"Nobody can save me, only help me save myself"

[DeathIsTheWayOut99]

Something I made up as I am sitting here on my bed, making a Pokemon manga and playing games for ours. The fam decided not to celebrate, and I am glad tbh

Theres nothing to do today man. Anyways, about the title of my post

I....am always expecting someone to help me. I was never valued as a kid and so I act in immature ways to get attention

when I am overwhelmed I leave people on read hoping that my absence will make them chase me more and get attention that way

I know I'm an immature idiot 5 year old in a 22 year old body

I suck I get it

But its the way I am

As an adult I am sadly responsible for myself. Even if people help me, I have to do the work

But im a fucking couch potato and I suck ass

 

[Deleted member 17949]

I feel like you're probably being too hard on yourself here. Understanding your limits and knowing that you can't overcome your problems without help is not immature or irresponsible. As nice as it would be, we can't always rely on our brains making all the correct feelings and conclusions to allow us to move forward through life. Sometimes you need support and that is okay.

 

[DeathIsTheWayOut99]

I feel like you're probably being too hard on yourself here. Understanding your limits and knowing that you can't overcome your problems without help is not immature or irresponsible. As nice as it would be, we can't always rely on our brains making all the correct feelings and conclusions to allow us to move forward through life. Sometimes you need support and that is okay.

The thing is....I have hurt people by talking and being open. I can be hurtful and even abusive. And so.......its like I dont want to br a burden to others. I've caused too much pain before

 

[WinterFaust]

I relate to this post a lot. I tell myself a lot of the same things at 26. And when I was 22, I did the same. I'm obviously here and struggling so you can take my words with a grain of salt, but you're allowed to want help.

I personally think everyone needs assistance at some point. Everyone. There are plenty of "normal" people who don't struggle with suicidal ideation or health issues that are currently living with family or getting support from friends. Needing help doesn't make you a failure, it makes you human. I don't think people are meant to just do everything on their own.

I agree with @cryptic__egg. You're being incredibly hard on yourself. I'm not saying we don't ultimately have responsibility over our lives. We do. But we make choices with the tools and knowledge we have. I know in my case, my current toolkit is really limited.

 

[Deleted member 19276]

The thing is....I have hurt people by talking and being open. I can be hurtful and even abusive. And so.......its like I dont want to br a burden to others. I've caused too much pain before

Not true! You are not a pain and will never be in my opinion. Those people that did this to you, they are probably saying "it's your fault" to manipulate you.
Sometimes it feels like we are a burden, but it seems at the end of the day, we are just human. With our sets of emotions and understandings towards the World. This same grim World that has taken so much from us.
I agree with @WinterFaust on this one, it's said very well, what they wrote.

 

[Deleted member 17949]

The thing is....I have hurt people by talking and being open. I can be hurtful and even abusive. And so.......its like I dont want to br a burden to others. I've caused too much pain before

It's okay to cause problems. The important thing is that you recognise this and honestly want to change and improve yourself. Not everyone is fortunate enough to nail all their interactions with people or even get them mostly right. I believe you can improve with time and patience.

 

[SSlostallhope]

I have bpd and I have hurt the people around me to the point I'm a loner as I don't want to hurt anyone else.

 

[DeathIsTheWayOut99]

I relate to this post a lot. I tell myself a lot of the same things at 26. And when I was 22, I did the same. I'm obviously here and struggling so you can take my words with a grain of salt, but you're allowed to want help.

I personally think everyone needs assistance at some point. Everyone. There are plenty of "normal" people who don't struggle with suicidal ideation or health issues that are currently living with family or getting support from friends. Needing help doesn't make you a failure, it makes you human. I don't think people are meant to just do everything on their own.

I agree with @cryptic__egg. You're being incredibly hard on yourself. I'm not saying we don't ultimately have responsibility over our lives. We do. But we make choices with the tools and knowledge we have. I know in my case, my current toolkit is really limited.

Yeah, I am limited myself. Ugh I am living wit a loving but highly ignorant dad and a 14 year old brother who has his moments

I have bpd and I have hurt the people around me to the point I'm a loner as I don't want to hurt anyone else.

I have BPD. It makes living impossible

 

[WinterFaust]

Yeah, I am limited myself. Ugh I am living wit a loving but highly ignorant dad and a 14 year old brother who has his moments

I have BPD. It makes living impossible

You honestly have a lot going on and I'm sorry things have been so rough for you.

I definitely get feeling a horrible person and a burden. I'm bipolar and last year during mania I did some really fucked up shit. Hurt people very important to me, lost those relationships, etc. I felt like such a monster that I became afraid of interacting with anyone and completely isolated myself. So I get it.

This guilt and shame you feel shows that you care. If you were truly awful, you wouldn't give a damn. You may have caused some level of harm but you're not doing this on purpose. Please don't demonize yourself for things that weren't really in your control.

 

[DeathIsTheWayOut99]

You honestly have a lot going on and I'm sorry things have been so rough for you.

I definitely get feeling a horrible person and a burden. I'm bipolar and last year during mania I did some really fucked up shit. Hurt people very important to me, lost those relationships, etc. I felt like such a monster that I became afraid of interacting with anyone and completely isolated myself. So I get it.

This guilt and shame you feel shows that you care. If you were truly awful, you wouldn't give a damn. You may have caused some level of harm but you're not doing this on purpose. Please don't demonize yourself for things that weren't really in your control.

Everyone here is too kind. Tbh I'd burn myself in a fire cause I deserve it

I wish I knew how to live with ignorant people. I thought I was making progress with my dad till he Brought up his religious beliefs. It makes me not want to talk to him anymore

 

[WinterFaust]

Everyone here is too kind. Tbh I'd burn myself in a fire cause I deserve it

I wish I knew how to live with ignorant people. I thought I was making progress with my dad till he Brought up his religious beliefs. It makes me not want to talk to him anymore

You're pretty kind yourself and honestly, you probably don't deserve that but I can relate to the feeling for sure.

Wow, that's relatable. My mom is super religious and I just... Can't.
When you say progress, do you mean progress with your mental health?

 

[DeathIsTheWayOut99]

You're pretty kind yourself and honestly, you probably don't deserve that but I can relate to the feeling for sure.

Wow, that's relatable. My mom is super religious and I just... Can't.
When you say progress, do you mean progress with your mental health?

Progress in us talking about how our mom was a bitter piece of shit who ruined our lives. I thought I was the only one abused but it turns out she was abusing my dad long before I was born

 

[WinterFaust]

Progress in us talking about how our mom was a bitter piece of shit who ruined our lives. I thought I was the only one abused but it turns out she was abusing my dad long before I was born

Ah okay. I see. Thank you for clarification. Yeah, honestly... That can be really tough. Feels like you're getting somewhere only to hit a wall and it's frustrating as hell.

 

[DeathIsTheWayOut99]

Ah okay. I see. Thank you for clarification. Yeah, honestly... That can be really tough. Feels like you're getting somewhere only to hit a wall and it's frustrating as hell.

Ugh yeah. So I dont feel like talking to him anymore even though we live in the same place..

 

[ZardozOmega]

same, except i cant fucking draw lol