brokenwaves
i need to cross a border that’s hard to define
- Feb 19, 2021
- 118
i'm planning to ctb in like 2-3 weeks from now, and it's weird seeing things from the perspective that i will (hopefully) no longer be here pretty soon. my previous attempts in my life were all super impulsive so i never really experienced this, and it's strange living with it planned out to some extent. one of the biggest things i see is how oblivious everybody is, they have no idea i am so suicidal to the point i plan to ctb in a few weeks. nobody has even asked me how am i feeling in idk how long probably months, they're so consumed in their own dramas. part of me is a little annoyed by this, part of me understands they have their own shit and they don't know the truth anyway so i can't hold it against them. it's just strange to have people come to me with all their problems and petty drama asking for advice and support, and they don't even suspect a thing, they don't even care to ask how i am doing (even though they know i am mentally ill). in a way though, it makes it easier as i don't have people analysing my every move and stressing over this before it even happens. but how sad that nobody around me knows me well enough to even tell that there is something wrong! oh well!