No escaping the thoughts.

[juneberry1234]

Anytime I think about the past I get depressed. Especially how happy and fortunate I was. Only 2 years ago I had a supportive family, a healthy relationship with the love of my life, friends who I could talk to about anything, and had everything going for me. 2 years later, she cheated and broke up with me after 3 months of torture, I'm recovering from abusing drugs for over a year, and am almost failing classes in college. Why did it have to be this way? Everything fell apart, I tried so hard to hold everything together which caused me even more pain. In the last 2 months I've healed significantly from the very dark hole I was in, however, its not enough, I can't escape the thoughts. How do I stop thinking about the past, how do I stop thinking about her, its been a year and a half since she cheated. I hate her, but she still holds importance to me, why? The only things I have now is music and my occasionally conversations with friends. I had it all, and now it feels like I have nothing. It feels like everyday is the same. Work and stress are piling on through the weeks with no end in sight. I've recently started free therapy but its once every 3 weeks so its not very helpful, since it's through my school I can't say anything about ctb or other forms of self-harm or I'll get kicked out. That's the last thing I want. Of course, I still have a future ahead of me, I have no serous thoughts of ctb yet, however, I don't know how long I can take being at such a low mentally.

 

[ThatStateOfMind]

I know this is a late reply, but I can relate to parts of this so hard. 2 years ago, I was doing the same. Had a supportive family (some still are, some aren't), has a very happy relationship, and more friends. Since then, though, some of my more supportive family has passed away, my ex also cheated on me and broke up with me as well. I've never abused drugs and I'm doing okay in college.

I can't say there's any real way to stop thinking about her, I haven't been able to. Worst thing is mine left me to date the person she cheated with, and that person also happened to be someone I considered a friend at the time.

The only reason I haven't said "screw it" and given up and CTB is because I have hope for the future. I also don't ge the point of your school offering therapy If you can't talk about struggles you're dealing with, makes no sense to me. I sincerely hope things get better for you!