it's hell. something you can't control. seeking moments of clarity via stimulants. constant. can't think, born a retard. like charlie from flowers of algernon. i don't have the energy to learn. dysgenic traits should be selectively eliminated from the gene pool, or else parents should take care to properly raise their kids instead of giving them iPads in their critical period and fucking right off to whatever suburban hedonic bliss they can fathom. i honestly cant see the point of being alive if you are born unintellignet, and i am not saying this as some pick-me woe-to-me fucking bullshit, and anyone who fucking says "well you sound intelligent" really does not understand the issue at hand, and probably is the type to be easily impressed by the trickery of a legerdemainist. i know because i am the only one aware of my limitations, and these limitations, which are imposed upo nme via the structure of education and testing, are utterly incompatible with real-world problem solving. you are your production-value in this world, and if not then you can choose to think of yourself as some enlightened philosopher or artist or whatever fuckall luftmensch bullshit you desire; but if you want to be an adequately integrated person, you necessarily must think practically within the constraints of the social order: the rules of the game
i did horribly in school, and in my youth i had no natural inclination towards learning. a desire to better myself only arose out of an insecurity which plagued me throughout highschool; i was constantly embittered with those individuals who seemed to function superoptimally, balancing out all aspects of their life, both academically and socially, in order to set themselves up for stable and fulfilling futures. meanwhile, i did not study once in highschool, so naturally i only scraped by with the minimum required for passing, which was unconventionally low as i attended a second-rate public school. and the forms of prejudice and social incursion which battered my self-esteem derived from these innate lack of diligence; even those who bullied me were more accomplished. the idea that the intellect gives rise to empathic qualities in people is such a cope. these fucking inveterate cunts sought to torment me whilst boasting and proliferating their academic/social integrity, rubbing it in like a caustic burn. fucking deplorable
and i was like a mindless animal during these periods, unable to conjure up any articulate thought as to why this was happening to me, with only a deeply preponderant sensation, mainly that "life is unfair, people are cruel. they are privileged, and don't know true pain." this is why the claim that other people experience and go through their own assortment of pain is a copout to me. when i entered year 10, i started to become aware of these feelings in me. i could ruminate for hours, only to arrive at something banal and concillatory, rather than any constructive means of progressing from this antipathy. in fact, i've still yet to come to terms with it. it still boils my blood to think that there are those who could act with such cruelty and indifference. this is why i am skeptical of people who declaim moral superiority over intellectual positions. you don't know what it means to be morally consistent. no one is. you like to feed your vapid ego through these virtue-signaling surgically ablative little howlers. but thats not important
these very people go on to claim that all are born equal. seems like a rather judical way of regulating undesirables who don't share the appeal of social and academic status, conflated with lazy and indigent beggars who, through their own inhibitions, lack the ability to pursue their own goals; those who never become acclimated to the conditions of the bourgeois rat-race and cast aside as useless, disgusting, filthy cretins who deserve to fall through the cracks and be met with their apathy. i don't owe anything to you people. a contradiction of the liberal tendency towards depoliticization, which in this case would require formal affirmation of the differences in people in order to provide support networks, which obviously seems to get downplayed and undermined by certain libtards
in yr11-12 i used to skip class a lot. i dreaded coming to school, even if i had a remote social circle that i could interact with; i wanted nothing to do with academia. i was made to feel like a retard throughout my entire education. i envied those who had parents willing to cater to their intellectual needs, who raised them to be intelligent; and i believed this because the alternative possibility that i was simply born unintelligent would have given me more than sufficient reason for suicide. and to this day i still cope by convincing myself that intelligence needn't necessarily be genetic, that it can be arbitrarily constructed through environmental conditioning. it creates a more palatable theory, but still one that pits me in a position wherein my own shortcomings are now static. and it seems an utter copout to claim 'muh neuroplasticity' when i'm simply referring to the most static, unchanging of analytic faculties.
i continue to cope, saying that i will go to uni some day. that i will some day be the person i want to be, not the one i was born as. but this is all a fucking lie. and im tired of coping libtards who want their own security by denying my struggles. im tired of living. its all a fucking rat race. im not some dumb fuck who just declaims 'muh capitalism' when my own problems consist purely in a genetic failure to adapt to my circumstances. yes, my value is concentrated within a capitalistic mechanism of social regulation, but what the fuck else could it be? i could cope and say that humans are meritocratic vain fuckups whose idea of egalitarianism is too abstract to ever be implemented in a way detached from our biological imperatives, since it requires every blue-collar worker to be as intellectually capable of affirming something as abstract as equality as the enlightened value theorist. whatever
anyway, most of this won't make sense, as i don't think when i type. i cant think. ive never been able to think, and still, in my worst moments, lack the capacity to do, say, basic arithmetic. actually, embarrassing but true story is that i realized that i was retarded when, a couple of months after highschool, i was watching a video on Jean Piaget where he was testing children at different ages for their ability to perform basic arithmetic through spatial reasoning, i think. long story short, i realized at that time that i couldn't fucking multiply, that i was retarded. my god. what a revelation that was. how do you justify that? you see, it doesn't matter. everyone likes parrotting their problems as noble and worthy of some degree of sympathy, and, indeed, this is seen in the case of the tortured artist, which is met with so much praise. yet those who are intellectually disabled to the point of being utterly dysgenic are cast aside as fucking pitiful and worthless, since most people can't comprehend these people; and indeed, people are so up their own asses that they simply think "glad that isn't me, despite my problems" since being unintelligent is the most worthless of attributes. uggos with high iq are quicker to admit that they are ugly than unintelligent good looking people are to admit that they are dumb fucks. always the justification of 'street-smarts' (even i lack that, so maybe they are onto something)
