3ct3dl0s3r05]

Crazy how in all 6 years (well 5 1/2 years) of high school, I never really connected with anyone and left no legacy whatsoever. All I did was observe from the sidelines as some sort of ghost. It's like I never ever existed at all. I've been kinda hanging out with my current group since late last year and apparently they did even know who I was until a few months ago so that's fun (not). Even now, they still forget my name a lot. When I showed up to graduation earlier this week, it was humiliating to walk around and realise that nobody really cared to see me. Every interaction I had was forced and awkward. Nobody will remember me except as the girl who killed herself in a hotel room. I already sort of have a reputation as the girl who failed at killing herself in the school bathroom. Nobody remembers me for my achievements or contributions to the school, just my fucked up mental health. When I take my life and people somehow find out, they will likely go "Who?"

 

[todienomore]

Realizing no one will remember you can be freeing. Ive been momentarily embarassed in public, but literally no one will think of that moment again after that hour.

Im almost 40 and this week i started googling old high school classmates for the first time. The smartest girl, the one that learned calculus in 5th grade and worked for boeing and facebook, is dead. One of the prettiest cheerleaders is dead. Almost everyone aged poorly, only one of the pretty girls so far aged well. Almost all the stoners went nowhere. Most of the guys are fat and bald including the chad quarterback. At least five of the friends ive made in the last 25yrs are dead.

idk my take is that you should bully and ridicule, other this assumption of who you are. Write it out, pretend someone else accused you of all this and just 'other' it, laugh at it. Learn to live in the present and accept and love yourself in the present. Catch and destroy that negative inner dialogue when it starts up. Easier said than done but you have to be mindful of your inner dialogue. Audit it continuously.

idk life is pretty fleeting, its gone before you know it, if you dont learn to live in the present youll give up everything to illusions that really only you are holding onto. Literally write every negative thing down about yourself and incredulously ask, sincerely ask 'who is that?' Because its not you now, its not your future.

In the end an illusion has to die to save your spirit. Suicide is surrendering to an illusion.

The potential you have for change at your age, you really dont understand what you have until its gone. Make the most of your neuroplasticity, your energy because it dries up in your 30s. Time is really fleeting, much worse when you are not living 'righteously.'

 

[lwlaiet8887]

This is exactly like me friend. I've always been a "funny loser" in terms of social status. A few years ago I had a brief interaction with a friend and a girl who liked me somewhat, I ran into them whilst I was out walking my dog. I couldn't stop thinking about this experience over and over I was so painfully lonely I could feel it in my chest every night. Eventually I got over it and only become even more lonely and isolated and found peace in it. I remember someone said to me once "You don't seem to care about anything I wish I could be like you" and I realised how important that would be for me to embody if I wanted to be happy. My only close friend described me as an "owl". I don't care if anyone remembers me, the body is a cage for the soul. In this world we're so superficial that most of us don't see souls but bodies and values associated with them. For someone who detests spirituality I know speaking of the soul is comical but I believe we're much greater than our physical beings. You seem like a good soul and I hope you do well for yourself.

 

[BodaFly]

I transferred schools 6 times in high school alone. I seriously feel permanently fucked as I structured my entire life around coping mechanisms somewhere along the line that I have no way to break out of currently. It was a bad time, and more bad times since. Through it all, I prefer being a ghost I think.

 

[fwompie]

Crazy how in all 6 years (well 5 1/2 years) of high school, I never really connected with anyone and left no legacy whatsoever. All I did was observe from the sidelines as some sort of ghost. It's like I never ever existed at all. I've been kinda hanging out with my current group since late last year and apparently they did even know who I was until a few months ago so that's fun (not). Even now, they still forget my name a lot. When I showed up to graduation earlier this week, it was humiliating to walk around and realise that nobody really cared to see me. Every interaction I had was forced and awkward. Nobody will remember me except as the girl who killed herself in a hotel room. I already sort of have a reputation as the girl who failed at killing herself in the school bathroom. Nobody remembers me for my achievements or contributions to the school, just my fucked up mental health. When I take my life and people somehow find out, they will likely go "Who?"

High school SUCKS, I never made friends in high school, but I made friends later in life. I feel like some of us should just happily disregard our high school experience because teenagers aren't always the most sympathetic. Only natural of course, but when you're struggling during that time it's bound to become a bad experience. In my opinion and experience of course.

 

[SVEN]

You are seen here and your views respected, if that assists any.

 

[icantSleep]

Crazy how in all 6 years (well 5 1/2 years) of high school, I never really connected with anyone and left no legacy whatsoever. All I did was observe from the sidelines as some sort of ghost. It's like I never ever existed at all. I've been kinda hanging out with my current group since late last year and apparently they did even know who I was until a few months ago so that's fun (not). Even now, they still forget my name a lot. When I showed up to graduation earlier this week, it was humiliating to walk around and realise that nobody really cared to see me. Every interaction I had was forced and awkward. Nobody will remember me except as the girl who killed herself in a hotel room. I already sort of have a reputation as the girl who failed at killing herself in the school bathroom. Nobody remembers me for my achievements or contributions to the school, just my fucked up mental health. When I take my life and people somehow find out, they will likely go "Who?"

sorry to hear that it sound pretty bad my situation is similiar too if you want to chat just dm