Nobody likes me in my new job lol

[WitheringAway]

I started a job a week ago. After having been unemployed since graduation on 2017. It's the job I've always wanted. Only problem is the female co workers don't like me for some reason (I'm a female). They form a group on breaks and sit, talk and laugh and they never invite me to join them. I don't feel included or welcomed whatsoever. Sometimes I enter the break lounge when they're already there and when they see me they stop talking about whatever they were talking about. It's like I interrupted something or they don't want me to hear it. This happened a couple times already since I started working and it makes me feel awkward and uncomfortable. I don't wanna be their friend or whatever I just wish they would stop treating me like an outsider who invaded their privacy or something. Today on a break they all went to a cafe nearby and left me alone. They didn't even bother to tell me they're leaving. I had to cover the work for them because I was alone with the guys. If a new girl joined my workplace I would never treat her like that. I would do everything I can to make her feel welcomed. The men co workers were looking at me and treating me in a pity kinda way because I was alone. It's clear they noticed how I'm being excluded. Every day I come home and reply the whole day over and over again thinking about something weird or dumb I might have said that made them judge me like that. I don't think I'm weird but they make me feel like I am.

 

[mahakaliSS_MahaDurga]

I am really sorry you are going through that. I understand how that might make you feel weird, but it is not your fault they are like that.They've probably known each other for a long time. Maybe try approaching one of them when she is alone, just to try to establish a bit of rapport. She might invite you with them the next time.

 

[woxihuanni]

They are cunts. I never know what to do with their ilk, either.

 

[WitheringAway]

I am really sorry you are going through that. I understand how that might make you feel weird, but it is not your fault they are like that.They've probably known each other for a long time. Maybe try approaching one of them when she is alone, just to try to establish a bit of rapport. She might invite you with them the next time.

I really don't even feel comfortable yet to join them. I'm just sick of being put in awkward positions. They make everyday so awkward and embarrassing for me. Today one guy said to the whole group "we must throw a welcome party to .......... finally someone new joined us" and they just nodded and changed the subject. One of them even smirked and rolled her eyes. I was like ???????????

 

[mahakaliSS_MahaDurga]

I really don't even feel comfortable yet to join them. I'm just sick of being put in awkward positions. They make everyday so awkward and embarrassing for me. Today one guy said to the whole group "we must throw a welcome party to .......... finally someone new joined us" and they just nodded and changed the subject. One of them even smirked and rolled her eyes. I was like ???????????

They sound horrible, I hope at least one of them isn't a total bitch.

 

[woxihuanni]

I would send a big dildo to all of them, from unknown admirer. Just imagine them getting their presents and scorning you for not having one, and voila.

 

[WitheringAway]

They sound horrible, I hope at least one of them isn't a total bitch.

I mean it's already been a week and I don't like to judge people right away but it's clear that they don't want newcomers.

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

The reason they don't like you is them, not you.

I've seen this kind of scenario in so many work environments. It's a power thing with women -- they'll share power with who they like and exclude those they don't, especially if they can pick out a perceived weakness. They may feel threatened by your talent, ability, skill, positivity, because you got chosen for your dream job, etc. They won't build an emotionally weaker woman up, they'll step on her even harder and keep her down. The woman who doesn't take their shit, who stays strong inside, will perhaps eventually be welcomed, but that's the time to really watch out, because if they're like that, and they have power-over-other and pettiness issues, then what are you being invited into?

Far better to find what you're about inside that gives you self-worth and cling to that when being pushed against or pushed out, and also when being invited to join. Changing one's boundaries for comfort or convenience doesn't make things better, it just gives more power to the one who doesn't know how to share it and doesn't want to.

They've shown you how and who they are: petty haters. Being accepted by someone like that rarely turns out to be a gift. If they do accept you, and you rise above within the organization, they'll likely go into crabpot mentality and try to drag you down inside yourself, and/or in others' estimation.

You've only been there a week. This is a great time for observing and gathering impressions, especially any red flag behaviors, including from those who seem "nice."

 

[WitheringAway]

The reason they don't like you is them, not you.

I've seen this kind of scenario in so many work environments. It's a power thing with women -- they'll share power with who they like and exclude those they don't, especially if they can pick out a perceived weakness. They may feel threatened by your talent, ability, skill, positivity, because you got chosen for your dream job, etc. They won't build an emotionally weaker woman up, they'll step on her even harder and keep her down. The woman who doesn't take their shit, who stays strong inside, will perhaps eventually be welcomed, but that's the time to really watch out, because if they're like that, and they have power-over-other and pettiness issues, then what are you being invited into?

