Discussion New here, considering ctb as I just cannot accept the physical changes of my body and getting older as an acceptable quality of life any longer.

[onelastride]

What are your thoughts on this? Is this a valid reason to end one's suffering? I've suffered extensive damage to nearly all of my joints and am about 95% positive I have a defective gene that runs in my bloodline with our cartilage breaking down prematurely, as most of my body is arthritic already. I just don't see any quality of life in this, or any reason to continue on, as it just continues to gradually get worse and worse, year after year.

 

[casctb]

I don't believe in invalidating anyone's reason to ctb. Your situation is something I do not envy experiencing and the decision is difficult to make. I already do not view life worth living even when perfectly healthy so I cannot imagine what you are going through. Either way you choose I believe your choice is valid.
Best wishes

 

[Paralyzed boy]

Everyone has their reasons but I think you need to evaluate how badly is it effecting your quality of life? is it just discomfort? Is it so bad and so progressive that you've lost the ability to hold down a job? has it stopped you from being able to even live daily life such as even walking to the door? I think these are all thinks you need to consider.

Also I can relate somewhat due to suffering from a life changing disability that will eventually has stop me from even being able to work even desk jobs. I think at the end of the day you'll know what quailty of life is acceptable as long as if give it a fair chance. As my injury progress for example; I went from having to accept I may never lift weights again all the way to the point where my arms stopped working and I had to be spoon fed by my person for a temporary point in time due to pain. I think everyone has their limits in what makes a tolerable life, just take deep time and evaluate it. Maybe you'll find other reasons to live or cope that are even beyond you (friends, family or signicant other) because at the end of the day we only have one life

 

[onelastride]

I don't believe in invalidating anyone's reason to ctb. Your situation is something I do not envy experiencing and the decision is difficult to make. I already do not view life worth living even when perfectly healthy so I cannot imagine what you are going through. Either way you choose I believe your choice is valid.
Best wishes

Thank you for that comforting and thought given response. I have thought about it and accessed where I'm at and how I feel about the pain and degradation of my body for a very long time now. Paralyzed boy's response really puts things into perspective, I guess it's just very exclusive and personal to how one person perceives quality of life, what is acceptable and what is not. I'm also really upset about how it robbed so much of my life and what were supposed to be my "best" years, my 20's. I'm almost 27 now and realizing that this is probably just going to be how it is for the rest of my life, which really has me on the fence of whether or not ctb is the appropriate solution.

 

[onelastride]

For now I've decided that I'm just going to continue to fight and push as hard as I can, and research how to reverse things like this in biomedicine. I'm also suffering from some past trauma that leaves me feeling so trapped and dissociated from humanity at times. I want to go into neuroscience as well, and literally acquire the power to isolate and erase acute psychological trauma, or literally transplant the belief system from another person's mind that they are secure and everything is okay with humanity and how they view the world, back into the sufferer's mind, while still retaining their personality so they'd be right back to the way they felt before, before the trauma happened that shifted or distorted their psyche.

 

[heraclitus]

Same here - I don't want to be a physical, mental or emotional burden on anyone. Or to spend every day with less of a future to live for.

 

[VIBRITANNIA]

"validity" is a subjective thing. at the end of the day, it's your life and your pain, so nobody else has a right to tell you whether or not your reason is valid.

 

[Ghost2211]

Only you can know if your life is worth living, as only you will be the one to live it. 27 is such a young age to already begin deteriorating. I can see why it is emotionally defeating to be in such a state at the age society tells you is your prime.

It's nice to hear you're taking the time to research and emotionally plan and prepare for whatever you choose.

 

[xkidx]

you should try the wim hof method maybe if u want, its helped a lot of people with very bad arthritis that cant move well from it to not have pain anymore ive heard

 

[Deleted member 18655]

It's hard to generalise. There are stories of people who overcome horrendous odds and lead happy productive lives. I'm not one of those people. I think it requires a mental state to see past the physical limitations rather than a body that works, so to speak. I have (very very mild) MS. If it progresses to a state of immobility and incontinence and all of the other horrid things that can come with it, I won't be strong enough to want to live. I see people who can and I'm convinced that it takes wiring in the brain that I just wasn't born with.

@onelastride How were you, emotionally, before the physical symptoms began to present?

 

[onelastride]

It's hard to generalise. There are stories of people who overcome horrendous odds and lead happy productive lives. I'm not one of those people. I think it requires a mental state to see past the physical limitations rather than a body that works, so to speak. I have (very very mild) MS. If it progresses to a state of immobility and incontinence and all of the other horrid things that can come with it, I won't be strong enough to want to live. I see people who can and I'm convinced that it takes wiring in the brain that I just wasn't born with.

@onelastride How were you, emotionally, before the physical symptoms began to present?

I agree completely, 100%. It has completely changed my outlook on life and consumed most, if not all the confidence I once had, especially when it comes to the drive to overcome something like this. Each and every day I just feel more and more buried with it, like it would be impossible to reach a point where I would feel confident that I'm living an enjoyable quality of life again, at least to my own personal standard (very stubbornly high). I'd say that I'm genetically one of those people that do not possess that type of wiring myself. The ability to just ignore pain and convince yourself that you're somehow going to overcome it. I'm not very good at lying to myself, nor enjoy living one. Omg emotionally and mentally before all this injury and degeneration happened, I was myself, and I've suffered so many negative beliefs and mental health issues, and developed all these weird social phobias/awarenesses I never cared about or realized before even, as a result of my physical deterioration. I have no idea who this person is anymore, through and through. I just feel like an empty shell of my former self, aimlessly wandering through life now, and it kills me inside.

you should try the wim hof method maybe if u want, its helped a lot of people with very bad arthritis that cant move well from it to not have pain anymore ive heard

I'll have to look into that! I'm all for acquiring any ammo I can, to have a fighting chance again!

"validity" is a subjective thing. at the end of the day, it's your life and your pain, so nobody else has a right to tell you whether or not your reason is valid.

Very true.