Help Nobody Cares.

[Amz_Falls]

Im sorry to post this but I don't know where to turn. I'm sat here crying. I'm so hurt. Apart from my boyfriend who is absolutely amazing nobody cares about me.
I used to have a couple of friends but since I jumped nobody will speak to me. It's been over 3 months since I had a text or call from someone other than my boyfriend.
It hurts so fucking much that I can jump off a bridge and not one person talks to me. I'm now crippled and alone. I asked a 'friend' yesterday why she visited me in Intensive Care while I was in a coma and since then I haven't heard a single thing from her. Not even a how are you. She has now blocked me because I asked that.
I don't want to live anymore. Why did I have to survive the jump. I'm just hurting so much, words don't even do justice to how I feel. Please I just need to die, I don't want to be in this world anymore.

 

[CrushedHopes]

Sorry to hear that you're in so much pain. How would you like to CTB this time around?

 

[MeltingHeart]

Im sorry to post this but I don't know where to turn. I'm sat here crying. I'm so hurt. Apart from my boyfriend who is absolutely amazing nobody cares about me.
I used to have a couple of friends but since I jumped nobody will speak to me. It's been over 3 months since I had a text or call from someone other than my boyfriend.
It hurts so fucking much that I can jump off a bridge and not one person talks to me. I'm now crippled and alone. I asked a 'friend' yesterday why she visited me in Intensive Care while I was in a coma and since then I haven't heard a single thing from her. Not even a how are you. She has now blocked me because I asked that.
I don't want to live anymore. Why did I have to survive the jump. I'm just hurting so much, words don't even do justice to how I feel. Please I just need to die, I don't want to be in this world anymore.

What is wrong with yr friends?! not cool :(

 

[azucaramargo]

Im sorry to post this but I don't know where to turn. I'm sat here crying. I'm so hurt. Apart from my boyfriend who is absolutely amazing nobody cares about me.
I used to have a couple of friends but since I jumped nobody will speak to me. It's been over 3 months since I had a text or call from someone other than my boyfriend.
It hurts so fucking much that I can jump off a bridge and not one person talks to me. I'm now crippled and alone. I asked a 'friend' yesterday why she visited me in Intensive Care while I was in a coma and since then I haven't heard a single thing from her. Not even a how are you. She has now blocked me because I asked that.
I don't want to live anymore. Why did I have to survive the jump. I'm just hurting so much, words don't even do justice to how I feel. Please I just need to die, I don't want to be in this world anymore.

Very hurtful indeed!

 

[Amz_Falls]

Sorry to hear that you're in so much pain. How would you like to CTB this time around?

I want to jump in front of a train but I can't do that to the driver and everyone else so I'm stuck in this life. No other method apart from jumping is doable. My head won't let me even though I know how much nicer they would be. I just don't know what to do anymore. I'm stuck on this planet and I can't cope.

 

[CrushedHopes]

I want to jump in front of a train but I can't do that to the driver and everyone else so I'm stuck in this life. No other method apart from jumping is doable. My head won't let me even though I know how much nicer they would be. I just don't know what to do anymore. I'm stuck on this planet and I can't cope.

Why? Are you unable to gather the materials for SN?

 

[Amz_Falls]

Why? Are you unable to gather the materials for SN?

Yes I could gather them easily but my fucked up head wants my body to be smashed up. It's what I deserve. That's why I jumped before. The only reason I'm alive right now is because of my boyfriend and my conscience for the train driver. It's like I'm being tortured and I need to die right now I can't take it.

 

[CrushedHopes]

Yes I could gather them easily but my fucked up head wants my body to be smashed up. It's what I deserve. That's why I jumped before. The only reason I'm alive right now is because of my boyfriend and my conscience for the train driver. It's like I'm being tortured and I need to die right now I can't take it.

You deserve to pass on more peacefully, no matter how much you think you deserve a brutal death. You owe it to yourself after all the suffering you've been through, especially when gathering the SN materials is not even difficult for you.

 

[Amz_Falls]

You deserve to pass on more peacefully, no matter how much you think you deserve such a brutal death. You owe it to yourself after all the suffering you've been through, especially when gathering the SN materials is not even difficult for you.

I know, but I just can't. It's like I need to prove to myself how fucked up I am and hate myself. Should I jump again? I'm worried the metal work they've used to put me back together will protect me more as it's titanium.

 

[TAW122]

I'm really sorry to hear about the situation that you are in. I don't recommend just jumping again especially if you can find some other method. It really sucks that you feel like you have to punish your body like that, but I don't recommend it since it wouldn't help you get closer to what you are hoping to achieve (CTB'ing in this case). My suggestion would be to somehow convince yourself and rationalize your mind that you don't have to choose this particular method and that finding a more peaceful, reliable method would be better. It's easier said than done though.

 

[Deleted member 1465]

Oh Amz. I remember your story. Friends only go so far and I expect they don't feel equipped to deal with a situation as awful as yours. A real friend would but that can be hard to come by. I know what it's like to be abandoned. And to feel worthless.
I can only offer my thoughts and sympathy.

 

[Amz_Falls]

So I tried to reach out to another friend. We were meant to meet at the pub and 3. I bought her her favourite sweets and she never turned up. She hasn't spoken to me again since I was in hospital. I'm done with this fucking world. I'm gonna CTB tomorrow.

I'm really sorry to hear about the situation that you are in. I don't recommend just jumping again especially if you can find some other method. It really sucks that you feel like you have to punish your body like that, but I don't recommend it since it wouldn't help you get closer to what you are hoping to achieve (CTB'ing in this case). My suggestion would be to somehow convince yourself and rationalize your mind that you don't have to choose this particular method and that finding a more peaceful, reliable method would be better. It's easier said than done though.

Thank you for your compassion. I can't go peacefully, I deserve to be a smashed up mess. I must be such a horrible fucking person to jump off a bridge, cripple myself and no one give a shit. I used to be quite 'popular' in real. Now, I have no one.

Oh Amz. I remember your story. Friends only go so far and I expect they don't feel equipped to deal with a situation as awful as yours. A real friend would but that can be hard to come by. I know what it's like to be abandoned. And to feel worthless.
I can only offer my thoughts and sympathy.

Thank you Underscore. She was a true friend. I was like her daughter. She looked after me and took me in for years. Now she won't have anything to do with me despite promising she would look after me and she wished I was her daughter.

 

[OnlyMercy]

So I tried to reach out to another friend. We were meant to meet at the pub and 3. I bought her her favourite sweets and she never turned up. She hasn't spoken to me again since I was in hospital. I'm done with this fucking world. I'm gonna CTB tomorrow.

Thank you for your compassion. I can't go peacefully, I deserve to be a smashed up mess. I must be such a horrible fucking person to jump off a bridge, cripple myself and no one give a shit. I used to be quite 'popular' in real. Now, I have no one.

Thank you Underscore. She was a true friend. I was like her daughter. She looked after me and took me in for years. Now she won't have anything to do with me despite promising she would look after me and she wished I was her daughter.

I truly am sorry that no one in your life seems to care about your suffering. I hope this forum can provide you some comfort and sense of belonging whole you still remain in this world. I too have come to the bleak and harsh reality that no one cares and nothing really matters. This has paradoxically allowed me to continue living life in a carefree and semi hedonistic manner with the underlining thought that everything and everyone you know and will come to know will soon be reduced to dust and nothing more.

 

[Essence]

@Amz_Falls My heart goes out to you sweetie I so wish I could take this pain away for you