no end to the exploitation and abuse

[almaranthine]

do you ever feel like you must be in some kind of sub-category of human being? Like a lower caste or something? And while it's invisible to you, everyone above sees you marked as inferior, like you must have some symbol or brand across you that says, "use, mistreat, and discard at leisure!" Because no matter how hard you work in life, how good you are to those around you whether they've earned your good will or not, you end up exploited and abused and have nothing to show for yourself... living this way and being treated this way for so long, regardless of how much self-dignity you've managed to keep in tact, it's not feasible to keep going or trying anymore.

 

[Aeathelina]

Someone once told me that when I walk around people I look like some hunched over slave. So I know what people see when they see me. I've been in toxic relationships my whole life because I allowed others to use me without care because I was just desperate for someone to care for me if even for a little while..
Tired of being this way

 

[almaranthine]

Someone once told me that when I walk around people I look like some hunched over slave. So I know what people see when they see me. I've been in toxic relationships my whole life because I allowed others to use me without care because I was just desperate for someone to care for me if even for a little while..
Tired of being this way

The person that told you that could have been a lot more tactful with what they said, but their rudeness aside, our body language does play a huge role in how we are perceived by others. Ducking down and keeping your eyes lowered while trying to make your way through a crowd is just a defensive reaction though, and depending on where you grew up/how safe your area was/how aggressive or prejudiced people were, it could be considered totally normal behavior. I used to walk like that when I was middle school age. I didn't like making eye contact with people, even random strangers and would try to get through people as quickly and unnoticeably as possible (easy being 5'2") because I always anticipated some kind of conflict or confrontation and was doing my best to avoid this/not be judged by people. As for abusive relationships and letting folks use you just because it killed some of the loneliness, I'm right in the same boat. In the end it really didn't help. Gets old, and you get so tired, exhausted to the point where you've got nothing left for people to use.

 

[WornOutLife]

Yeah, I feel that sometimes, especially now that I've become fatter. It's amazing how people judge you and see you in a different way,

 

[DarkWolf]

I am inferior. I am basically a human punching bag and a human puppet. I exist only to be hurt and useful to others. A living target.

 

[almaranthine]

I am inferior. I am basically a human punching bag and a human puppet. I exist only to be hurt and useful to others. A living target.

I don't mean to pry, but do you feel your immediate family treated you this way first?

Yeah, I feel that sometimes, especially now that I've become fatter. It's amazing how people judge you and see you in a different way,

Most people are effortlessly superficial; they don't think twice about their immediate, skewed judgments. If you want to try to get in better shape, do it for you and your own comfort and well-being, don't do it to appease these kinds of (fucked up) people- there's no end to the amount of perceived flaws they'll acknowledge in others... typical way of empty people trying to make themselves feel better.

 

[TooConscious]

There is a movie called 'the Platform'
Its Spanish I think... Anyway it represents this world well every month by chance the 100 levels shift so level 80 moves up to level 20 and now Pisses on level 80 even though they know how bad it feels and consequences.

This world is hell.

 

[a_defect]

I only exist to be used, abused, and discarded. I am not and will never be considered human, but rather just a soulless puppet who is expected to serve the humans, those with power.

 

[Neowise]

I am a dog.
- Good dogs always obey and do what humans want them to do.
- Good dogs don't bark at humans when they are unhappy.
- Bad dogs get punishment.
- Dogs are just animals without dreams and wishes, so humans owe them nothing. Giving them food is more than enough. Dogs have to appreciate that generosity.

 

[Sslsh]

do you ever feel like you must be in some kind of sub-category of human being? Like a lower caste or something? And while it's invisible to you, everyone above sees you marked as inferior, like you must have some symbol or brand across you that says, "use, mistreat, and discard at leisure!" Because no matter how hard you work in life, how good you are to those around you whether they've earned your good will or not, you end up exploited and abused and have nothing to show for yourself... living this way and being treated this way for so long, regardless of how much self-dignity you've managed to keep in tact, it's not feasible to keep going or trying anymore.

as someone with social anxiety and body language/communication issues, I always have this feeling of being a circus animal when I am in public.

 

[DarkWolf]

I don't mean to pry, but do you feel your immediate family treated you this way first?

