New here, failed attempt last night

[shortbloom]

Hi everyone,

Just joined the forum hoping to vent to some people who'd understand where I'm coming from.

I failed a partial suspension CTB attempt last night, had my hotel room booked and all my letters written and everything. I even left a note for the housekeeper warning that there would be a body inside the bedroom and to call the authorities. But I couldn't get to the point where I'd pass out and instead just gave myself a bad headache before giving up. I've researched a lot about how to set up the knot and place things for a painless exit, but ultimately I think I might not be able to overcome my SI to use partial as my CTB strategy - it's too painful.

I've tried and failed several times before, but I've never been as committed as I was to this attempt. I'd been counting on this method as a surefire CTB method for so long. Everything else seems risky/not failsafe/unpleasant to go through. I really wasn't expecting to live through this upcoming work week, which will be stressful and awful. Now I have no choice, and I feel hopeless and trapped.

I guess I'll wait until I get desperate enough to risk a different method and am more willing to go through the pain. It just seems like to so much suffering, either to end things or to keep going. :(

 

[SinisterKid]

Hi and welcome to SS. There are lots of resources threads to look at and the wiki and megathreads. Maybe you will find something more suitable in there somewhere.

I managed to die 3 yrs ago but someone resuscitated me until paramedics arrived and took me to the local ICU where I spent a week in a coma. I know the shock that gives the system and I can certainly empathise with you and how you must be feeling right now. I am still here, despite a few close shaves. I have a new method in place now and feel I have some control again.

Sometimes, its just not our time to leave and we miss the bus.

 

[Partial-Elf]

Hi everyone,

Just joined the forum hoping to vent to some people who'd understand where I'm coming from.

I failed a partial suspension CTB attempt last night, had my hotel room booked and all my letters written and everything. I even left a note for the housekeeper warning that there would be a body inside the bedroom and to call the authorities. But I couldn't get to the point where I'd pass out and instead just gave myself a bad headache before giving up. I've researched a lot about how to set up the knot and place things for a painless exit, but ultimately I think I might not be able to overcome my SI to use partial as my CTB strategy - it's too painful.

I've tried and failed several times before, but I've never been as committed as I was to this attempt. I'd been counting on this method as a surefire CTB method for so long. Everything else seems risky/not failsafe/unpleasant to go through. I really wasn't expecting to live through this upcoming work week, which will be stressful and awful. Now I have no choice, and I feel hopeless and trapped.

I guess I'll wait until I get desperate enough to risk a different method and am more willing to go through the pain. It just seems like to so much suffering, either to end things or to keep going. :(

Sorry to hear your story. To be so emotionally prepared and then frustrated in that way must be a terrible feeling. Your plan is exactly what mine is, down to the hotel room, the note to staff, and partial. I can also kind of relate in that I've been successful with partial in the past but struggling to find the sweet spot over the past week or so. Things are much scarier when you don't have a failsafe method of offing yourself

 

[Codieb1]

Hanging truly isn't as easy as the media makes it out to be.

 

[Dawn0071111]

Hi. I totally get it. I had a failed Gas Generator attempt at the lowest point of my depression & yeah, sometimes its awful to live through it. I mailed my letters tho, was so sure I was going to die... lol. Yeah, its truly awful. Im so sorry hun.

 

[Jon86]

Been there, quit work, maxed out my credit line and then failed partial hanging. Ended up bankrupt and have never been able to secure a decent job since......that was 8 years ago, my life's been a series of failures since but i'm still fucking here, ridiculous. I carry too much guilt when I attempt, also i'm too accustomed to this life of failure now that it doesn't bother me as much as it should, i'm numb, comatose at this point.