Venting no solutions

[nosurpries]

i am so sick of this, there is no help for people like me. it makes me want to vomit when i see things like "mental health matters" and infographics imploring you to get help when in reality help doesn't exist in this world.

"help" is prisons with playing cards and seditives, "help" is medication that numb you up just enough to be able to function in a dead end job, "help" is rehashing your trauma to a stranger again and again and being told to journal and meditate. what a joke. i apologize if you've found medication or therapy that has genuinely helped you its not my intent to discredit you, i'm just so frustrated with everything. psych medication, it has never done anything for me really, other than kill my sex drive and ruin my relationship with food. and i've never been involuntarily admited or held in a psych ward but it's my worst nightmare.

i feel so rejected by everyone and everything in my life, i don't really have anything if i'm honest. i'm only fucking 18 but i feel like i have absolutely ruined my life. ever since i quit my job i have no social interaction with anyone my age. which is my fault i know whatever 90% of the time i don't care i'm very introverted and i have never been excessively social or anything. but man, sometimes it sucks. all i do all day is rot in my bedroom and play video games and sleep. i just can't seem to have any motivation these days because i feel like i have no future. all i have to look forward to is communal living until i'm 35 because rent is 8k a month and working a job i hate until i die because retirement won't exist anymore (i live in the united states for refrence). and i know i sound like such an asshole because my problems are really only 1st world and so many people have it much worse but i feel like all i do is suffer. nothing brings me joy, nothing works, i have no "little things" left to enjoy.

"mental health matter", "reach out", "communication is key" its all garbage its bullshit nobody actually gives a fuck man. i feel so alienated all the time its exhausting me. i am not a saint but i would like to believe i am a good person, i don't do sleazy things to hurt people, i don't lie, i don't cheat, i always give people the benefit of the doubt. but it feels like people are the opposite of me, so unwilling to help, so unwilling to be kind. im not saying i haven't made mistakes and im perfect, but come on. i feel like if i could just catch a break, i could use it.

i don't want to go into too much detail but the thing that pushed me to finally make a ss account after lurking on here on and off for years is because i have been shut out of the last thing i've ever had passion for, for reasons out of my control and of no fault of my own. i feel powerless and frustrated, like i don't matter. and its because i really don't matter, when i say im anti social, i mean it, i don't have friends. im not like an incel or an asshole or anything (although from this post i definately sound like one god) i've maintained friendships in the pasts but these days i'm too exhausted and busy trying not to kill myself that i can't respond to texts or go places, and people eventually stop trying i can't blame them.

there is no help for people like me. i feel like the only people that buy into all that crap are middle aged people who experienced burn out for the 1st time in their 20's/30's and went on an ssri and got therapy and then they got better. i've been suicidal since i was a kid, which i was relieved when i saw other people on here who have also experienced that. i remember being in elementary school trying to figure out a way to ctb, and it's only gotten worse as i've gotten older. there is no help for people like me. my whole life has been a cycle of being suicidal then being distracted from it only for my suicidal ideation to come back when the distraction ends.

 

[FuneralCry]

Being alive really can be so horrible and it seems as though in this life it is impossible to escape from suffering. I know that it can be awful living a life that you hate and I'm sorry that you are in this situation. I hope that in whatever happens you find relief from what you are going through.

 

[Teenytiny]

I couldn't agree more I am literally begging my mental health team for more support and instead they're stepping down my support to a much lower level

 

[ewigeruhe]

Greetings from Germany and let me tell you you are not alone in this. I've had almost the same experience as you and i am 36 now and pretty desperate to leave this world. I tried to have a normal live and to live with my issues but the most exausting thing for me was to put on my mask every day go to work and back to my apartment were i drank my night away every day. The worst was in the last past years were i felt that my mask began to slip and people began to see my depressed and lonely self.
I wish you luck in your journey friend.

 

[Hollowman]

Unfortunately they can't help all of us.

 

[nosurpries]

I couldn't agree more I am literally begging my mental health team for more support and instead they're stepping down my support to a much lower level

its crazy to me how people are treated, someone in my family was on a medication through the health care he has from his job (the job hes loyally and worked hard at for 20 years) and they decided to just stop covering it out of nowhere. its like how is that okay or fair at all? to pull out support from nowhere and either cough up the extra $200/month or just suffer? revolting. you can beg for support, beg for empathy, beg for some level of understanding and nothing changes. sending love to you man, i get it and i hope you are holding up.

 

[endmypain]

I feel sorry for you

 

[noaccount]

"A picture showing a man or a woman jumping off a window is a picture of a person with psychiatric issues, who suddenly acts in an 'incomprehensible' way, if we exclusively frame the person leaning out of the window or falling from it. However, were we to enlarge the field of vision in order to obtain the whole image, we would be able to see, for example, a line of police vans with military equipment about to evict the person in question.

The real reason behind the act is the situation of vulnerability with regards to basic items necessary to live that many people experience in our time. Knowledge of the specific facts, the missing parts of the image, make the supposed psychiatric issues melt like snow in the sun.

Psychiatry is the act of eliminating context. Psychiatry doesn't listen, it doesn't want to listen, it doesn't want to know. It only considers the fragment, an unjustified behavior or an idea openly in contrast with social conventions and it silences it.

Going back to the picture of the person who jumps off the window: the cut that eliminates the police aggression will be made by, for instance, a newspaper that belongs to the bank who evicts the person. This would lead to the apparent non-existence of a cause for the search for death, in order to direct the discourse towards the psychiatric issues of a sick person. In other words, psychiatry is at the service of power. Of course, it is much easier to quickly eliminate those who denounce important issues rather than confronting and solving them, like guaranteeing everyone, no exception, a house and an equitable distribution of the planet's resources." — Paolini, M. 2018. Preface. In: Antonucci, G. El prejuicio psiquiátrico

 

[noaccount]

anyway this is just to say - I too have to often ignore what I actually feel or what I actually need, in order to avoid the psychiatric system, it isn't safe for any of us really, it's built on caging and "correctively assaulting" people for thoughtcrime.

but like, I have enough privacy and alone time and can talk to people who are pro-choice so I don't have to pretend all the time.

you don't sound like an incel. i'm sorry you were shut out of things, it's awful.