anyway, i think im going to leave this forum soon. hasnt done anything for me. only increased my antipathy. i'll try hanging soon enough again, as my first attempt failed because it was clear back then that i didnt want to die. i did it too close to the foot of my bed, and when i was suspended i used it as support. but now that i've come to fully accept that retarded dumbcunts should not exist, i will be more motivated in my death. im just fucking tired of all the rabble and chicanery from the morally righteous. i am living proof that not all people are equal, which is both reflected in my lack of intelligence and lack of meaningful outcomes in my life, whether that be financial or social/ im done
i did horribly in school, and in my youth i had no natural inclination towards learning. a desire to better myself only arose out of an insecurity which plagued me throughout highschool; i was constantly embittered with those individuals who seemed to function superoptimally, balancing out all aspects of their life, both academically and socially, in order to set themselves up for stable and fulfilling futures. meanwhile, i did not study once in highschool, so naturally i only scraped by with the minimum required for passing, which was unconventionally low as i attended a second-rate public school. and the forms of prejudice and social incursion which battered my self-esteem derived from these innate lack of diligence; even those who bullied me were more accomplished. the idea that the intellect gives rise to empathic qualities in people is such a cope. these fucking inveterate cunts sought to torment me whilst boasting and proliferating their academic/social integrity, rubbing it in like a caustic burn. fucking deplorable
and i was like a mindless animal during these periods, unable to conjure up any articulate thought as to why this was happening to me, with only a deeply preponderant sensation, mainly that "life is unfair, people are cruel. they are privileged, and don't know true pain." this is why the claim that other people experience and go through their own assortment of pain is a copout to me. when i entered year 10, i started to become aware of these feelings in me. i could ruminate for hours, only to arrive at something banal and concillatory, rather than any constructive means of progressing from this antipathy. in fact, i've still yet to come to terms with it. it still boils my blood to think that there are those who could act with such cruelty and indifference. this is why i am skeptical of people who declaim moral superiority over intellectual positions. you don't know what it means to be morally consistent. no one is. you like to feed your vapid ego through these virtue-signaling surgically ablative little howlers. but thats not important
these very people go on to claim that all are born equal. seems like a rather judical way of regulating undesirables who don't share the appeal of social and academic status, conflated with lazy and indigent beggars who, through their own inhibitions, lack the ability to pursue their own goals; those who never become acclimated to the conditions of the bourgeois rat-race and cast aside as useless, disgusting, filthy cretins who deserve to fall through the cracks and be met with their apathy. i don't owe anything to you people. a contradiction of the liberal tendency towards depoliticization, which in this case would require formal affirmation of the differences in people in order to provide support networks, which obviously seems to get downplayed and undermined by certain libtards
in yr11-12 i used to skip class a lot. i dreaded coming to school, even if i had a remote social circle that i could interact with; i wanted nothing to do with academia. i was made to feel like a retard throughout my entire education. i envied those who had parents willing to cater to their intellectual needs, who raised them to be intelligent; and i believed this because the alternative possibility that i was simply born unintelligent would have given me more than sufficient reason for suicide. and to this day i still cope by convincing myself that intelligence needn't necessarily be genetic, that it can be arbitrarily constructed through environmental conditioning. it creates a more palatable theory, but still one that pits me in a position wherein my own shortcomings are now static. and it seems an utter copout to claim 'muh neuroplasticity' when i'm simply referring to the most static, unchanging of analytic faculties.
i continue to cope, saying that i will go to uni some day. that i will some day be the person i want to be, not the one i was born as. but this is all a fucking lie. and im tired of coping libtards who want their own security by denying my struggles. im tired of living. its all a fucking rat race. im not some dumb fuck who just declaims 'muh capitalism' when my own problems consist purely in a genetic failure to adapt to my circumstances. yes, my value is concentrated within a capitalistic mechanism of social regulation, but what the fuck else could it be? i could cope and say that humans are meritocratic vain fuckups whose idea of egalitarianism is too abstract to ever be implemented in a way detached from our biological imperatives, since it requires every blue-collar worker to be as intellectually capable of affirming something as abstract as equality as the enlightened value theorist. whatever
anyway, most of this won't make sense, as i don't think when i type. i cant think. ive never been able to think, and still, in my worst moments, lack the capacity to do, say, basic arithmetic. actually, embarrassing but true story is that i realized that i was retarded when, a couple of months after highschool, i was watching a video on Jean Piaget where he was testing children at different ages for their ability to perform basic arithmetic through spatial reasoning, i think. long story short, i realized at that time that i couldn't fucking multiply, that i was retarded. my god. what a revelation that was. how do you justify that? you see, it doesn't matter. everyone likes parrotting their problems as noble and worthy of some degree of sympathy, and, indeed, this is seen in the case of the tortured artist, which is met with so much praise. yet those who are intellectually disabled to the point of being utterly dysgenic are cast aside as fucking pitiful and worthless, since most people can't comprehend these people; and indeed, people are so up their own asses that they simply think "glad that isn't me, despite my problems" since being unintelligent is the most worthless of attributes. uggos with high iq are quicker to admit that they are ugly than unintelligent good looking people are to admit that they are dumb fucks. always the justification of 'street-smarts' (even i lack that, so maybe they are onto something)
anyway, i think im going to leave this forum soon. hasnt done anything for me. only increased my antipathy. i'll try hanging soon enough again, as my first attempt failed because it was clear back then that i didnt want to die. i did it too close to the foot of my bed, and when i was suspended i used it as support. but now that i've come to fully accept that retarded dumbcunts should not exist, i will be more motivated in my death. im just fucking tired of all the rabble and chicanery from the morally righteous. i am living proof that not all people are equal, which is both reflected in my lack of intelligence and lack of meaningful outcomes in my life, whether that be financial or social/ im done
