No one is going to save you.

[Valon]

This is the saddest realization for me. I keep thinking eventually I'll find a reason to keep living... but after nearly 25 years, I have become disenchanted with life. I can't see myself living on into my 30s or 40s. I mean... I never asked to be here in the first place.

 

[BitterlyAlive]

Truth. With cPTSD (and depression as well), it's common for people to look for a rescuer. In reality, no one can truly save you but yourself. But what if you can't even be bothered to help yourself?

 

[mapletree]

Yeah. I wish people could look out for each other more as a community but I think culturally it's too late for that. I think it's shifting now to people in survival (or not survival) mode. Maybe it could have been changed at some point but I think this is locked in.

 

[bigdog]

I found out that if you are weak people in my family just start to attack you viciously or just despise you and instantly distance themselves. It was quite a discovery.

 

[VIBRITANNIA]

i have fantasies about people saving me, sometimes. whisking me away to some small house where nobody will find us. it always makes me laugh in the end, though. you can't save someone who's so far gone. and anyways, even if people did care, it would be rotten work to try and save me.

 

[Deleted member 18655]

Wow. I can't believe you posted this tonight, @Valon! I was going to post that I think that this is maybe what I'm waiting around for - for the person that used to rescue me to come and do it now. For all this to be over once they do come. But they're not going to rescue me or come and save or help me. I'm on my own, like I'm drowning and they don't know or want to rescue me. And since I can't rescue myself I need to forget it and move on.

How do you stop the fantasy???!!! Especially if it had come true in the past?

 

[Lupgevif]

The ironic part is that even though only you can save yourself, you cannot be sucessful in life all by yourself, you'll always have to rely on some people to some extent. So why would I want to do all this effort for myself if in the end I'll still need to trust this shitty humanity?

 

[searchingfreedom]

You really just wrote exactly what I needed to read. The only reason I've held out for so long is because I desperately wanted to believe that there is someone out there who genuinely cares and would save me from my life. I really thought I would find someone who I could live for, and they would be my reason to live, my purpose. Just wasting my breath for something so unrealistic. Damn, I wish I would have realized this sooner. I've wasted so much time.

 

[woxihuanni]

Anybody.who says 'you have to save yourself' has to go and live in a cave, completely isolated from humanity and its services. No, you don't get to take a knife or hammer with you, and you go naked. You learn to tame fire from scratch. Idiotic delusion. Don't be unkind and deluded enough to tell yourself this victim-blaming bullshit.

Society is disintegrating and everybody is fucked because of that. But it is nothing, because they will be so much more fucked in the near future.

 

[nitroautnz]

That interesting that some of you want to be helped. I don't want help, i did say to some people that i care and love, that i am depressed or not feeling very well. But its not for having their help. Im just feeling really bad that the day i will ctb it will come as a choke for them, soi i almost kind of want them to not be surprised, i don't know if it's weird.

 

[Blank Dreamer]

A delusional fantasy for me. But for some reason I can't help it. Sometimes I wonder if this is common for people with depression? The person I want here with me... can't. But I still want them here. I know nobody can save me. All the work has to be done by me. But why can't I have them here? They don't even need to help me but just them being there would work wonders. Maybe that's why I've been on a decline...

 

[J113632]

This is the saddest realization for me. I keep thinking eventually I'll find a reason to keep living... but after nearly 25 years, I have become disenchanted with life. I can't see myself living on into my 30s or 40s. I mean... I never asked to be here in the first place.

I feel that. It's like one long stretch of hoping for things to change until the hope is gone and you finally realize this is how things are.

 

[MrAsclepius]

It's what pulls me away from society the most. The lack of understanding that leads people to believe you are capable of saving yourself. If we could wake up one day and decide to no longer have mental illness, don't you think we would have done it by now?

im fucking tired

 

[Wayfaerer]

Isn't that obvious? How could one expect otherwise? To think that the tooth fairy sees you in distress and leaves a solution to all of your problems underneath your pillow?

No, I never had any illusions that some magical force was coming to rescue me. I'm just sad that I wasn't able to rescue myself when I could have. I'm not too harsh on myself though, I had little reason to think that I was able to do so at the time. You know, considering the circumstances...

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

I definitely want to be saved but I also feel like objectively, I'm not worth being saved. Even ignoring all the bad stuff I've done, thought, or believe I just don't think I could ever be made to truly maintain a full effort. The fact is that I know this is exactly why I know I can't save myself even though I know that's the best way to do it. I have tried multiple times to force myself to feel overly positive and get through and evolve as a person but I just can't bullshit myself. I know what's there is always going to be there. You can attempt to polish a turd for an infinite amount of time but it will never turn into a diamond, or even anything remotely valuable.

Sometimes I think it's because I hate myself too much that I won't save myself. That's another reason why I hate myself. I feel like I'm a version of that two wolves analogy where both wolves are bad and they're constantly fighting and ripping each other apart when they need the other to survive. Knowing this doesn't help though, like with anything else. I still hold on to that slight bit of hope that I can be saved though but I think that for it to happen it would definitely have to come from someone else and it would have to be perfect in so many ways that there's less than a 1 in 14,000,605 chance of it ever occurring.

 

[Life_is_comedy]

This is the saddest realization for me. I keep thinking eventually I'll find a reason to keep living... but after nearly 25 years, I have become disenchanted with life. I can't see myself living on into my 30s or 40s. I mean... I never asked to be here in the first place.

This is the saddest part. Even the people you are supposed to be counting on to save you - family and friends - aren't really there and would try to go away and not touch you with a 10 foot pole once they find out you are suffering in life. What's worse is they then virtue signal in Facebook or any other social media platforms how good they are when they post utterly inane and empty platitudes like "Today is Suicide Prevention Month. Please share to help someone," or "Talk to somebody. You never know that person needs help." These same people of course don't walk the talk and don't really give a damn. They just want to boost their own reputations in the social ladder. Majority of human beings are shit. Many are just wearing a facade unfortunately. Go deep in their psyche and you'll find out how horrible most people are.

 

[Xocoyotziin]

Haha nooo don't shatter my knight in shining armor fantasies. Well not really a knight, more like a wizard? Someone a little eccentric. Why would he fall for the unnotable peasant below his station and understanding? I don't know. Maybe it's a curse. From a witch. Now that I think about it I'm probably the witch.

But lol no irl relationships are so crazy complicated, and I have literally nothing to offer, that there's no way that being "saved" is even on the menu. Even if it's something like a simple gesture of compassion it'd cause feelings to well up that would probably only drive me to the other end. Everything would have to be perfect and that's just really, really dumb considering how imperrect I am.