No, it's not "up to me to change" and no, your prayers and "advice" don't help

[oopswronglife]

I got an email recently to the effect of "sounds like things are difficult, need to talk"? My response said, paraphrased, "don't need to talk, need the practical help I have asked for clearly for years and years, and get nothing but platitudes, prayers, and lectures. Never actual, practical, help."

Shitty, obvious advice that anyone who takes more than two seconds to consider that it won't work for anyone, let alone someone who has lost everything and is physically disabled, broke, and alone..."hopes and prayers"...and lectures about "first you have to admit you have a problem, then you have to WANT to change" as if I am an acoholic or something...are all people have. The last one really, REALLY upsets me. I didn't cause any of this. I am a fucking VICTIM and that's not a dirty word or me refusing to face up to a problem. I am an actual, literal victim. My life was stolen. I could live if I had support. It's not some mental game where only I can change things and if I "think differently" or "appreciate" life I will be off Maslow's bottom rung.

Oh and to make it worse people always react angrily or act offended when you decline or refute, even politely which I always do initially, their useless "help". It's always about them. Always about the ego and narcissism. Always. Not once has any actual, unconditional help happened. Not once. Event things that might seem so always, every single time, deteriorate to show it was always some self serving exercise.

I could live...not well...but I could live. Nobody cares to help...and that's on them, not me, but they are going to make sure to do everything they can to the bitter end to "prove" the opposite is true for their own needs.

 

[OneBigBlur]

I agree, I've never gotten anything but empty words or just being ignored my entire life. People generally don't really care unless it's affecting them and they will claim that it is your responsibility. It might be our responsibility to some degree but that's not how life works, many people here kill themselves because they don't even have the slightest shred of social support. People can't somehow circumvent a lifetime of trauma symptoms that affect every waking moment of their lives without external influence. I would sooner give away everything I own and live on the streets if someone took the time to care about me and value me as a person, but people can't even do that. I don't know even ask for help from normal people because I know it's a waste of time.

 

[Worthless_nobody]

Oh my gosh I relate to what you wrote so much. I'm so sorry your going thru this too. I'm quite saddened and pissed off that I have asked for help for years and no one does anything. The people who could help know full well what they could do to make my life barely tolerable so I won't ctb...but noooo all I get are empty platitudes and "your not trying hard, enough, others have it worse, trust in god and pray"....bla blah. And what's sad is they know I'm suicidal and I will eventually ctb. I'm debating leaving it explicitly in my note that they failed me because something definitely could have been done to save me (give me a few more years) but I needed their help.

 

[Ghosted]

No one likes a victim. It's so much easier to cry pretty when speaking about the deceased. A victim is alive, a victim may need help of any variety, a victim is an inconvenience.

After being run over by a bus everyone told me to reach out for help if I needed it. I did. I have no friends now.

After my health crapped out 3.5 years after the accident my doctors didn't even consider that there might be something else wrong with me, it had to be the brain injury. They even told me there is no medical literature to support their hypothesis. I have no specialist and as of tomorrow I will have no general practitioner.

Reaching out for help has gotten me no where. I should have died under that bus and everyone knows it.

Tomorrow, if my doctor doesn't prescribe the medication I need to walk, think, read, write, smell, taste, bend over without falling over, swim, do Pilates, LIVE MY DAMNED LIFE, then the clock starts and I start getting my affairs in order.

For every victim on this site and everywhere, I hold each and every one of you in my heart and I'm sorry I can't do more for you any of you.

 

[justanotherday]

Yes, I feel for all of you. I have been trying to get help for almost 2 years now. I have gotten next to none.

 

[oopswronglife]

a victim is an inconvenience.

This is the root of it. Root of all victim blaming. Victims make people fear becoming victims themselves and people generally attack things that make them afraid. Victim blaming is a well studied and understood phenomenon. It's not debated as a real thing. Yet people who know this still do it and to me choosing to do something when you KNOW it's wrong makes you evil. I have a family member, a so called "mental health professional", who has been one of the worst about this. It's such a bizarre thing to me someone being able to live with themselves KNOWING they are doing this...but I am not an ego driven narcissist who can compartmentalize and deny things because they are easier for me. Doctors seem to be the worst at this because their status and income depend on it. I have scathing letters for them, that they will likely not even fully read, and if they do will still not accept their part in this....same as anyone involved.

 

[realjunes]

This is such and important topic in the thread, and I thank all of you for reminding all us society members of our major failures that costs lives. Thank all of you for contributing, and I send to each of you my apologies that you have been victims indeed.

 

[justanotherday]

Most people cannot be bothered with us... it's like they think we have some" contagious disease' they might catch from us.

