I've been looking at the posts, and finding comfort and community for a while.
I'm an incredibly shy person even on a chat forum!
I'm in the UK, 55, and just feel really done. I've reached out to GPs, community mental health and crisis teams. But it's felt like increasing medication, disablement from that and my broken spirit. I do leave the house but it feels like I'm fixed here, if that makes sense.
I've had various collapses in depression / anxiety / spirit during my adult life (although I think I was struggling as a child too but I was a gifted sports person and school work suited me) but this one feels shattering. I've got anehdonia - even going out walking in very solitary hills feels overwhelming.
I managed to get a job back in the organisation I unwisely left in Sept 2022, which started in November just gone. I hadn't worked since Dec 2022 and I just couldn't cope, and knew that I wouldn't.
I have an incredibly nice partner but we haven't grown together and we've drifted. I guess looking at this I've never quite got life and have not learnt that I should be a bit ruthless to keep myself happy. I've seen that in others and not liked it.
I used to enjoy sports, walking in the sticks, cinema, meditation.
I am feeling desperate most of the time, which seems almost impossible. I've looked at partial hanging and made some trials. At the moment, I spend days wasting away at home and then enjoying the night coming, and then round again. I listen a lot to NDE stories and possibilities of an afterlife. Probably like many folk on here, I am scared about what happens after we ctb.
That's me I guess.
I'm an incredibly shy person even on a chat forum!
I'm in the UK, 55, and just feel really done. I've reached out to GPs, community mental health and crisis teams. But it's felt like increasing medication, disablement from that and my broken spirit. I do leave the house but it feels like I'm fixed here, if that makes sense.
I've had various collapses in depression / anxiety / spirit during my adult life (although I think I was struggling as a child too but I was a gifted sports person and school work suited me) but this one feels shattering. I've got anehdonia - even going out walking in very solitary hills feels overwhelming.
I managed to get a job back in the organisation I unwisely left in Sept 2022, which started in November just gone. I hadn't worked since Dec 2022 and I just couldn't cope, and knew that I wouldn't.
I have an incredibly nice partner but we haven't grown together and we've drifted. I guess looking at this I've never quite got life and have not learnt that I should be a bit ruthless to keep myself happy. I've seen that in others and not liked it.
I used to enjoy sports, walking in the sticks, cinema, meditation.
I am feeling desperate most of the time, which seems almost impossible. I've looked at partial hanging and made some trials. At the moment, I spend days wasting away at home and then enjoying the night coming, and then round again. I listen a lot to NDE stories and possibilities of an afterlife. Probably like many folk on here, I am scared about what happens after we ctb.
That's me I guess.
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I'm pretty shy too but the majority of people here are really kind and empathetic c: Welcome to Sasu, I hope you'll find comfort in being here!
