Nobody seems to even try

[release_me]

My wife doesn't understand me... she doesn't like me to go and take care of sick parents in another city just for a few days... they're just by themselves... as a son I can't do my duty of taking care of them in their old age...
It's better for me to CTB than live this useless and shameless and shitty existence

 

[lita-lassi]

it sounds like youre incredibly useful to your parents so you can strike at least one adjective off that list

 

[release_me]

it sounds like youre incredibly useful to your parents so you can strike at least one adjective off that list

Thanks for the response! I know I should go to hell or any place else other than here and CTB is the quickest way there.
Also, I'm not able to take care of my parents, so am still useless. I was never there when they needed me the most.

 

[release_me]

Everyday she points out and complains how I didn't spend time with her but had to be at the hospital with my dad for his heart surgery. My mom is bed ridden for the last 15 years and only my dad takes care of her. My wife can't even understand that and be polite and forbearing with her.
I'm stuck in the middle and don't know what to do. There is no way to satisfy my wife. Everything I do is wrong and turns it into an argument. I try to balance the needs of sickly and aged parents and the expectations and wishes of my wife, but I have failed miserably at it over the last 6 years of my marriage.
I just dont have the energy to endure this any more. CTB is the only good hope I have in my life and ironically the only thing that keeps my alive.

 

[aaturtle]

Seems like you're going through a rough patch, dude. It also sounds like you do a lot more than a lot of other people would for their parents. I've personally abandoned my own parents for selfish pursuits, even though I don't believe they deserved that at all. You deserve some credit for trying to be there for them, even if you think you're doing the bare minimum.

It also sounds like your wife is adding on more stress. If you're comfortable sharing, how do these arguments with your wife play out? Like, what triggers them? What does she say? How do you respond? Etc. + feel free to just vent if you need that.

 

[release_me]

Seems like you're going through a rough patch, dude. It also sounds like you do a lot more than a lot of other people would for their parents. I've personally abandoned my own parents for selfish pursuits, even though I don't believe they deserved that at all. You deserve some credit for trying to be there for them, even if you think you're doing the bare minimum.

It also sounds like your wife is adding on more stress. If you're comfortable sharing, how do these arguments with your wife play out? Like, what triggers them? What does she say? How do you respond? Etc. + feel free to just vent if you need that.

Thank you very much for your kind words and empathy. This is exactly how I've been feeling ever since I got married and not just a rough patch. This is despite the fact that I told her before marriage that my parents are sick and caring for them during their illness will be my priority, she agreed cooly to it only to turn like this !
The moment I mention that I have to travel to the other city where my parents live, she gets really mad and shouts at me and throws a tantrum. I have a brother who also lives in the same city as me and my wife always asks why he can't he go and take care of them. She comfortably forgot the time and money my brother and his wife spent caring for my parents during the pandemic when both were covid positive and nearing death.

 

[Moburin 29]

It's a heartbreaking story. Sorry if I am overstepping boundaries here, but your relationship with wife doesn't sound too healthy. It seems like she makes you feel miserable.

 

[sash]

I'm not keen on your wifes attitude and that you're feeling pulled apart between her & yr fam. Stretched to the limit eh but mentally not physically. You feel u cant be there for yr parents now cos she uses cruelty & maybe guilt trips to make you stay.
If I was in this position and I wasn't ready to ctb I would pick one fam, the one that makes my head less arrrgggghhhh, I'd feel bad but I'd feel better at some point.
But that's me.
Whatever you do its going to be a choice. Don't live in hell, think deep, if u ctb you def wont be able to help yr parents. You have 3 options, 4 if u include keep doing what yr doing.

(I jus read this back, sounds bit harsh, promise its not, cant always express my tone in type )

 

[Neverfeltdeader]

I get the feeling that you're a really wonderful and caring person, and it seems like your wife is the problem. She sounds emotionally abusive and controlling. Ever thought about getting a divorce? Do your parents have health insurance? Can you get them some help with insurance? Like a home health care aide?

 

[release_me]

I get the feeling that you're a really wonderful and caring person, and it seems like your wife is the problem. She sounds emotionally abusive and controlling. Ever thought about getting a divorce? Do your parents have health insurance? Can you get them some help with insurance? Like a home health care aide?

Thanks dear one. They do have health insurance but my mom is bed ridden and my 68yr old dad takes care of her. Home health care is quite expensive where I live and I can't afford it . I'm feeling more and more useless

I'm not keen on your wifes attitude and that you're feeling pulled apart between her & yr fam. Stretched to the limit eh but mentally not physically. You feel u cant be there for yr parents now cos she uses cruelty & maybe guilt trips to make you stay.
If I was in this position and I wasn't ready to ctb I would pick one fam, the one that makes my head less arrrgggghhhh, I'd feel bad but I'd feel better at some point.
But that's me.
Whatever you do its going to be a choice. Don't live in hell, think deep, if u ctb you def wont be able to help yr parents. You have 3 options, 4 if u include keep doing what yr doing.

(I jus read this back, sounds bit harsh, promise its not, cant always express my tone in type )

Thanks Sash. It's not harsh in any way and I appreciate your honesty. I just don't know what to do... feeling an imbecile unable to choose or decide... I don't want to leave my wife and my 5yr old daughter through a divorce, Id rather CTB.
True that I won't be helpful to my parents if I CTB but I won't be here to endure this hell atleast, selfish I know. I'm leaning more towards CTB day by day.

 

[release_me]

It's a heartbreaking story. Sorry if I am overstepping boundaries here, but your relationship with wife doesn't sound too healthy. It seems like she makes you feel miserable.

Thanks Moburin. What can I do here ? What options do I have ? Taking care of my parents is my duty and so is taking care of my wife and kid. I can't seem to do both which so many others seem to manage so effortlessly. I don't want to just keep blaming my wife, I don't know what's wrong with me.
This feeling of uselessness and despair are what driving me towards CTB. I just can't take it anymore.

 

[Moburin 29]

Thanks Moburin. What can I do here ? What options do I have ? Taking care of my parents is my duty and so is taking care of my wife and kid. I can't seem to do both which so many others seem to manage so effortlessly. I don't want to just keep blaming my wife, I don't know what's wrong with me.
This feeling of uselessness and despair are what driving me towards CTB. I just can't take it anymore.

Well, I don't know much, but it seems you are already doing a lot.

You know for the five year old child the fact that you spend time with her means a whole world. And I can bet that your parents greatly appreciate that you are staying in touch with them. Many people don't do that. I see that deep inside you want to live, so please don't underestimate your importance.

So yeah, a few questions. First, did you do anything to patch up marriage? I feel like there is something else behind you wives behaviour. The most common explanation is that she feels like she is not getting from you enough attention or help. Or both. Did you talk with her about it heart to heart? I think that's a pretty good start.

And second, is there any possibility to relocate closer to your parents?

 

[sash]

Thanks Sash. It's not harsh in any way and I appreciate your honesty. I just don't know what to do... feeling an imbecile unable to choose or decide... I don't want to leave my wife and my 5yr old daughter through a divorce, Id rather CTB.
True that I won't be helpful to my parents if I CTB but I won't be here to endure this hell atleast, selfish I know. I'm leaning more towards CTB day by day.

Not selfish to want the pain to stop. Not an imbecile with indecision, its simply survival instinct and not wanting to hurt those you love. Your life your choice. Your parents would understand if you chose your child. But you cant put her through a divorce, rather ctb. Guess you think she's young enough to forget you, so do it before she's older?
if you do it, would it be accidental with any insurance in a Trust for her future?
I'm so sorry you're going through this hell.