 

[hhsp]

This is such a eye opening and confirming thread
So clear
It really helps me.
I was to deep in my misery to see it so detailed.
That really helps me not to engage anymore with useless people.
Again and again, I am surprised how much this website is helping me to stay or leave. It is my choice. Finally I can choose to ctb or create the life i really want. And if the life I really want will not come very, very soon I can end it all. I am 52, was enough misery. No existing anymore, I want a real life. Better then average slave life. A free, rich, simple, very easy TEAR FREE :) LIFE. I will not settle for less. I am done with struggle. Call me a dreamer, and that it is impossible to have very good life and that life is always some struggle. I dont give a damn fuck. I want a life NOW! Tear free or else next year there will be a evening when I am not sad or upset but just tired of it. And it will be so easy to do, such a relief so relaxing smooth. I will have N. I saw how my cat got a N injection and the dying process was hardly noticeable, it just seemed like life somehow ceased to be. It was not sad at all to see.

 

[realjunes]

This is such a eye opening and confirming thread
So clear
It really helps me.
I was to deep in my misery to see it so detailed.
That really helps me not to engage anymore with useless people.
Again and again, I am surprised how much this website is helping me to stay or leave. It is my choice. Finally I can choose to ctb or create the life i really want. And if the life I really want will not come very, very soon I can end it all. I am 52, was enough misery. No existing anymore, I want a real life. Better then average slave life. A free, rich, simple, very easy TEAR FREE :) LIFE. I will not settle for less. I am done with struggle. Call me a dreamer, and that it is impossible to have very good life and that life is always some struggle. I dont give a damn fuck. I want a life NOW! Tear free or else next year there will be a evening when I am not sad or upset but just tired of it. And it will be so easy to do, such a relief so relaxing smooth. I will have N. I saw how my cat got a N injection and the dying process was hardly noticeable, it just seemed like life somehow ceased to be. It was not sad at all to see.

Exactly hhsp. Useless people are USELESS, and you don't need them in your life. Good for you. You are not a dreamer, you deserve a rich, simple tear free life.

 

[PetiteAngel]

I agree with all of you. There is no help out there. Im in the UK and our NHS is has totally gone to shit. We cant get in to see a GP and to see a councellor there is a 10 - 12 month waiting list.

Im grew tired of " pull your self together" or "youll get over it" so I dont speak about it anymore. I have no friends now because going out made me anxious so I made excuses not to go.

I do work, but dont fit in. A slave to targets and KPIs.

Loneliness sucks, but being around crowds of people is hard.

I lost my dog a couple of years ago, he was my reason for coming home and going on.

Jeez this sucks..sorry for rambling on

 

[BlueWidow]

I can completely relate to watch you're saying. I get the same thing with both my depression ( which I've been seeking treatment for 36 years for now) and my thyroid (which I've been seeking treatment for the last 23 years for). Anytime I talk about it to people, their first words, whether the depression or the thyroid problem, are always "Have you seen a specialist (psychiatrist or endocrinologist)?".
Duh, no. You know I'm so stupid that in 36 years and 23 years respectively for each problem, I never thought once to seek out the help of a specialist. Thank you so much for your suggestion that isn't patronizing or condescending at all. >Sarc<

 

[PetiteAngel]

I can completely relate to watch you're saying. I get the same thing with both my depression ( which I've been seeking treatment for 36 years for now) and my thyroid (which I've been seeking treatment for the last 23 years for). Anytime I talk about it to people, their first words, whether the depression or the thyroid problem, are always "Have you seen a specialist (psychiatrist or endocrinologist)?".
Duh, no. You know I'm so stupid that in 36 years and 23 years respectively for each problem, I never thought once to seek out the help of a specialist. Thank you so much for your suggestion that isn't patronizing or condescending at all. >Sarc<

I suffer with under active thyroid. it brings on so many problems

 

[hhsp]

Thank you realjunes, thank you

I agree with all of you. There is no help out there. Im in the UK and our NHS is has totally gone to shit. We cant get in to see a GP and to see a councellor there is a 10 - 12 month waiting list.

Im grew tired of " pull your self together" or "youll get over it" so I dont speak about it anymore. I have no friends now because going out made me anxious so I made excuses not to go.

I do work, but dont fit in. A slave to targets and KPIs.

Loneliness sucks, but being around crowds of people is hard.

I lost my dog a couple of years ago, he was my reason for coming home and going on.

