No will to live

[cookiencream]

Haven't posted for a while. I've been doing somewhat better...but I've noticed I have no life goals I care about. I can only care about goals in relation to others. Like my little sister said she wanted to become a doctor but she thought med school was too expensive. I jokingly said I'd pay for it so she can become a doctor. But that has actually been serving as motivation for me to try hard in college so I can pay for her to go to med school. I've always noticed this, when I was younger I only cared about what my mom wanted me to do. Now I genuinely can't care about anything for myself. I just wanna sleep in my bed forever, but I can't so. Idk is there a way to care about myself enough to want to have goals of my own? The only one I have is a silly one, which is getting married but I know logically marriage sucks most of the time. Even the last guy I dated, who was good by general standards still cheated on me and hurt me. Ik every guy isn't the same but...ig I'm worried about making that a goal for myself. Nothing else really appeals to me either

 

[mafuyu]

I think helping your sister is a nice goal. Honestly, I find it hard to have any goals. A lot of people's goals are education or work related. I think setting up small goals at first would be helpful. Maybe get out of bed a certain amount of times a day, or go to the park, or make yourself food in the kitchen. It can be small things. Marriage is a nice goal, but I would focus on yourself first because marriage as a goal requires another person. Other people can be unpredictable, but you always have yourself.