Never got my chance

[brokeandbroken]

This is my story -> https://sanctioned-suicide.net/threads/advice.130452/

It's a brutal realization your life is over at 29. I cannot get hired anywhere despite working my ass off and being in medical school. I'm literally going to be homeless the rest of my life or work menial jobs that I am ridiculously over qualified to do and get paid shit wages wherein everything will go to the loans. I was the victim of fucking crimes and no one gave a shit. I didn't make a mistake or do anything wrong. I was just a victim and society just told me to go kill myself basically. No help nothing. Just people telling me I am shitty person for no goddamn reason. Where's my justice? Why have I been thrown away by society. I didn't do anything wrong. I was trying to take away people's cancer for God's sake. Forget second chances I never got my first.

 

[soonatpeace777888]

Yeah in my 20s I could deal with shit because it felt nice just to be alive. At 30 it's like living in a show that's jumped the shark and passed it's prime. Things are the same but you are older, uglier and only going to get old and uglier as time goes on.

 

[brokeandbroken]

Yeah in my 20s I could deal with shit because it felt nice just to be alive. At 30 it's like living in a show that's jumped the shark and passed it's prime. Things are the same but you are older, uglier and only going to get old and uglier as time goes on.

Like my life is ruined and no one gives a fuck. I can't go back to school for anything worthwhile because I cant get loans. Justice that will never happen not because there isn't proof of a crime but because I'm just not someone people give a shit about. Even my own mother doesn't love me.... job? Ha no. Maybe as a cashier making minimum wage for the rest of my life the same shit I literally had in high-school. 10+ years more education including medical school and society just said fuck you. But oh guess what you'll still need to pay all those loans so you starve to death. Loans to the government that won't defend me, fight for me, or do anything for me. You'll see people commit heinous crimes and get second chances. I had my first *stolen* for me. No more opportunities just death. I'm not sure I'm suicidal as much as a death by a thousand cuts. People need something to live for and I literally have nothing, no one, or nothing....

Least I can die with a smile on my face knowing I did everything I could do and society killed me. My bloods on the world's hands not mine.

 

[soonatpeace777888]

Like my life is ruined and no one gives a fuck. I can't go back to school for anything worthwhile because I cant get loans. Justice that will never happen not because there isn't proof of a crime but because I'm just not someone people give a shit about. Even my own mother doesn't love me.... job? Ha no. Maybe as a cashier making minimum wage for the rest of my life the same shit I literally had in high-school. 10+ years more education including medical school and society just said fuck you. But oh guess what you'll still need to pay all those loans so you starve to death. Loans to the government that won't defend me, fight for me, or do anything for me. You'll see people commit heinous crimes and get second chances. I had my first *stolen* for me. No more opportunities just death. I'm not sure I'm suicidal as much as a death by a thousand cuts. People need something to live for and I literally have nothing, no one, or nothing....

Least I can die with a smile on my face knowing I did everything I could do and society killed me.

Are you still in Poland?

 

[Meteora]

I was just a victim and society just told me to go kill myself basically. No help nothing. Just people telling me I am shitty person for no goddamn reason. Where's my justice? Why have I been thrown away by society. I didn't do anything wrong.

Could be my words. I ecperience the same. People like to judge and blame... no matter what the consequences are.
Going trought the traima is one thing. Not getting help after seems even worse to me.

 

[brokeandbroken]

Could be my words. I ecperience the same. People like to judge and blame... no matter what the consequences are.
Going trought the traima is one thing. Not getting help after seems even worse to me.

I'm sorry to hear that. I hope you get help.

Even if I wanted to I'm not sure I could survive. I swear the US government went we could do something... Or we could me a pseudo slave. I watched Brittany Griner get traded for the Merchant of Death while the US is giving billions in war against his country. Yet the US embassy wouldn't even meet with me. I could understand if I was in and out of prison my whole life. Then finally asked for help... All I did my whole life is work. Ive never even had a speeding ticket. Then poof gone. No help. Nothing! I literally went from med student to homeless in a year.

What should I expect. This is the same country that sees vets abandoned in the streets. It only helps the rich. Their answer is reminiscent of France in the 1800s... "Get rich!"

