Hey your unsuccessful attempts are not pathetic and I can understand the pain you're in for being here and listening to that "just how life is" garbage . Surviving an attempt can be extremely traumatic since not all of us want to be saved. I'm sorry you're going through all this. I understand and hear your pain. Please don't try anything impulsive like downing OTC pills since it will just cause more trauma than relief.
I respect your decisions and hope you exhaust all your options before researching a more reliable exit. If you're feeling impulsive and feel that your heart rate is in the clouds, vent and take a pause. If you have no one to speak to, talk to us. Be angry and let it all out.