O
ollyoxenfree24
Member
- Jul 6, 2021
- 11
I found this place about 6 months ago and reading everyone's posts has made me finally not feel alone in my suicidal thoughts. I have chronic pain and I am exhausted from existing. The only thing keeping me from ctb are my cats and my mom because it would destroy her. I have constant paranoia and anxiety about everything lately and I just don't know how much longer I can keep going. I can barely eat, sleep, or do anything because my brain is overloaded with horrible thoughts. I just want it to stop but it never does. I have tried partial a few times and was almost successful once but when I started to black out SI took over. I haven't been able to get it right since and now I'm just too depressed to even try again. I can't find joy in anything anymore and can't even watch TV or listen to music because my brain won't shut up and my heart just never stops racing. I know ctb is my only way out of this pain of living so I hate that I can't do it yet.