Venting No matter what I can't enjoy living

[Menschenmühle]

Joy at this point is something so far away, so detached from me. I was such a happy child, I was motivated, smart, and capable. Then puberty came, and gradually my perception of the world radically changed. I was introduced to pessimistic philosophies, to worldviews that preach death and anti-natalism. I don't know what came first, is it that I was depressed, and because of that fact I decided to have a depressive worldview, or was my introduction to a depressive worldview the cause of my depression? I honestly don't know the answer. my psychiatrist is convinced of the latter, but of course they are, isn't psychiatry as a whole based on the supposition that there's nothing wrong with the world, that it's the fault of the individual's mind?

They keep trying to convince me that there's something deeply wrong with my head, a chemical imbalance of sorts. Therefore the solution, if not to cure me, is to "treat" me with the use of pills and whatnot. I don't know if I want to believe them or not, but what I'm sure of, is the fact that they're not willing to entertain my own beliefs on the matter, or the opinion that maybe it's the world that's at fault not me. That fact alone is enough to make me not only distrustful of them, but completely dismissive of their supposed "treatments". Yes it's true, I'm not a medical professional, but is the matter even related to medicine? Why can't it be, for example, that some normal person with perfectly normal mental aptitudes, reaches the belief that this world is pointless or meaningless and becomes depressed in the process, and once we examine his brain, we find that there's a so called "chemical imbalance". Is it so out of the question that his own philosophical convictions lead to an alteration in brain chemistry instead of the opposite? For me, when it comes to "illnesses" of the mind, it's a matter of philosophy instead of a hard experimental science.

I'm sorry that what I typed just now has nothing to do with the title of my post, I'm just randomly blurting whatever comes to my head. I'm bored and lonely, I have no one but you guys, and thank you to whoever read this even if you don't interact with it, you're the only people that would never judge me in an instant. I'm just so tired of this cruel world, why did I have to be born into it? But don't I already know the answer? It's because there was no reason in the first place, my parents in a moment of passion conceived a thinking piece of shit, now here we are, in an anonymous suicide forum that serves as my only comfort before I try to end my life a second time. Hopefully I'm not that unlucky and can manage to pull it through.

 

[jodes2]

Exactly. Psychiatrists don't see anything wrong with the world.

I'm sorry we exist

 

[A simple aid]

m

Joy at this point is something so far away, so detached from me. I was such a happy child, I was motivated, smart, and capable. Then puberty came, and gradually my perception of the world radically changed. I was introduced to pessimistic philosophies, to worldviews that preach death and anti-natalism. I don't know what came first, is it that I was depressed, and because of that fact I decided to have a depressive worldview, or was my introduction to a depressive worldview the cause of my depression? I honestly don't know the answer. my psychiatrist is convinced of the latter, but of course they are, isn't psychiatry as a whole based on the supposition that there's nothing wrong with the world, that it's the fault of the individual's mind?

They keep trying to convince me that there's something deeply wrong with my head, a chemical imbalance of sorts. Therefore the solution, if not to cure me, is to "treat" me with the use of pills and whatnot. I don't know if I want to believe them or not, but what I'm sure of, is the fact that they're not willing to entertain my own beliefs on the matter, or the opinion that maybe it's the world that's at fault not me. That fact alone is enough to make me not only distrustful of them, but completely dismissive of their supposed "treatments". Yes it's true, I'm not a medical professional, but is the matter even related to medicine? Why can't it be, for example, that some normal person with perfectly normal mental aptitudes, reaches the belief that this world is pointless or meaningless and becomes depressed in the process, and once we examine his brain, we find that there's a so called "chemical imbalance". Is it so out of the question that his own philosophical convictions lead to an alteration in brain chemistry instead of the opposite? For me, when it comes to "illnesses" of the mind, it's a matter of philosophy instead of a hard experimental science.

I'm sorry that what I typed just now has nothing to do with the title of my post, I'm just randomly blurting whatever comes to my head. I'm bored and lonely, I have no one but you guys, and thank you to whoever read this even if you don't interact with it, you're the only people that would never judge me in an instant. I'm just so tired of this cruel world, why did I have to be born into it? But don't I already know the answer? It's because there was no reason in the first place, my parents in a moment of passion conceived a thinking piece of shit, now here we are, in an anonymous suicide forum that serves as my only comfort before I try to end my life a second time. Hopefully I'm not that unlucky and can manage to pull it through.

my dude ....if your post is true...then we about the same man...we should talk sometime man....im sure we can have a nice philosophical chat

Exactly. Psychiatrists don't see anything wrong with the world.

I'm sorry we exist

you a psychiatrist.....lol

 

[Menschenmühle]

m

my dude ....if your post is true...then we about the same man...we should talk sometime man....im sure we can have a nice philosophical chat

you a psychiatrist.....lol

Let's talk then

 

[A simple aid]

Let's talk then

cool

 

[jandek]

I had a similar trajectory. I was kind of an anxious child already, but around when I reached puberty and I had a deepening conviction that the world is not a rational or a good place. I don't know about you, but for me it was also colored by religious thinking and ideas about "sin" and free will (or rather our lack thereof). It probably says something about my state of mind that I discovered Schopenhauer with a feeling of relief, thinking that, finally, here is someone not afraid to tell the truth.

I think reducing chronic depression to "brain chemistry" is simplistic and should be resisted, but maybe there is something that happens in brain development during puberty that triggers it. It seems to be a recurring theme.

 

[Forever Sleep]

I kind of feel like the horrifying truth is that the world IS incredibly messed up, unfair and exploitative. I don't think it takes an 'ill' mind to see this.

I do sometimes wonder if some brains cope better than others in it though. For whatever reason that causes it, I feel like a depressed brain and outlook only magnifies how bad it all is.

Looking at the way things are going, I sometimes wonder if it will only be narcissists and sociopaths that survive all this crap in the future. Still, just makes me think- let them have it. Hopefully they'll consume one another once they have exhausted exploiting everyone else.

 

[FuneralCry]

I believe that wanting to die is the rational response to seeing life for what it really is. Seeing life as not being worth living and not wanting to suffer is not an 'illness', to me it makes sense to escape this pointless existence. I find it horrifying how life is even a thing in the first place and how all of this endless suffering continues to exist. There is no value to enduring endless problems and being trapped in this human body just to eventually deteriorate from old age. All of the cruelty that exists in this world is simply undeniable. Life is such a useless concept as well, I believe it to be a burden.

I think those that see this as being a 'mental illness' are deluded. Life itself will always be the problem no matter what, and maybe many people label this as being irrational as they find the harsh reality of this existence too hard to bear so they continue to push delusions onto others just to make themselves feel better. But then something could even happen to them to make them suicidal and they would want to leave. Those who are against suicide in a world like this are actually insane.