WholeHereafter
Member
- Jul 29, 2024
- 6
Hi there, I'm a new member and this is my first post/participation in any kind of online forum in general, let alone one with this topic, so please be kind as I adjust to the learning curve.
I'm in my mid 30s with multiple incurable progressive and debilitating chronic illnesses. I live in a state/country that does not allow assisted dying for non terminal illnesses. If I lived in Canada I would qualify for MAID, and would do so immediately, but unfortunately that's not an option.
I am living in poverty, on the verge of homelessness, and my quality of life is non existent. Due to my illnesses, I am now bed bound all day and can not take care of my basic needs.
It is likely my near future will consist of being put in a depressing government-run assisted living facility for the rest of my life. My family is abusive and unsupportive, and I have lost all of my friends from my old, active and healthy life. I have been relying on my partner for caregiving the last 4 years, but the trade off has been dealing with his domestic violence. If I upset him in any way or try to stand up for myself and ask for respect, he will leave for long periods of time, knowing my health will rapidly deteriorate and I am forced to apologize and be compliant with another cycle of abuse. This is only a small part of my story/situation, but essentially, I am in a place where I desperately want the option have a death with dignity before my life gets exponentially worse. This is the only safe place I have found on the internet where I might find people who support a person's right to die, and useful information about how I might go about that - hopefully quickly and peacefully.
As for method, I do not have access to firearms. I have an asphyxiation phobia, so I don't think I could go through with hanging. I have thought about overdosing myself to sleep while lying on a high speed train track at night, but when I read of the domino effect of trauma that causes so many people, I do not know if I would be able to do that either without extreme guilt. I experimented with overdosing on benzos and alcohol in the bathtub to see how painless it might be, but the burning sensation of breathing in any water was very painful, as well as triggered a survival reflex in my body. Again, this was an experiment, so I did not take enough to fully black out. Right now that is the only option I'm considering that seems remotely feasible with the resources I have if it comes down to it. To try again but with much more in my system. I have heard awful things about drowning though, and I am worried about the success rate. I was hoping there might be a more painless way to go and people here might be able to give me the run down on best options. I do have a VPN and I think a Tor browser, but I'm clueless about navigating the dark web if that has answers.
These are the medications I have access to currently:
-4,000mg of diazepam
-200mg of ambien
-70mg of tizanidine
-Plenty of zofran and reglan
-2,000mg of trazodone
And alcohol obviously. But I've heard it is basically impossible to successfully overdose this way.
Could someone please point me in the right direction with methods and even general info for a complete newbie?
Thank you so much...
I'm in my mid 30s with multiple incurable progressive and debilitating chronic illnesses. I live in a state/country that does not allow assisted dying for non terminal illnesses. If I lived in Canada I would qualify for MAID, and would do so immediately, but unfortunately that's not an option.
I am living in poverty, on the verge of homelessness, and my quality of life is non existent. Due to my illnesses, I am now bed bound all day and can not take care of my basic needs.
It is likely my near future will consist of being put in a depressing government-run assisted living facility for the rest of my life. My family is abusive and unsupportive, and I have lost all of my friends from my old, active and healthy life. I have been relying on my partner for caregiving the last 4 years, but the trade off has been dealing with his domestic violence. If I upset him in any way or try to stand up for myself and ask for respect, he will leave for long periods of time, knowing my health will rapidly deteriorate and I am forced to apologize and be compliant with another cycle of abuse. This is only a small part of my story/situation, but essentially, I am in a place where I desperately want the option have a death with dignity before my life gets exponentially worse. This is the only safe place I have found on the internet where I might find people who support a person's right to die, and useful information about how I might go about that - hopefully quickly and peacefully.
As for method, I do not have access to firearms. I have an asphyxiation phobia, so I don't think I could go through with hanging. I have thought about overdosing myself to sleep while lying on a high speed train track at night, but when I read of the domino effect of trauma that causes so many people, I do not know if I would be able to do that either without extreme guilt. I experimented with overdosing on benzos and alcohol in the bathtub to see how painless it might be, but the burning sensation of breathing in any water was very painful, as well as triggered a survival reflex in my body. Again, this was an experiment, so I did not take enough to fully black out. Right now that is the only option I'm considering that seems remotely feasible with the resources I have if it comes down to it. To try again but with much more in my system. I have heard awful things about drowning though, and I am worried about the success rate. I was hoping there might be a more painless way to go and people here might be able to give me the run down on best options. I do have a VPN and I think a Tor browser, but I'm clueless about navigating the dark web if that has answers.
These are the medications I have access to currently:
-4,000mg of diazepam
-200mg of ambien
-70mg of tizanidine
-Plenty of zofran and reglan
-2,000mg of trazodone
And alcohol obviously. But I've heard it is basically impossible to successfully overdose this way.
Could someone please point me in the right direction with methods and even general info for a complete newbie?
Thank you so much...
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