Far better to find what you're about inside that gives you self-worth and cling to that when being pushed against or pushed out, and also when being invited to join. Changing one's boundaries for comfort or convenience doesn't make things better, it just gives more power to the one who doesn't know how to share it and doesn't want to.

They've shown you how and who they are: petty haters. Being accepted by someone like that rarely turns out to be a gift. If they do accept you, and you rise above within the organization, they'll likely go into crabpot mentality and try to drag you down inside yourself, and/or in others' estimation.

You've only been there a week. This is a great time for observing and gathering impressions, especially any red flag behaviors, including from those who seem "nice."

Everything you said makes perfect sense. Regarding the last thing you mentioned about people who seem nice is terrifyingly true. There's one girl who told me first day in the job to ask her if "I needed anything" then (multiple times) I caught her going back and forth telling people "X person said this" "X person didn't do this" "X person should have done this" etc that was a huge red flag. I've always wished women would build each other up. sadly and generally, they don't.

 

[mahakaliSS_MahaDurga]

Everything you said makes perfect sense. Regarding the last thing you mentioned about people who seem nice is terrifyingly true. There's one girl who told me first day in the job to ask her if "I needed anything" then (multiple times) I caught her going back and forth telling people "X person said this" "X person didn't do this" "X person should have done this" etc that was a huge red flag. I've always wished women would build each other up. sadly and generally, they don't.

Yes, sadly they don't. It really sucks to be a woman, on the one hand most men look down on you (especially the ones who pretend to believe in equality), and on the other, most women will stab you in the back the first chance they get.

 

[WitheringAway]

Yes, sadly they don't. It really sucks to be a woman, on the one hand most men look down on you (especially the ones who pretend to believe in equality), and on the other, most women will stab you in the back the first chance they get.

It's so sad. I see the guys dynamic together. So simple so honest. Upfront straightforward etc They don't fake shit. I look at them, together on breaks, and they look nothing like the women.

 

[mahakaliSS_MahaDurga]

It's so sad. I see the guys dynamic together. So simple so honest. Upfront straightforward etc They don't fake shit. I look at them, together on breaks, and they look nothing like the women.

Yeah, I know. They have a bro-code. Sadly, most women see other women as competition, not as sisters.

 

[Ghost2211]

If I encountered a group of women that was that outwardly rude and I had to work with them and I didn't want to be their friend I would simply be annoyingly overly friendly every time I encounter them. Act exceedingly happy, greet them, and ask them about their day and how their weekend was, and of course always have some form of annoying Smalltalk to make. If they're going to be passive aggressive assholes might as well do it back and get a laugh out of it.

 

[Deleted member 1465]

Herd mentality, power clique, seen that many times. Sad, but we are often insecure animals who feel safer in consensus.

If I encountered a group of women that was that outwardly rude and I had to work with them and I didn't want to be their friend I would simply be annoyingly overly friendly every time I encounter them. Act exceedingly happy, greet them, and ask them about their day and how their weekend was, and of course always have some form of annoying Smalltalk to make. If they're going to be passive aggressive assholes might as well do it back and get a laugh out of it.

LOL that was more or less the sort of thing I was going to post.

 

[WitheringAway]

If I encountered a group of women that was that outwardly rude and I had to work with them and I didn't want to be their friend I would simply be annoyingly overly friendly every time I encounter them. Act exceedingly happy, greet them, and ask them about their day and how their weekend was, and of course always have some form of annoying Smalltalk to make. If they're going to be passive aggressive assholes might as well do it back and get a laugh out of it.

 

[sadbadpsychogirl]

i hate how most women treat other women. it makes me ashamed to be one. coincidentally this is how i've lost most of my jobs, i just didn't "fit in" with the other chicks

 

[WitheringAway]

i hate how most women treat other women. it makes me ashamed to be one. coincidentally this is how i've lost most of my jobs, i just didn't "fit in" with the other chicks

I'm shocked and upset to come to this realization about women in a workplace. This is my first job EVER. I've never worked before anything. Never had to. I obviously need the job now and it sucks having to adjust to all the stress and rude behaviors. Today was especially hard since the gossip was unreal. They seem very problematic/ dramatic and attention seekers.

 

[Sprite_Geist]

It sounds like a case of a clique. They dislike you because you do not fit in, but fitting in is not always good or something you should do. From what you have posted it sounds as if the problem is on them and not you. They could simply be bullies that are looking for any reason to attack you. You could tick all of the boxes to fit their criteria and they still might find a flaw with you, and if they cannot find one they will create it.

