Venting New job, MH related, someone CTB-ed

[BaconCheeseburger]

The last thing I want to do is give out any details about myself/where I work, but I need to just vent about something that's happened in the first week of my new job.

I've just started working in an environment which deals with clients who require support with mental health issues. I'm not a psychologist or trained in any way, so I'm more just 'general help'. In the next few weeks or so we're likely to have an increase in our service because someone in the immediate vicinity of our service has CTB (we found out yesterday), so now presumably all of his friends/classmates/housemates are going to want support on how to cope with this.

I was only a couple of days into the job and got two calls from different people relating to this guy's death, asking what the service could provide to them. Being honest I wasn't even 100% sure what our procedures/policies are, and that's reasonable given I have no training in this sort of area - I'm just there to take phone calls and book appointments. It was upsetting though listening to people who are obviously upset by this and I didn't really know what was best to say.

It hits you how big suicide is, as well. This one guy's death has affected his university department, his classmates, his housemates, their families who are now concerned for them. If/when I die (which I can't imagine being any time soon) I want to go as quietly as possible, but I doubt that would happen. I'm not a student anymore, but when I was I felt pretty ignored and isolated by my peers. This guy was described to me as 'well-liked'. If I was well-liked, would people make a fuss of me?

I don't really know for sure, but maybe I'm jealous of this guy? He's managed something I've wanted for years. Sometimes people get 'lucky'. I haven't as of yet, but I don't think I'm trying hard enough.

Does anyone else work in environments where this kind of thing can pop up in situations? I've been wondering if this kind of thing would bother me the longer I work there, but given it's only week one and I'm not directly involved (I'm not a psychologist or any kind of medical professional) maybe I'll not be exposed to it as much. Or maybe students won't kill themselves this frequently and it's just bad luck during my first week.

 

[TiredHorse]

Whew. You've gotten a perspective most of us won't ever get. It's worth considering, too.

I don't work in any situation where a comparable experience is even remotely likely. A close friend is getting his masters in therapy, and as part of that process does a weekly shift on the suicide hotline. He has taken several calls from people considering CTB, or in the process of, and has had to alert the ambulance to several of them (school policy; he doesn't like it, but he has to follow it). My sense is that each of those calls remains unique in his mind, but that as the river of time moves on he is able to focus on them less, and as he is in classes he has the ability to direct his focus elsewhere. If that was all he was doing, however, I think he'd have a hard time.

 

[Onomotopoeia]

The younger you are the more tragic your death is. So someone who is young enough to have classmates will always be "well-liked" after they pass. When I was younger i had several friends CTB.

What struck me (and stuck with me) was how inconsistent most people are. I found some amusement when my "well-liked" friends had an outpouring much grander than anyone who knew them would really expect. My point is really just that the younger you are the more sensationalized your death will be and most people dont go oh well he was an asshole sucks that he's dead though. So yea people's opinion of you change after you die, intentional or not.

I used to work for a mobile mental health team (i was not clinical). I was much younger back then, in better mental health myself, and most calls where younger people. Often in fact it was calls from parents about their underage kids.

I have some memory issues so i'm a bit fuzzy on how long I was there but I felt like it was a little bit maybe a year. There was 2 suicides during that time that correlated to prior calls. It was 2 people I had met, talked to, but did not really know. If I had to guess I would say they were actually well liked, I liked them and I spoke to them in a vulnerable state. Again my memory is a bit fuzzy about the timelines but I quit shortly after the second one.

I remember it affecting me more than I felt it should for people I did not know. I understand at least a little bit better why everyone becomes well-liked after suicide. I'm much older now and I do not know how often suicides happen in any given area but from middle school to high school I personally knew of 7 (not counting these 2) and most people I mentioned it to seem to think that is a high number.

I cant answer how it might affect you or if it might get easier for you. It did not for me but I was always pretty quick to give up. If I had to place a guess though I would probably say that it "getting easier" is probably a sign of losing empathy and imo empathy makes you a better human. Good luck