Yeah my brother has aspergers so struggled with anger and his way of dealing with it was to attack/bully me. He also tormented me physically or psychologically whenever he felt like it. When we got a dog(s) he used her as a other way to torment me.
My mother also loved to smack her kids and dog about but she had it in for me in particular.
She prefers my siblings especially my autistic younger half sister. She mostly psychologically tormented me. She does not like me. I'm too boyish and socially weird. She's a manipulative narcissist. I was not allowed my own voice in anything and everything I do is wrong. She controlled me and I felt like a prisoner. She does nothing but insult, criticise, judge, humiliate and shame me. I'm a massive disappointment.
My doormat dad just let it happen. Told me to put up with it, stop overreacting and being so sensitive.
To top it off I had selective mutism so couldn't speak to anyone unfamiliar. I was born broken and the world just made it worse. I had no friends except one for a short time but even she grew tired of me and even other adults didn't like me. Thought I was refusing to speak and defiant.

I am a true omega wolf.

 

[Some1's_Wasted_Fetus]

I am inferior. I am basically a human punching bag and a human puppet. I exist only to be hurt and useful to others. A living target.

I know the feeling :(. My fate was sealed when I was born into my current strict, controlling, authoritarian "my way or the highway" family. Absolutely zero say in the way I raised. Was told to shut up, never talk-back and just agree with anything an adult/guardian says with no question. Wasn't allowed to ask why I couldn't hangout with my friends/neighborhood kids after school. Wasn't allowed to ask why I couldn't have a smartphone until I was almost 18 or why I was sheltered for so long. I couldn't negotiate or anything. Parents taught me to always help others and be kind to people when you have the chance. As a result, I basically became a punching bag for other people. Teachers, students, etc. I fell victim to being too nice and kind, in hopes that someone would actually give me love, affection, and attention I never received growing up.

I cringe at all the times I let myself get walked all over or didn't stand up for myself. Those years growing up chipped away at my self esteem until there was nothing left. Being kind and nice gets you nowhere in life. I should have became an asshole that steps over people to make my way in life rather than get stepped on, chewed up and spit out

 

[almaranthine]

I know the feeling :(. My fate was sealed when I was born into my current strict, controlling, authoritarian "my way or the highway" family. Absolutely zero say in the way I raised. Was told to shut up, never talk-back and just agree with anything an adult/guardian says with no question. Wasn't allowed to ask why I couldn't hangout with my friends/neighborhood kids after school. Wasn't allowed to ask why I couldn't have a smartphone until I was almost 18 or why I was sheltered for so long. I couldn't negotiate or anything. Parents taught me to always help others and be kind to people when you have the chance. As a result, I basically became a punching bag for other people. Teachers, students, etc. I fell victim to being too nice and kind, in hopes that someone would actually give me love, affection, and attention I never received growing up.

I cringe at all the times I let myself get walked all over or didn't stand up for myself. Those years growing up chipped away at my self esteem until there was nothing left. Being kind and nice gets you nowhere in life. I should have became an asshole that steps over people to make my way in life rather than get stepped on, chewed up and spit out

Practically every day my mom and I tell ourselves and each other we should try harder to not necessarily be assholes to people, but essentially just stop being so nice and non-confrontational with those we have conflicting interactions with. Being polite gets you absolutely nowhere with most people- once they realize you aren't going to raise any hell, they cease being decent and know they can get away with belittling and rude behavior. It's a garbage world so I suppose it's only fitting that garbage people are often the ones that get their way and/or get away with anything. I'm sorry your family treated you like that and couldn't be reasonable or at least communicate with you why they imposed these strict rules. Do you think they wouldn't let you have a phone because of the cost potentially and to cover that up basically made it out like you weren't responsible enough to have one/didn't need it?

 

[Desi]

@DarkWolf
I'm sorry for you, we're so defined by what we lived in our families, and not all of them were pretty and nice.
do you have difficulty controlling your anger today ?
are you perceived as someone who overreacts or underreacts ?

 

[Some1's_Wasted_Fetus]

Practically every day my mom and I tell ourselves and each other we should try harder to not necessarily be assholes to people, but essentially just stop being so nice and non-confrontational with those we have conflicting interactions with. Being polite gets you absolutely nowhere with most people- once they realize you aren't going to raise any hell, they cease being decent and know they can get away with belittling and rude behavior. It's a garbage world so I suppose it's only fitting that garbage people are often the ones that get their way and/or get away with anything. I'm sorry your family treated you like that and couldn't be reasonable or at least communicate with you why they imposed these strict rules. Do you think they wouldn't let you have a phone because of the cost potentially and to cover that up basically made it out like you weren't responsible enough to have one/didn't need it?

Thank you <3 I completely agree. As for the cell phone thing. They had no problem affording smartphones as it was offered as a bundle with our internet and cable but they weren't taking advantage of the deal. So my dad finally got us phones when he realized we were losing money by not getting the phones when we technically were already paying for the bundle (Tv, internet, phone).

