Story Nightmares about my bullies

[leaf4]

In the last week I had four nightmares about my former bullies. It's been twelve years since I've last seen them and I thought I was done with them. Sure, I had the occasional nightmare here and there, but now they start to pile up. Why now? Why are those feelings coming back? They certainly forgot about me, but their faces will haunt me in my dreams for the rest of my life.
I wish I stood up for myself, but I didn't.

 

[everydayiloveyou]

I also get struck by memories of school bullies and feel regretful that I didn't stand up for myself then. Picking fights as a kid is the best time to do that sort of thing. You can't get in any real trouble (maybe suspended for a couple days but no one gives a shit about that) and people would've left you alone.

But that's in the past, there's nothing you can do about it now. If little you sat right across from you and cried about their situation, what would you say to them? Little you is still somewhere inside you if this memory is still bothering you. Treat yourself kindly and forgive yourself for the decisions you made then. I'm sure you had a reason then. And probably back then you might've wanted someone to listen and understand you. It's too late for others to intervene but you can still have compassion for your inner child and help them through it.

Sometimes we just get overcome with these feelings. Idk what else to say that can help but I hope you feel better, and hopefully someday this can all fly away into the wind so you can sleep well

 

[suisuiforum]

I'm really sorry that some people can be so cruel; it sounds very difficult to overcome especially if you've been dealing with the memories of your former bullies for 12 years. Although you may have regrets about how you handled the situation back then, sometimes it's only after you've gained more life experience, or distanced yourself from the events that you can step back and determine the best possible course of action. I hope you find peace one day.

 

[leaf4]

Thank you for your kind words. I thought I was done with them and when I'm awake I can deal with that feelings. It's in the past, they can't hurt me anymore and maybe they've grown as people too and are sorry or ashamed for what they've done. It's in my dreams where I don't have control, where they can still hurt me.

 

[Kattt]

May I suggest you try to learn lucid dreaming
I wrote a mini how-to,but don't imagine it will happen overnight
It's one of those things that takes a lifetime

First you will need to have a notepad and something to write with next to your bed. If you wake up and can recall ANYTHING about a dream, write it down. Every now and then read through your notes and eventually you'll start to notice when you're dreaming that you actually KNOW it's a dream. I'm sure you know about brain waves and how they work within a dream state. In case you don't, let's find a picture-easier to remember that way:
So you can see that when you are dreaming is during the short periods when your brain is almost awake. Now comes the tricky part....once you notice you are dreaming, try changing a small thing without waking up. Even changing one small thing at this point can really change the outcome. It may take some time before you can change the bit that you need to. It does take quite a while...even a lifetime to master. And it is very hard to do when under the influence.
Don't try to change too much or you'll just wake up

 

[leaf4]

That's a really good idea. Thank you.

 

[Kattt]

That's a really good idea. Thank you.

Good luck. I really hope it works

 

[FuneralCry]

People can be very cruel and are capable of causing us a lot of pain. Nightmares really can be awful, as things can still affect us even as time passes. I understand. I'm sorry you are going through this. I wish you well.

 

[TooConscious]

I'm sorry what you've been through. I'll just contribute by saying you're not alone and likewise I'm glad to see your post because I'm 30 and still dream of people I suffered more than half my life ago.
But can't remember someone's name I met from last year who I actually liked.

Its very existential depressing as it makes me think of spirits and shit as not many people look much like they do as a kid but then you Google. These people and they are exactly as you envision them in dreams. I've suffered it all my life and wake up in terror expecting it to eventually go away...
"nightmares are your bodies healing" and all that bullshit...
Well why has it took more than 3x te amount of time I knew these people to heal?
I've accepted I'm. Stuck with it and have to work around it. It's not ideal but I try to have it feed my anger. I hope find a better way.
Best wishes

 

[Makko]

May I suggest you try to learn lucid dreaming

The actual magic.