Venting Nightmare

[betterinthedark]

Since my boyfriend overdosed on monday, and the suicide attempt I witnessed at work on Tuesday, I've began feeling numb. I can't tell how I feel anymore. Last night I had a nightmare that my dad shot himself while I hid in the bathroom crying. I am surrounded by death, I cant even escape it in my sleep. I don't know what to do anymore. I feel so weird I can't even get up to cut myself anymore. I don't know how long I can keep going, but I have no idea how to kill myself. I feel like a hypocrite for trying to stop my boyfriend and my customer from ending their lives just to do it myself. I am lost.

Since my boyfriend overdosed on monday, and the suicide attempt I witnessed at work on Tuesday, I've began feeling numb. I can't tell how I feel anymore. Last night I had a nightmare that my dad shot himself while I hid in the bathroom crying. I am surrounded by death, I cant even escape it in my sleep. I don't know what to do anymore. I feel so weird I can't even get up to cut myself anymore. I don't know how long I can keep going, but I have no idea how to kill myself. I feel like a hypocrite for trying to stop my boyfriend and my customer from ending their lives just to do it myself. I am lost.

I apologize for posting so much but this is the only place I can speak my mind without hurting others or risking a trip to the hospital.