To be fair, I did have a decent childhood and my parents did all they could. I was alone a lot of the time though since they were both at work for very long. But that's what happens when you're poor in a big city.
Yeah it seems a lot of people think this way too. It's wired into our biology to be social, and although not everyone needs it for a variety of reasons, most do. And I very much likey talking about stuff.
Sorry yours did too. It happens. I do not like it happening, however it's not worth the effort to be with someone who has changed too differently compared to you. Even if you didn't break contact, it would have been extremely toxic or would have faded out over time anyway.
Also I appreciate the long reply and the effort it took to write that, thanks.
I'd rather receive attention from a lot of people than one person who cares about me. Why? Because it's the same to me, I assume neither give a shit.
(but I get barely any attention so I kinda like any, or maybe I need more than the average person)
Blah blah I struggle with vulnerability or whatever and no I'm not going to work on that since it breaks my little facade of me being really cool and mysterious and if my facade is broken I go craazzzyy wooo
It sucks how people can work a lot and still be poor. I read that one couple who were lawyers and rarely home bought a dog to keep company to their child, so the child wouldn't be lonely, but of course being with a dog and being with a human is different.
I wish I wouldn't need to be social, because it feels impossible to find good people to hang out with. I mean, I have made friends with lots of good people on the Internet (though the friendships always end because I'm too stressed to keep talking), but irl it's so hard. On the Internet I can go to lots of places, post "I'm lonely and don't have any friends. Would someone like to be friends with me? We could talk about anime and games." and meet lots of people who are willing to hang out with me, but irl there's no place where you can go to meet new friends. And on the Internet you can say "I have asperger and I'm jobless and depressed and I hate my parents" and still meet lots of people who say "Me too! You're just like me!" but irl people are like "I don't want to be friends with aspergers. Why are you jobless? All proper people have jobs! You're depressed? You're probably crazy! How can you not love your parents, are you a heartless psychopath?"
Thanks. True, it's still so hard, and I have days when I want to contact him, but I haven't yet. I'd say that 90% of the time I spent with him I enjoyed, but the 10% was so toxic that it made me leave.
I love writing, I should probably write a book. No problem!
I guess I'd rather receive attention from many than one too, because I don't want to be dependent on one person. That's hard with friendships. Often when people have only one friend, they'll keep calling and texting that one friend so much that the friend gets annoyed. That has happened to me, because I rarely have many people to call. I feel like they think "I don't have time to hang out with you every second, leave me alone". Meanwhile if you have several friends you don't have the "I'm lonely, well, time to call my only friend for the tenth time this week, I hope they won't get mad." problem.
Wanting attention is healthy, it's a basic human need. It only becomes unhealthy when you get lots of positive attention from different sources and still want more. And of course what kind of attention you receive is important too. Sometimes I draw a picture and people will just talk to me about everything else while I just want someone to look at the picture. Or when I watched Castlevania and wanted to talk about it but no one else had watched it (and no, I won't go to Reddit and get downvoted). I had one friend that I didn't share hobbies with, so the chats were like "Nice weather" instead of anything that I would have liked.
