No Escape :(

[Pentobarbital_Plz]

Nobody seems to understand one of my big reasons for wanting to die/kill myself...I don't know where to find discussion about it but it seems like it should be more common?

I am horrified by my physical existence. Itchiness, skin texture/acne/dryness and flakiness, bodily secretions, menstruation, body odor, ugly hair, finger/toe nails, shedding, sweat/clamminess/greasiness...my body hurting because I don't exercise. My muscles twitch, or I overheat, and I don't know why. Just all of it. I think humans are ugly and disgusting. I can jack off (clit) sometimes but I don't even understand what gets me off and orgasms are so temporary and pretty insignificant, and I just feel gross after. I don't know what to feed myself or what products I ought to use. I know that I suck at taking care of myself. The concept of aging and decay is terrifying. Pooping is gross. Sleep isn't something that can really be controlled. Seriously, I am like always itchy and it is so strange to constantly rub or pick at yourself. I constantly feel like I have to crack my joints. I am also bothered by how I am always visible/able to be perceived. And even if my own body was somehow perfect, I am still subjected to the physical world around me. I breathe dust. Food spills and makes me sticky or something makes me wet. Loose hairs or fibers or crumbs sticking to me. Having to use my body to accomplish tasks, and possibly getting hurt in the process.

There's just so many aspects. Physically existing fucking sucks and it's horrifying how there is no escape. To try and kill this body is a painful act. Like wtf how am I supposed to find any actual enjoyment or fulfillment out of life when physical existence in itself is overwhelming and uncomfortable??

 

[Pentobarbital_Plz]

How my body is just constantly automatically carrying out all of these processes...I can't just stop breathing. I can't will my organs to cease functioning.

I can't control how my body will react to certain foods or stimuli.

There's always some sort of taste in my mouth. Tf. I don't want to experience my mouth all the time.

Bad odors.

It's all so bothersome and there's no option to TURN IT OFF.

 

[Eudaimonic]

First off, I just want to say that I love your pfp lol

I agree that existing and being perceived sucks. I really, really hate my body and I can't wait to be free of it.

 

[FuneralCry]

I understand, I personally always find it the most cruel, futile burden to exist, I'm always so tired of being burdened with this existence and I wish I was never forced into this existence of unnecessary suffering that there was never a need for at all. This existence just feels like a mistake to me and I'd always prefer to not exist than be enslaved in this existence suffering all for the sake of it destined to decay and die anyway, I'll always find it torturous to exist.

 

[sadalways]

I feel you, i hate having a physical body and especially when problems arise with it, it's just too much to handle.