Venting new oddly specific intrusive thought

[winamp]

instead of moving on and erasing things from my mind everytime I see something disgusting or something that makes me angry in relation to people and humanity or encounter someone disgusting I do not get normal violent visions and violent intrusive thoughts like I used to

I get random thoughts thinking that domestic terrorism or terrorism in general would be okay or that we need another serious traumatic event to happen in order to change people or I would even wish for stuff like that to happen

I am not capable of commiting such crimes and if I were I still wouldn't because I know that events like that do not change people that much I don't know

but they do scare me a bit because I am a non violent person and somewhat of a pacifist and would never think of hurting anyone even if they really disgust me and I do not think it's okay to wish bad thing on to people or to wish for bad things to happen because in my experience sometimes they just might happen every once in a while if you wish hard enough

I wanted to do research to see if other people have these but I didn't want to be put on a watchlist although I would never do those things so I just decided to vent about it here

I did not have any as of recent but they still baffle/bother me a bit since those things are the opposite of who I am as a person I cannot explain it

I don't know I am half awake so sorry for any typing or grammatical errors

 

[Angst Filled Fuck Up]

Intrusive thoughts are an integral part of OCD and they tend to zero in on the precise thing you'd never actually do. It's as if something delves deep into your mind and picks out whatever horrifies you the most. Then that specific thing becomes the intrusive thought.

It helped me to realize that, when my OCD was at its peak. I'd get these sickening thoughts that I'd never act on in a million years. They'd circulate in my mind non stop. They'd nauseate me and give me horrendous anxiety.

The true moment these thoughts lost their power over me was when I realized that it was just a mindfuck, designed to get me to feel that way. Once that fully clicked in my mind, I didn't feel that same level of horror and shame, and the whole intrusive thought thing just kind of fell flat.

We often feel like we're a monster because of these disgusting thoughts. But when you realize it's actually because you're a good, conscientious person that you're having them, it gives you back some control.

Hope you feel better.

 

[winamp]

The true moment these thoughts lost their power over me was when I realized that it was just a mindfuck, designed to get me to feel that way.

I try to remember that too and it does help but they do come back every once in a while but I still remind myself that they are just thoughts although they are not what I truly think or feel I try to think of them as spam emails or random pop-ups

I don't know if that makes any sense

It's as if something delves deep into your mind and picks out whatever horrifies you the most. Then that specific thing becomes the intrusive thought.

I find this interesting because my specific intrusive thought is something that I am not terrified of or think about often in terms of things I fear but I think it has to do with media consumption because in the 2000s and 2010s a lot of news covered things like my intrusive thought in graphic detail

but the things I do fear or find weird or disgusting or things I struggle with often lead to the intrusive thoughts although I am trying to work on my fears and acknowledge them I usually talk about them here every once in a while

 

[lylas]

I used to have thoughts like this a lot. I have for various reasons become less of a pacifist and more empathetic towards terrorists and such, but my fantasies are actually more tame now too. I think its best to be balanced and accepting that such desires are very human but obviously don't overindulge them.

 

[Forever Sleep]

The thoughts themselves have got to be disturbing but- the motive behind them is actually wholesome by the sounds of it. If I interpreted it correctly- you want some event to happen to bring people closer- make them kinder to one another- as major disasters tend to do.

As a thought experiement- I don't think it's all together bad. You're just longing for things to be better than they are. If everyone could change to be like that from eating an ice cream in the sun- I expect you'd go for that option. It's just you kind of know from experience that humans seem to need something to actually shake and threaten their own world in order for them to care.

I have a kind of similar weird logic thinking about WWII. My friends Nan was telling us how everyone was assessed according to their skills and given a job. People who did well were promoted. THAT (and really only that) aspect of it kind of appealed to me. I'm tired of having to look for work. I'm tired of all the rejections. I'm tired of not being able to use my skills to the fullest sometimes. So- THAT aspect of it appealed to me. Do I want the world to be at war in order to experience that? No! Of course not.

I guess what's frightening for you is having visions of it happening. Yeah- that's got to be disturbing. I don't really know how you stop that...

 

[Pluto]

Sometimes, extreme traumatic events actually do bring positive change. The biggest example of recent history is post-WWII Germany and Japan. Other times, such events give rise to endless cycles of violence. At a visceral level, a lot of violence is motivated by trying to exterminate something that is perceived to cause our suffering.

Similarly, some people who go through personal trauma can come out of it with new levels of compassion for the suffering of others, while others will go on to harm others. (And yes, there's a large grey area between the two. It's perfectly normal to feel violently enraged by seeing brutalisers getting away with murder.)

As @Angst Filled Fuck Up says, the key with intrusive thoughts - which even normies have - is that only some people 'buy into' them. If taken seriously, they can cause endless distress.

I theorise that it could be a combination of factors at play. When we've been mistreated, sometimes we try and explain it by saying we deserve the abuse because we're unworthy of love. This happens even at a subconscious level, since the explanation gives us a sense of control. Then, when we feel completely understandable rage over the injustice we have witnessed, the mind might bring it all together with a self-sabotaging tale about us being violent people.

Obviously, it helps a lot to have people around you to remind you of the reality. It's just the mind making worthless noise.

 

[Dot]

Info fr ppl wth intrusve thghts

Hve bn talkng 2 1 or 2 ppl recntly abt intrusve thghts & agn sme therpsts hve bn uslss Ths = sme infrmatn tht slf discvrd a whle ag/ tht helpd 2 xplain own intrusve thghts & rduce th/ shme arnd thghts tht wre s/ shmeful & jarrng Hpe = helpfl 2 sme1 els...

sanctioned-suicide.net

 

[winamp]

If I interpreted it correctly- you want some event to happen to bring people closer- make them kinder to one another- as major disasters tend to do.

yes, but also a desire for the people in society that I don't like to go away (pedophiles, various abusers, the lowest of the low, etc.) also it would make people think about the real issues everyone is ignoring these days and make improvements upon the issues maybe

I am not sure

THAT (and really only that) aspect of it kind of appealed to me. I'm tired of having to look for work. I'm tired of all the rejections. I'm tired of not being able to use my skills to the fullest sometimes. So- THAT aspect of it appealed to me. Do I want the world to be at war in order to experience that? No! Of course not.

I have never related to anything more

YoUrE OvErQuALiFieD

the job: includes and uses all of your skills capabilities and qualifications

*applies and gets into a job*

the job: you're definitely overqualified for this one and it doesn't even use most of your skills and capabilities but we want you anyway !