Jeez this sucks..sorry for rambling on

PetiteAngel, thank you for sharing, you are not rambling
I Seems like things on this planet get worse and worse. Instead of better and better....
I think docs are totally completely full of shit in Germany. In a 2 or 3 minutes after you said Hello to them, they throw you some pills they call medicine, but i call poison. The more developed spiritually the more it is disturbing for the delicate human body. The body is also strong and delicate at the same time. Nothing is logical like so many people want it to be, rather it is a question of feeling the inner body, most people have lost contact with the inner body. They can just not feel themselves anymore, so they can not care anymore for there body and mind. THey become slaves of products, anti depression pills, food that is not fit for human consumption because it does not have any nutrients in it but a cocktail of human created poisons.
Anyways I met a elderly lady at a doctors office today and her body was crippled, so I ask her what kind of disease she has. And she says psychopharmaca from the 1970 she took back then are maybe the cause. But nobody knows even the disease she has.
My doc has a great calm energy, maybe because he grew up in the countryside and not in the turmoil of the city. Life here gets more and more stressful for everybody....knife attack on the Christmas market, ton of police with automatic rifles, everybody is afraid. Foreigners because they fear right wing parties, people fear being harassed by young gang like groups. Anyways....
IF YOU ARE SENSITIVE you will feel all of that very strongly. I can take it when i am centered in myself and my mind is quite, but when I am in a bad mood it feels like I draw all the awful people to me to behave in a bad way.
just my thoughts and feelings, not the absolute truth

 

[PetiteAngel]

Thank you realjunes, thank you

PetiteAngel, thank you for sharing, you are not rambling
I Seems like things on this planet get worse and worse. Instead of better and better....
I think docs are totally completely full of shit in Germany. In a 2 or 3 minutes after you said Hello to them, they throw you some pills they call medicine, but i call poison. The more developed spiritually the more it is disturbing for the delicate human body. The body is also strong and delicate at the same time. Nothing is logical like so many people want it to be, rather it is a question of feeling the inner body, most people have lost contact with the inner body. They can just not feel themselves anymore, so they can not care anymore for there body and mind. THey become slaves of products, anti depression pills, food that is not fit for human consumption because it does not have any nutrients in it but a cocktail of human created poisons.
Anyways I met a elderly lady at a doctors office today and her body was crippled, so I ask her what kind of disease she has. And she says psychopharmaca from the 1970 she took back then are maybe the cause. But nobody knows even the disease she has.
My doc has a great calm energy, maybe because he grew up in the countryside and not in the turmoil of the city. Life here gets more and more stressful for everybody....knife attack on the Christmas market, ton of police with automatic rifles, everybody is afraid. Foreigners because they fear right wing parties, people fear being harassed by young gang like groups. Anyways....
IF YOU ARE SENSITIVE you will feel all of that very strongly. I can take it when i am centered in myself and my mind is quite, but when I am in a bad mood it feels like I draw all the awful people to me to behave in a bad way.
just my thoughts and feelings, not the absolute truth

Thank you realjunes, thank you

PetiteAngel, thank you for sharing, you are not rambling
I Seems like things on this planet get worse and worse. Instead of better and better....
I think docs are totally completely full of shit in Germany. In a 2 or 3 minutes after you said Hello to them, they throw you some pills they call medicine, but i call poison. The more developed spiritually the more it is disturbing for the delicate human body. The body is also strong and delicate at the same time. Nothing is logical like so many people want it to be, rather it is a question of feeling the inner body, most people have lost contact with the inner body. They can just not feel themselves anymore, so they can not care anymore for there body and mind. THey become slaves of products, anti depression pills, food that is not fit for human consumption because it does not have any nutrients in it but a cocktail of human created poisons.
Anyways I met a elderly lady at a doctors office today and her body was crippled, so I ask her what kind of disease she has. And she says psychopharmaca from the 1970 she took back then are maybe the cause. But nobody knows even the disease she has.
My doc has a great calm energy, maybe because he grew up in the countryside and not in the turmoil of the city. Life here gets more and more stressful for everybody....knife attack on the Christmas market, ton of police with automatic rifles, everybody is afraid. Foreigners because they fear right wing parties, people fear being harassed by young gang like groups. Anyways....
IF YOU ARE SENSITIVE you will feel all of that very strongly. I can take it when i am centered in myself and my mind is quite, but when I am in a bad mood it feels like I draw all the awful people to me to behave in a bad way.
just my thoughts and feelings, not the absolute truth

hhsp .. as always such wise words.
Thank you

 

[hhsp]

hhsp .. as always such wise words.
Thank you

you made my day saying that

 

[PetiteAngel]

9

you made my day saying that

I meant it sincerley

 

[BlueWidow]

I suffer with under active thyroid. it brings on so many problems

I'm so sorry to hear that. I've been suffering for several decades and anytime they even get anywhere near to giving me enough medicine that I begin to feel better, they quickly pull it back. It seems like they're terrified of me going hyperthyroid, even though I'm nowhere near being hyperthyroid.
And I know that this is a problem all over the world because I used to be on a forum for people with hypothyroidism and there were people from all over the world telling similar stories to mine. It seems to be particularly bad in the UK. Some of the stories the people told of how they were treated by doctors there either made me want to cry, or want to punch somebody in the face, or both. But I can tell you the US doctors are no better. They've all got this superior attitude.

