Nighttime anxiety

[BitterlyAlive]

I know I need to bring this up to my therapist and psychiatrist next week. I'm tired of my anxiety escalating at night, resulting in excess energy, emotional breakdowns, or just flat out stupid fears.

I posted a few weeks ago about how my anxiety gets so bad that I imagine dumb things outside my room and window, in the corners of my room, etc. The deer-like creature, demons, things like that. They're obviously not real, but I swear I can feel their presence. I'm terrified that if I let my guard down these fake creatures will hurt me. I'm scared that if I look anywhere that I think they could be, it will "invite" them to hurt me.

It's going on again. It's been going on for a few nights. It's so annoying. It feels like there's something right next to me and it's making me so nervous that I feel sick. I feel crazy, even though I know it's just random anxiety. I still haven't gotten that night light, but I'm thinking about it. But even when I have soft lights on, the shadows in the room scare me. I just can't get away from it.

I hope they don't laugh at me if I manage to bring this up. I know it sounds incredibly stupid. Gah.

I have anxiety issues during the day too, but it's just the normal malaise and dread. Rumination. Etc. Gets worse when I leave my room, go outside, go to work...whatever. It's better than this crap going on right now.

I guess I'm also scared because all year I've been talked to about being hospitalized. I really don't want to give more reason for them to push it :(

 

[Giraffey]

For nearly twenty years I was scared of the dark. Not necessarily the dark itself, but of this one dark corner in my bedroom where I thought a ghost lived.

I placated it with military routine as if my life depended on it's appeasement; a friendly greeting when I entered the room, a short explanation of what I was doing and a goodnight before I laid my head on the pillow. I'd hear clicks and see moving shadows in the night, logically I knew that they lacked supernatural qualities but nevertheless I believed they were the ghosts method of communication. A click meant my sleeping position lacked modesty, I'd apologise and pull the covers further up over my head and shoulders.

I daren't look at the dark corner even fleetingly for fear that such prolonged eye contact was a form of aggression in some animalistic fashion. I regularly felt cold chills and had nightmares about various personifications of ghosts, flying out and chasing me although I never considered what harm they would do.

Sometimes I would wake up in the night completely unable to move and terrified, feeling as though my soul was being sucked out of my body into the netherworld whilst waiting demons licked their lips and toasted my terror with rabid glee.

I got over these fears and over the years I learned or figured out the various causes of the phenomena. I discovered that particular items of furniture in my bedroom made certain noises as temperature fluctuations caused the metal to expand and contract, I learned that a tree outside attracted nocturnal wildlife that occasionally landed on it's branches and cast a moving shadow onto part of my wall when the moon was bright enough.

I learned that in my brain, my amygdala was working in overdrive as if I were a hunter on the lookout for the subtle movement of a reed that could alert me to the tiger about to jump out and pounce. I learned about conditioning and how I had developed a mythology about the ghost in my bedroom, I learned to challenge it step by step and grew in confidence each time as no ghost appeared.

I learned that my demonic nightmares were a common feature of sleep paralysis and I realised that when I stopped believing in demons and a netherworld, those sensations disappeared too.

My point is BA that you're not alone in feeling what you do, it's nothing to be embarrassed or ashamed about and most importantly of all, none of what you are feeling are reason to have you carted off to the hospital.

You know that these shadows aren't real demons, you're not seeing visual hallucinations like faces appearing in the walls or hearing voices cursing you from beyond the grave.

A lot of people who go through trauma have similar experiences. For me it was a resident ghost, for some people I know it's fearing that a hated figure is going to break in and wait in a shadowy corner of the room, or that the creak downstairs is a footstep.

Mention it to your therapist next time you see her, there are ways to work through this just as I did, except unlike me, you don't have to fight the battle alone. Sending more hugs

 

[almost_dead]

I have terrible anxiety upto the point it upsets my stomach .

 

[_Minsk]

I know I need to bring this up to my therapist and psychiatrist next week. I'm tired of my anxiety escalating at night, resulting in excess energy, emotional breakdowns, or just flat out stupid fears.

I posted a few weeks ago about how my anxiety gets so bad that I imagine dumb things outside my room and window, in the corners of my room, etc. The deer-like creature, demons, things like that. They're obviously not real, but I swear I can feel their presence. I'm terrified that if I let my guard down these fake creatures will hurt me. I'm scared that if I look anywhere that I think they could be, it will "invite" them to hurt me.

It's going on again. It's been going on for a few nights. It's so annoying. It feels like there's something right next to me and it's making me so nervous that I feel sick. I feel crazy, even though I know it's just random anxiety. I still haven't gotten that night light, but I'm thinking about it. But even when I have soft lights on, the shadows in the room scare me. I just can't get away from it.

I hope they don't laugh at me if I manage to bring this up. I know it sounds incredibly stupid. Gah.

I have anxiety issues during the day too, but it's just the normal malaise and dread. Rumination. Etc. Gets worse when I leave my room, go outside, go to work...whatever. It's better than this crap going on right now.

I guess I'm also scared because all year I've been talked to about being hospitalized. I really don't want to give more reason for them to push it :(

im also dealing with this, or at least something similar(?). im not sure what triggers it, maybe its stress. i get very very anxious when im about to get into bed. its absolutely silly, i get so hypersensitive and anxious, i just need the sound of a closed plastic drink bottle to make this pop sound (the one when the air expands or contracts) to get shocked/scared like hell. or someone clapping their car doors outside, which is not really loud. i also deal with this weird scare/demonic crap. like something is present and nearby. like its just waiting for me to relax so it can attack me or whatever. i know this might sound silly but thats how it feels to me. usually my mind is also racing during that time, tbh idk what it is but trying to find comfort trough ctb thought doesnt work, im so scared and my thoughts just get so irrational. thinking stuff like it doesnt matter because i will ctb/escape soon doesnt work. in that state everything feels like its a wrong decision, i will end up in hell, im doomed etc is the stuff which comes up. its very weird tbh, just had it last night, sorry op if im talking about something different here

 

[BitterlyAlive]

im also dealing with this, or at least something similar(?). im not sure what triggers it, maybe its stress. i get very very anxious when im about to get into bed. its absolutely silly, i get so hypersensitive and anxious, i just need the sound of a closed plastic drink bottle to make this pop sound (the one when the air expands or contracts) to get shocked/scared like hell. or someone clapping their car doors outside, which is not really loud. i also deal with this weird scare/demonic crap. like something is present and nearby. like its just waiting for me to relax so it can attack me or whatever. i know this might sound silly but thats how it feels to me. usually my mind is also racing during that time, tbh idk what it is but trying to find comfort trough ctb thought doesnt work, im so scared and my thoughts just get so irrational. thinking stuff like it doesnt matter because i will ctb/escape soon doesnt work. in that state everything feels like its a wrong decision, i will end up in hell, im doomed etc is the stuff which comes up. its very weird tbh, just had it last night, sorry op if im talking about something different here

Nah, that sounds about right. It's horrible and I'm sorry you have to deal with the same crap. Anxiety is one of the worst things...

 

[TheSoulless]

I've always had this. On better days I can manage, but day or night, I always worry about something. If I try to not worry, my anxiety gets even worse.

 

[BitterlyAlive]

I've always had this. On better days I can manage, but day or night, I always worry about something. If I try to not worry, my anxiety gets even worse.

Me too. There's just always a sense of urgency, so I have to worry and ruminate. It's just the way I react. it sucks, and it's so bloody hard to control.