Venting Nobody believes me

[XxSerenexX]

As a young adult, even when I was younger nobody believed that I was suicidal. My mother would tell me I was bluffing when I wanted to tell her that I wanted to kill myself. Even sent me to a mental hospital because I refused to take my medicine, not because I was suicidal.
I've ruined so many of my friendships. I was in a toxic friendship with this girl for the past 6 years, and it ended recently. We still talk but it's not the same and it never will be. When she introduced me to this guy she knew he treated me so well, but when fighting he'd often use things I told him in trust and use it against me, but still treat me like I was the only person who mattered.
I decided to end it after talking for 4 months, because of my depression. I don't want to kill myself and have him be heart broken like that. Needless to say I did it today when I felt the worst I've felt in a while, and he's mad.

I'm often open with my emotions, and tell people how I feel, which I guess is a bad thing because after admitting I'm suicidal quite often nobody believes that I'll actually do it. It's like the boy who cried wolf, but I genuinely felt like that when I admitted it, but I was scared of death so I resulted to self harming and stopped myself before anything fatal happened. I was scared of dying and the process and I still am, but now I just feel completely different. I just feel like I could genuinely do it now if I have the right things I need.
Now after telling him how I felt tonight, he could care less and all I get in return is a cold "you left me, I didn't leave you, you either want me or you don't" even though I tried to explain it was because I was depressed. He just results in "you don't think I'm depressed?" "you just need to let me in"

Needless to say, nobody believes me when I say I want to hurt myself anymore. I get it, but it can be a lonely feeling when you have nobody there for you, rather just get even more upset at you. I've really tried my best, but my best isn't enough and I don't know how to make anyone happy at this point anymore. All I do is worry about other people, but I can't do anything to fix it. I doubt I'll kill myself tonight, but I really don't even know at this point.

 

[Cryptonite]

I just want to say that your experience is totally normal. It is in human nature not to believe other people. Personally, I have a severe spinal disease, but nobody believes how devastating it is either.

This is what makes us different from others. We don't disregard other people's feelings.

Nobody will understand us until we CTB. That's extremely cruel reality we have to stay with.

 

[WorthlessCoward]

Yeah, when I tell my mother these kinds of things she just looks at me stone faced and doesn't say anything, I think she knows I'm too much of a pussy to do it. And she may be right, fuck.

Better than my uncle though, who outright tells me to stop feinting and do it.

 

[Rogue Proxy]

Nobody will understand us until we CTB.

Even after death, most humans won't put any effort into comprehending or validating the deceased's suffering. Hell, most humans don't truly give a shit about the suffering of others unless it benefits them.

 

[FuneralCry]

In this cruel world humans really can be so incredibly insensitive and there is just no point to opening up to them as they don't care and cannot understand what we go through. As humans we are certainly all alone.