Not just this, but it is very hard to please everyone all of the time anyway. If you do fit in somewhere you will be labelled as a "sheep" by those who are individualistic, rebellious and do not like being around others. On the other hand if you do not fit in, whether deliberately or unintentionally, you will be called "ignorant", "rude" or "stuck up" by those who are more collectivist and like being part of a group.

It's so sad. I see the guys dynamic together. So simple so honest. Upfront straightforward etc They don't fake shit. I look at them, together on breaks, and they look nothing like the women.

Yeah, I know. They have a bro-code. Sadly, most women see other women as competition, not as sisters.

This is not always true - the "bro-code" only exists in some male social circles. Men can be just as competitive and mean-spirited as women, but in different ways. Bad behaviour in women might manifest itself in the form of mind games - talking behind your back, name calling, passive-aggression, etc; basically what other users have posted about in this thread. This is psychological abuse. Whereas with men abusive behaviour might be more physical - displayed aggression, fist fights, an obsession with toughness and so on. One will hurt your body and the other will hurt your mind. This is not trying to invalidate what you have both said, but: "the grass is not always greener".

 

[WitheringAway]

It sounds like a case of a clique. They dislike you because you do not fit in, but fitting in is not always good or something you should do. From what you have posted it sounds as if the problem is on them and not you. They could simply be bullies that are looking for any reason to attack you. You could tick all of the boxes to fit their criteria and they still might find a flaw with you, and if they cannot find one they will create it.

Not just this, but it is very hard to please everyone all of the time anyway. If you do fit in somewhere you will be labelled as a "sheep" by those who are individualistic, rebellious and do not like being around others. On the other hand if you do not fit in, whether deliberately or unintentionally, you will be called "ignorant", "rude" or "stuck up" by those who are more collectivist and like being part of a group.





This is not always true - the "bro-code" only exists in some male social circles. Men can be just as competitive and mean-spirited as women, but in different ways. Bad behaviour in women might manifest itself in the form of mind games - talking behind your back, name calling, passive-aggression, etc; basically what other users have posted about in this thread. This is psychological abuse. Whereas with men abusive behaviour might be more physical - displayed aggression, fist fights, an obsession with toughness and so on. One will hurt your body and the other will hurt your mind. This is not trying to invalidate what you have both said, but: "the grass is not always greener".

I could care less about fitting in. The main problem is the way they treat me like an unwanted intruder. Like I'm coming to steal their paycheck or something. It's really that bad. I can't even say one of them is different. They're all the same. I get home with a major migraine from the continuous loud talking and screaming all day. The guys are much more accepting and normal.

 

[Deleted member 17949]

I understand how you feel, it's awful being nervous in a new environment and realizing that nobody likes you there. Please don't beat yourself up over this, workplaces can be cruel at times and it sucks.

 

[Good4Nothing]

They are cunts. I never know what to do with their ilk, either.

You crack me up!

 

[Going Home]

I started a job a week ago. After having been unemployed since graduation on 2017. It's the job I've always wanted. Only problem is the female co workers don't like me for some reason (I'm a female). They form a group on breaks and sit, talk and laugh and they never invite me to join them. I don't feel included or welcomed whatsoever. Sometimes I enter the break lounge when they're already there and when they see me they stop talking about whatever they were talking about. It's like I interrupted something or they don't want me to hear it. This happened a couple times already since I started working and it makes me feel awkward and uncomfortable. I don't wanna be their friend or whatever I just wish they would stop treating me like an outsider who invaded their privacy or something. Today on a break they all went to a cafe nearby and left me alone. They didn't even bother to tell me they're leaving. I had to cover the work for them because I was alone with the guys. If a new girl joined my workplace I would never treat her like that. I would do everything I can to make her feel welcomed. The men co workers were looking at me and treating me in a pity kinda way because I was alone. It's clear they noticed how I'm being excluded. Every day I come home and reply the whole day over and over again thinking about something weird or dumb I might have said that made them judge me like that. I don't think I'm weird but they make me feel like I am.

They sound like a bunch of ignorant, petty assholes. Fuck 'em.

 

[mahakaliSS_MahaDurga]

I would send a big dildo to all of them, from unknown admirer. Just imagine them getting their presents and scorning you for not having one, and voila.

I miss this humor.

 

[flatearth]

Yeah, I know. They have a bro-code. Sadly, most women see other women as competition, not as sisters.

this simple sentence made me so sad because it's true. but why does it have to be this way i don't understand

 

[Enabran255]

High school never ends. The worst part about modern employment isn't the work itself, it's the bullying and office politics.

 

[Symbiote]

Work that job for a bit, use it for experience so when you get a new job with better people, you'll forget those clowns who will be stuck there for the next 20 years. Never become complacent or allow yourself to stagnate in a career.