 

[PetiteAngel]

I'm so sorry to hear that. I've been suffering for several decades and anytime they even get anywhere near to giving me enough medicine that I begin to feel better, they quickly pull it back. It seems like they're terrified of me going hyperthyroid, even though I'm nowhere near being hyperthyroid.
And I know that this is a problem all over the world because I used to be on a forum for people with hypothyroidism and there were people from all over the world telling similar stories to mine. It seems to be particularly bad in the UK. Some of the stories the people told of how they were treated by doctors there either made me want to cry, or want to punch somebody in the face, or both. But I can tell you the US doctors are no better. They've all got this superior attitude.

Before I was diagnosed I went to my doctor because I was putting on weight and feeling ill and depressed. I was also trying to bring up two toddlers on my own and feeling tired all the time.

He said to me " eat bread and water. nobody fat came out of Belsen"

I was humilated and disgusted.

 

[BlueWidow]

Before I was diagnosed I went to my doctor because I was putting on weight and feeling ill and depressed. I was also trying to bring up two toddlers on my own and feeling tired all the time.

He said to me " eat bread and water. nobody fat came out of Belsen"

I was humilated and disgusted.

Doctors can be so cruel. I seem to get in trouble a lot on this website for complaining about doctors. There are some people on here that think I'm painting all doctors with one brush and I should be kinder to them. Perhaps I would be, if they had been kinder to me. I've had experiences like the one you describe. In fact, I ended up with an eating disorder due to the fact that every doctor I went to see started blaming every problem I had on my weight. My weight was a result of my untreated thyroid problem. . . the one that they refused to treat properly.
So they basically kept me hostage to a disease that made me gain weight and then blamed me for the weight gain. I once told a doctor that I was only eating 1,000 calories a day and I was still gaining weight and he told me I should just keep going lower until I started losing weight, so that's exactly what I did. By the end I was eating 200 cal a day.
I eventually developed an eating disorder and I got down to 80 pounds. Not one doctor gave a damn when I was only 80 pounds.
In fact, all the nurses were amazed at my incredibly low blood pressure. Never mind that it was so low I kept passing out. They all thought it was wonderful that I was so thin.
If my thyroid hadn't given out completely, I would've kept going until it killed me.

 

[DevilInHell667]

I got an email recently to the effect of "sounds like things are difficult, need to talk"? My response said, paraphrased, "don't need to talk, need the practical help I have asked for clearly for years and years, and get nothing but platitudes, prayers, and lectures. Never actual, practical, help."

Shitty, obvious advice that anyone who takes more than two seconds to consider that it won't work for anyone, let alone someone who has lost everything and is physically disabled, broke, and alone..."hopes and prayers"...and lectures about "first you have to admit you have a problem, then you have to WANT to change" as if I am an acoholic or something...are all people have. The last one really, REALLY upsets me. I didn't cause any of this. I am a fucking VICTIM and that's not a dirty word or me refusing to face up to a problem. I am an actual, literal victim. My life was stolen. I could live if I had support. It's not some mental game where only I can change things and if I "think differently" or "appreciate" life I will be off Maslow's bottom rung.

Oh and to make it worse people always react angrily or act offended when you decline or refute, even politely which I always do initially, their useless "help". It's always about them. Always about the ego and narcissism. Always. Not once has any actual, unconditional help happened. Not once. Event things that might seem so always, every single time, deteriorate to show it was always some self serving exercise.

I could live...not well...but I could live. Nobody cares to help...and that's on them, not me, but they are going to make sure to do everything they can to the bitter end to "prove" the opposite is true for their own needs.

This. You just explained everything thats happening in my life.

 

[PetiteAngel]

Doctors can be so cruel. I seem to get in trouble a lot on this website for complaining about doctors. There are some people on here that think I'm painting all doctors with one brush and I should be kinder to them. Perhaps I would be, if they had been kinder to me. I've had experiences like the one you describe. In fact, I ended up with an eating disorder due to the fact that every doctor I went to see started blaming every problem I had on my weight. My weight was a result of my untreated thyroid problem. . . the one that they refused to treat properly.
So they basically kept me hostage to a disease that made me gain weight and then blamed me for the weight gain. I once told a doctor that I was only eating 1,000 calories a day and I was still gaining weight and he told me I should just keep going lower until I started losing weight, so that's exactly what I did. By the end I was eating 200 cal a day.
I eventually developed an eating disorder and I got down to 80 pounds. Not one doctor gave a damn when I was only 80 pounds.
In fact, all the nurses were amazed at my incredibly low blood pressure. Never mind that it was so low I kept passing out. They all thought it was wonderful that I was so thin.
If my thyroid hadn't given out completely, I would've kept going until it killed me.

Typical doctors, dont believe you when you are physically and nearly dying, but treat you like your crazy when you want the right to die ..the world is insane