Venting No longer human

[Nohw]

I don't feel human, I am so traumatized and have so many things wrong with me that I feel fundamentally and essentially broken and now devoid of anything that really would make me a person.
Leaving the house doesn't make sense, having friends doesn't make sense, job, family, studying, nothing makes sense. I don't see myself living the way everyone else lives, I don't see myself being... human.

Since I was a kid I always felt like something was missing, something essential, the main piece, and I never knew what it was and I did absolutely everything in this life and never filled that gap, never found that missing piece, I feel so detached, I feel so wrong, it's like I dont even belong here, I shouldn't ever try, I wouldn't ever be able to be normal.

Life seems so fun, so worth living and I wish I could be a part of it, I really wish I could be like everyone else and be real. I hope that when I finally go I can go to whenever I came from.

 

[camswithincams]

I don't feel human, I am so traumatized and have so many things wrong with me that I feel fundamentally and essentially broken and now devoid of anything that really would make me a person.
Leaving the house doesn't make sense, having friends doesn't make sense, job, family, studying, nothing makes sense. I don't see myself living the way everyone else lives, I don't see myself being... human.

Since I was a kid I always felt like something was missing, something essential, the main piece, and I never knew what it was and I did absolutely everything in this life and never filled that gap, never found that missing piece, I feel so detached, I feel so wrong, it's like I dont even belong here, I shouldn't ever try, I wouldn't ever be able to be normal.

Life seems so fun, so worth living and I wish I could be a part of it, I really wish I could be like everyone else and be real. I hope that when I finally go I can go to whenever I came from.

God. Yeah, this is how it feels for me as well. I just cant see myself continuing on, as something different than a person. Its a hard life to live.

 

[Macedonian1987]

I don't feel human, I am so traumatized and have so many things wrong with me that I feel fundamentally and essentially broken and now devoid of anything that really would make me a person.
Leaving the house doesn't make sense, having friends doesn't make sense, job, family, studying, nothing makes sense. I don't see myself living the way everyone else lives, I don't see myself being... human.

Since I was a kid I always felt like something was missing, something essential, the main piece, and I never knew what it was and I did absolutely everything in this life and never filled that gap, never found that missing piece, I feel so detached, I feel so wrong, it's like I dont even belong here, I shouldn't ever try, I wouldn't ever be able to be normal.

Life seems so fun, so worth living and I wish I could be a part of it, I really wish I could be like everyone else and be real. I hope that when I finally go I can go to whenever I came from.

It is heartbreaking to feel like you are watching the world from the outside, but please know that your deep longing to belong is perhaps the most human thing of all. I hear the profound exhaustion in your words, and I want you to know that feeling "broken" doesn't make you any less real or deserving of a place in this world.