Venting Never got the chance to be myself and feel my emotions in middle school and HS couldn’t feel the anger instead I cried it out at night

[Journeytoletgo]

At middle school and high school I was attacked and then I was bullied subtly at home into submission for my looks and distant relatives I remember them being subtle "yeah it's rare to see Renee look this good" etc . They were subtle "you're more laid back" and "did you loose your virginity yet?"

Didn't help that my family was pretty big and I was always around them so the subconscious programming during the time as well as bullying at school made it hard for me to develop for myself. Somewhere I'm there. My eye movements during the time I tried to avoid looking at people because of this which made me awkward because I also didn't like my acne.

 

[hamvil]

I was seriously broke during my childhood by constant verbal and physical abuse at home. I never learn how to interact with other people because the only thing my father told was not to trust other people and that everybody has some second agenda. When somebody would do something good to me he would always came up with an excuse for that, like he did that good thing because he wanted something. I grow up with this idea in my mind and even now I see myself acting in that way. This and my social anxiety did not allow me to build stable relationship as well. I was never allowed to cry or to show emotions, the general answer to me showing any of them was beating from my mother and shouts from my father. I thus learned not to show emotions to anybody until the the world crashed on me a few years ago. Now I am here looking for my way out.