My parents have a rational fear of the outside world. They wanted to keep me docile and naive for as long as possible because they were afraid me and my sister would fall in with the wrong crowd and lose our morals the minute we saw the world for what it truly is. I could not hang out with other kids outside of school because it was another variable my parents couldn't easily monitor and control. It was always "we don't know the parents and don't know what they do in their household so no". This kind of isolation was detrimental to my social development. I couldn't even play sports, go to summer camps, etc until very late in highschool. I never really learned how to socialize with other people and or girls my own age so I missed out on all those milestones. Going to college and staying on-campus was a pretty big culture shock for me since I was sheltered for so long. Went to my first party and felt so uncomfortable and out of place lol. They also knew how twisted the world was and how easy it was to see this through social media so they wanted to prevent me from using social media for so long.

I can't say I blame them. This world is fucked up and it does some pretty messed up things to the children that are brought into it. That's why I said their fear was rational. I'm just resentful over the fact that they knew how fucked up this world was, and lied to me and never prepared me for it by sheltering me.

 

[DarkWolf]

@DarkWolf
I'm sorry for you, we're so defined by what we lived in our families, and not all of them were pretty and nice.
do you have difficulty controlling your anger today ?
are you perceived as someone who overreacts or underreacts ?

I do have a lot difficulty with anger (or any emotion) Anger has wrecked me even more than anxiety. I'm very emotionally damaged and struggle with emotional pain. In my ideal world I would not feel anything.
I'm not sure how people perceive me. I have very little to no social interaction outside of work. I don't understand other people I'm very socially inept.
I think I sort of do both on the inside I overreact. I'm still very over sensitive.
But on the outside I under react and show far less or no emotion of what I'm actually feeling. Although recently it's all spilling out.

I look at it this way:
I don't explode, I implode.

 

[Good4Nothing]

do you ever feel like you must be in some kind of sub-category of human being? Like a lower caste or something? And while it's invisible to you, everyone above sees you marked as inferior, like you must have some symbol or brand across you that says, "use, mistreat, and discard at leisure!" Because no matter how hard you work in life, how good you are to those around you whether they've earned your good will or not, you end up exploited and abused and have nothing to show for yourself... living this way and being treated this way for so long, regardless of how much self-dignity you've managed to keep in tact, it's not feasible to keep going or trying anymore.

Yes, I feel exactly like this, and have all my life.

 

[Desi]

@DarkWolf
It's something that can be fixed, something you can work on, slowly. Identifying your emotions, learning to identifying other people emotions and intents, controlling your impulse, adpating your behaviour to the situation, i mean , there are absolutely techniques and tricks and patient work you can do, change is not going to happen overnight, but you can change. I'm sure there are people, professionals who can help you. It starts with admitting you have anger in you and it makes you unhappy, it's not easy to admit but it's the starting point.
can i give you a tip: when you interact with someone, look at them in the eyes (if you can't, there is training to be able to) without blinking and without saying anything (so that you can give yourself time to evaluate the interaction and the right response). Only that, installing your own quiet , silent presence, will allow you to avoid a lot of awkward interactions, counter some aggressions before they materialize and /or be nice to a nice person and not agressive. Sometimes being strong is just being there silently. Try. Teach yourself to try repeatedly, slowly, you'll become better.
Long term, you will have to forgive your parents. Perhaps it seems impossible to you right now but the real victory is there, it will allow you to be yourself.
Wish you good luck, man.

 

[ithappens]

I know the feeling :(. My fate was sealed when I was born into my current strict, controlling, authoritarian "my way or the highway" family. Absolutely zero say in the way I raised. Was told to shut up, never talk-back and just agree with anything an adult/guardian says with no question. Wasn't allowed to ask why I couldn't hangout with my friends/neighborhood kids after school. Wasn't allowed to ask why I couldn't have a smartphone until I was almost 18 or why I was sheltered for so long. I couldn't negotiate or anything. Parents taught me to always help others and be kind to people when you have the chance. As a result, I basically became a punching bag for other people. Teachers, students, etc. I fell victim to being too nice and kind, in hopes that someone would actually give me love, affection, and attention I never received growing up.

I cringe at all the times I let myself get walked all over or didn't stand up for myself. Those years growing up chipped away at my self esteem until there was nothing left. Being kind and nice gets you nowhere in life. I should have became an asshole that steps over people to make my way in life rather than get stepped on, chewed up and spit out

Holy shit, are you me?
People should have to pass a basic empathy test in order to become parents, and if they can't their baby should be taken away from them the moment they come out of the womb. I have absolutely no sympathy for people who abuse their kids like this or in any manner.
You don't HAVE to have kids, that is 100% a choice, but being born and treated like shit is not a choice and neither are the lifelong scars and mental illnesses that come from it.