Hi everyone,
I have been desperately wanting to die for years since I was gang bashed and my life is brain damage, excruciating migraines, fibromyalgia, reactivated scoliosis, 2 different arthritis, osteoarthritis, and another one and autoimmune disorder ankylosing spondylitis one that has my eyes and organs failing and incontinence. Psoriasis. IBS. When I got to stage of needing wheelchair because I couldn't walk even a few steps without feeling like I needed to puke or out of breath and not being able to stand long enough to brush my teeth or self hygiene properly my hands too weak open bottles or doors I said it was time to go. I wanted euthanasia but I couldn't come up with the funds on my go fund me page. I got zero public donations. Not enough private donations from loved ones because they didn't want to lose me. I got a small victims of crime payout i thought to travel instead to a few last continents tick off my bucket list then get a cheap hitman in mexico, I figured how hard would it be there's plenty of gangsters about. That was a mistake. No-one wanted to touch me with a ten foot pole. I finally found someone after many weeks of daily hunting I went trawling their neighbourhood hangouts, bars, clubs and he ended up robbing me. I was careful about it, I said I prefer that he kill me first and the money would be stashed in my underwear. But he spent all night trying to break down my defenses over drinks, hanging out at my motel room, I was surprised he was willing to be seen with me. He even let me come back to his to get supplies. The plan was to take 4 grams heroin me swallow it then he shoot me in the head. As he was about go do it he said are you ready I said yes I'm exhausted you dragged the night out so long i was ready hours ago and he started crying giving me sob story I gave him the cash in my wallet watch mp3 player then he asked did I have coffee he was nervous then said he needed coffee and wait there he be right back. Needless to say he never came back. The next day I tried the heroin it was mixed with all my valiums and nothing happened. I flew to Italy for 2 weeks swearing I would jump off a hotel balcony, I rang everywhere not one single hotel had a vacancy over 8 floor or higher in that whole fortnight. I then read the peaceful pill handbook, I emailed them asking for a nembutal contact. I trusted the source. To my shock The courier demanded 300 euro fee, then in addition a 500 euro fee. The seller insisted i pay it when it wouldve been cheaper for them to just send me another one another courier. Then they said if I don't pay them 1500 euro they will report me to police. I had no money left. I wasted all my money on nothing. I complained on exit international facebook and this random guy on there said he got his nembutal. I waited til my next pay and went with his suppliers. The courier then demanded 600 euro refundable corona check refundable on delivery. i couldnt afford it so they paid it. Then they said it was delivered. My heart was in my chest. I ran downstairs only to find nothing. They then said it's not delivered actually it's at Portugal depot and they need a doctor's prescription. It was the weekend and my doctor wasn't even open the supplier said they could get me one for 250 euro I paid it but said that was the last thing I could afford. Then the supplier said they need 185 euro extra. I can't afford it and when I googled the courier it said it was a scam. It wouldve been easier if i just jumped off a cliff seriously. I have been to Mexico twice and to find out I Couldn't gotten nembutal there kills me, I just never heard of it then. Ppl tell me all these obstacles is God's way of saying he doesn't want me to die but if that was the case why if he making life so unlivable. I'm just going to have to keep trying other different and not so nice ways and that seems just cruel given the cards I've been dealt in life. Thanks for reading.
I have been desperately wanting to die for years since I was gang bashed and my life is brain damage, excruciating migraines, fibromyalgia, reactivated scoliosis, 2 different arthritis, osteoarthritis, and another one and autoimmune disorder ankylosing spondylitis one that has my eyes and organs failing and incontinence. Psoriasis. IBS. When I got to stage of needing wheelchair because I couldn't walk even a few steps without feeling like I needed to puke or out of breath and not being able to stand long enough to brush my teeth or self hygiene properly my hands too weak open bottles or doors I said it was time to go. I wanted euthanasia but I couldn't come up with the funds on my go fund me page. I got zero public donations. Not enough private donations from loved ones because they didn't want to lose me. I got a small victims of crime payout i thought to travel instead to a few last continents tick off my bucket list then get a cheap hitman in mexico, I figured how hard would it be there's plenty of gangsters about. That was a mistake. No-one wanted to touch me with a ten foot pole. I finally found someone after many weeks of daily hunting I went trawling their neighbourhood hangouts, bars, clubs and he ended up robbing me. I was careful about it, I said I prefer that he kill me first and the money would be stashed in my underwear. But he spent all night trying to break down my defenses over drinks, hanging out at my motel room, I was surprised he was willing to be seen with me. He even let me come back to his to get supplies. The plan was to take 4 grams heroin me swallow it then he shoot me in the head. As he was about go do it he said are you ready I said yes I'm exhausted you dragged the night out so long i was ready hours ago and he started crying giving me sob story I gave him the cash in my wallet watch mp3 player then he asked did I have coffee he was nervous then said he needed coffee and wait there he be right back. Needless to say he never came back. The next day I tried the heroin it was mixed with all my valiums and nothing happened. I flew to Italy for 2 weeks swearing I would jump off a hotel balcony, I rang everywhere not one single hotel had a vacancy over 8 floor or higher in that whole fortnight. I then read the peaceful pill handbook, I emailed them asking for a nembutal contact. I trusted the source. To my shock The courier demanded 300 euro fee, then in addition a 500 euro fee. The seller insisted i pay it when it wouldve been cheaper for them to just send me another one another courier. Then they said if I don't pay them 1500 euro they will report me to police. I had no money left. I wasted all my money on nothing. I complained on exit international facebook and this random guy on there said he got his nembutal. I waited til my next pay and went with his suppliers. The courier then demanded 600 euro refundable corona check refundable on delivery. i couldnt afford it so they paid it. Then they said it was delivered. My heart was in my chest. I ran downstairs only to find nothing. They then said it's not delivered actually it's at Portugal depot and they need a doctor's prescription. It was the weekend and my doctor wasn't even open the supplier said they could get me one for 250 euro I paid it but said that was the last thing I could afford. Then the supplier said they need 185 euro extra. I can't afford it and when I googled the courier it said it was a scam. It wouldve been easier if i just jumped off a cliff seriously. I have been to Mexico twice and to find out I Couldn't gotten nembutal there kills me, I just never heard of it then. Ppl tell me all these obstacles is God's way of saying he doesn't want me to die but if that was the case why if he making life so unlivable. I'm just going to have to keep trying other different and not so nice ways and that seems just cruel given the cards I've been dealt in life. Thanks for reading.
