Shakespeare&Company
Member
- Jun 9, 2024
- 11
Hi everyone,
I'm new to this website. Definitely feel weird about the people who watch other people die via Skype etc, don't love the people who seemingly "push" people to suicide who are not fully convinced, attempt to convince others it's inevitable, or post about possessing CP and then the several messages of support following afterwards, though I digress. I do, however, understand a safe space needs to exist for people to discuss suicide with anonymity, and that weird people will obviously join no matter what measures are put in place. I have also seen a lot of beautiful moments in this community where strangers come together to comfort and relate to one another; I've cried while reading many stories and goodbye posts.
I am drawn to this website because I have been depressed for as long as I can remember. I am in my mid-twenties, and I attempted suicide once while in high school by taking many, many pills and drinking a lot of whisky before promptly getting into bed. I woke up covered in puke and felt like my stomach was rotting for days. I came extremely close to suicide 2 years ago, and if I had easier means of doing it I probably would have carried through with it. I've been on anti-depressants since I was 15 years old and I have done years of therapy beginning in childhood.
I am finally about to finish my undergraduate degree (that was supposed to take 4 years but took 6 lmfao) and I only have 3 papers left and then I can graduate, but I am finding it so hard to get the motivation. They were due in April, and I received extensions until the end of this month and STILL have not started them. They are very lengthy papers, and one is a very important literature review on my research area (I study psychology) that is important for the master's program I applied to. YET I cannot get started on it.
If I do not have my education, I have nothing. If I do not get into this master program I see no other option other than suicide. I NEED it. My academic transcript is literally like 90, 60, 30 90, 80 etc. It is reflective of when I'm doing well mentally and when I'm not. I had to get special permission to apply; it is not like I can simply apply to multiple other schools to better my chances of admission. I only have this ONE chance.
I would rather die than not get into graduate school and get a good job. I cannot fathom the thought of existing without it. I know if i get denied admission i will go into a depression lower than one i have ever experienced before. I am also going through a breakup after 6 years because I had to leave my ex-boyfriend who is an abusive alcoholic.
Thanks for letting me vent,
M
I'm new to this website. Definitely feel weird about the people who watch other people die via Skype etc, don't love the people who seemingly "push" people to suicide who are not fully convinced, attempt to convince others it's inevitable, or post about possessing CP and then the several messages of support following afterwards, though I digress. I do, however, understand a safe space needs to exist for people to discuss suicide with anonymity, and that weird people will obviously join no matter what measures are put in place. I have also seen a lot of beautiful moments in this community where strangers come together to comfort and relate to one another; I've cried while reading many stories and goodbye posts.
I am drawn to this website because I have been depressed for as long as I can remember. I am in my mid-twenties, and I attempted suicide once while in high school by taking many, many pills and drinking a lot of whisky before promptly getting into bed. I woke up covered in puke and felt like my stomach was rotting for days. I came extremely close to suicide 2 years ago, and if I had easier means of doing it I probably would have carried through with it. I've been on anti-depressants since I was 15 years old and I have done years of therapy beginning in childhood.
I am finally about to finish my undergraduate degree (that was supposed to take 4 years but took 6 lmfao) and I only have 3 papers left and then I can graduate, but I am finding it so hard to get the motivation. They were due in April, and I received extensions until the end of this month and STILL have not started them. They are very lengthy papers, and one is a very important literature review on my research area (I study psychology) that is important for the master's program I applied to. YET I cannot get started on it.
If I do not have my education, I have nothing. If I do not get into this master program I see no other option other than suicide. I NEED it. My academic transcript is literally like 90, 60, 30 90, 80 etc. It is reflective of when I'm doing well mentally and when I'm not. I had to get special permission to apply; it is not like I can simply apply to multiple other schools to better my chances of admission. I only have this ONE chance.
I would rather die than not get into graduate school and get a good job. I cannot fathom the thought of existing without it. I know if i get denied admission i will go into a depression lower than one i have ever experienced before. I am also going through a breakup after 6 years because I had to leave my ex-boyfriend who is an abusive alcoholic.
Thanks for letting me vent,
M
