Venting Nobody knows how I am really doing

[AnonymousL]

Everyone thinks i'm doing better, that i'm in a better place.

I was, but i'm falling back down and I am afraid to tell anyone. I dont want to dissapoint my boyfriend. He's so happy that I am doing better.
He's saying I can look for a job soon and that I will earn more money and then we can do so much more fun things together. But I cant.

I am thinking about dying everyday. I am dissapointed when I wake up. I feel an extreme guilt towards everyone around me.


I AM NOT DOING OKAY!!

I wanna scream it, I wanna shout it of rooftops but I am afraid..

My dad said that its time to get better since nobody wants to stay with someone that is mentally ill. That my boyfriend will leave me.
What if i never get better?

 

[dinosavr]

Of course it can still get better. I know it's hard to see it from your perspective but for real, there's hope and no wonder others stick to it so much because that's basically all they can do for you. It's reasonable but mostly really sad and unfair to you.
Try to think about what they say as a floppy way of supporting you. And please, don't let anyone tell you that what you're going through doesn't matter or that it's easy. That's not what life should be about. You should be able to stop living in a survival mode, it's just your right

 

[Not A Fan]

My dad said that its time to get better since nobody wants to stay with someone that is mentally ill. That my boyfriend will leave me.

Damn. Yeah this kinda thing is why I keep my mouth shut. Like you can just choose a time and date to not have mental illness anymore. God when people say shit like it just makes it seem like it's completely your own fault and decision. Hello you can't just magically become a different person. ughhhhh

 

[emptyenvelopes]

I think the saddest thing is that when you're not okay, you just want to be seen as you are and accepted anyways. It's exhausting and anxiety producing to pretend you're okay when you're not. When they people in your life won't let you feel seen, I think it's time to move on and fine people that will.

 

[indefinitesleep]

if theres hope in your situatuon cling on to that, I dont know your situation but any bit of hope that it was improving youve felt recently shows its not too far away for you

 

[Lost Magic]

Have you tried medicine or therapy? Might as well exhaust all options just to see what happens. Nobody can live in your shoes or really know what goes on inside a person.

 

[UKscotty]

There is always hope of recovery until our last breath.