 

[FuneralCry]

That really is so horrible, it disgusts me how people suffer so much in this dreadful world all through no fault of their own. Humans certainly are the worst species to me.

 

[brokeandbroken]

That really is so horrible, it disgusts me how people suffer so much in this dreadful world all through no fault of their own. Humans certainly are the worst species to me.

Thank you for your kind words.

 

[dialogos]

What was your pre-med course? I imagine it would qualify you to work as college professor or work in bioscience, bioindustry, medical sales, medical insurance etc and you're right you'll be overqualified but It means you do better than menial. Those other fields will grab med undergrads like you and the pay many times better than menial. I know someone like you a med undergrad. He was devastated coz the money dried up before his last year. He had to work as a med rep. His company however, rewarded him with promotions and after 3 years of his excellent work (coz docs trusted him like a fellow doc & wanted to help him), finally offered him an interest free loan to complete his med degree, on the condition he exclusively promote their products to his patients/affliates for 30 years. Of course I'm not saying this will happen to you. My friend was very lucky. I'm just saddened he died two years ago coz of liver and kidney.
problems. If he didn't die, I think he wouldn't helped me with my problems now

 

[brokeandbroken]

What was your pre-med course? I imagine it would qualify you to work as college professor or work in bioscience, bioindustry, medical sales, medical insurance etc and you're right you'll be overqualified but It means you do better than menial. Those other fields will grab med undergrads like you and the pay many times better than menial. I know someone like you a med undergrad. He was devastated coz the money dried up before his last year. He had to work as a med rep. His company however, rewarded him with promotions and after 3 years of his excellent work (coz docs trusted him like a fellow doc & wanted to help him), finally offered him an interest free loan to complete his med degree, on the condition he exclusively promote their products to his patients/affliates for 30 years. Of course I'm not saying this will happen to you. My friend was very lucky. I'm just saddened he died two years ago coz of liver and kidney.
problems. If he didn't die, I think he wouldn't helped me with my problems now

Yeah I wouldn't mind doing something like that. Unfortunately, I can't get interviews for those jobs. Potentially because I was psychology pre-med. That I imagine has a little to do with it. That said I *was* in medical school... Also... Isn't that kind of illegal?

 

[Pidgeons_Sparrows]

Like my life is ruined and no one gives a fuck. I can't go back to school for anything worthwhile because I cant get loans. Justice that will never happen not because there isn't proof of a crime but because I'm just not someone people give a shit about. Even my own mother doesn't love me.... job? Ha no. Maybe as a cashier making minimum wage for the rest of my life the same shit I literally had in high-school. 10+ years more education including medical school and society just said fuck you. But oh guess what you'll still need to pay all those loans so you starve to death. Loans to the government that won't defend me, fight for me, or do anything for me. You'll see people commit heinous crimes and get second chances. I had my first *stolen* for me. No more opportunities just death. I'm not sure I'm suicidal as much as a death by a thousand cuts. People need something to live for and I literally have nothing, no one, or nothing....

Least I can die with a smile on my face knowing I did everything I could do and society killed me. My bloods on the world's hands not mine.

Im sorry the world has let you down so much ): its an unfair and cruel place for most people.

 

[dialogos]

Yeah I wouldn't mind doing something like that. Unfortunately, I can't get interviews for those jobs. Potentially because I was psychology pre-med. That I imagine has a little to do with it. That said I *was* in medical school... Also... Isn't that kind of illegal?

In my country, sponsorship with strings are allowed. Also we have generic meds law which means, docs have to prescribe generic equivalents to the brands they recommend in the prescription. Its just a referral not forced on the patients. If you're a psychology grad plus all those years of med proper, you got good paying options like what I mentioned are examples. No menial for you Sir!

 

[brokeandbroken]

Im sorry the world has let you down so much ): its an unfair and cruel place for most people.

It honestly is. I spent my life trying to be a doctor and heal yet I am treated like trash. In my state if you go to prison you can get a free education and job placement upon release.... Meanwhile I have to pay for my education and I cannot get a job. I was an upstanding citizen president of the oncology research group in medical school.... Victim of crime(s) by the medical school 0 people give a shit about. Literally, everyone just went he's a nerdy white boy who the fuck cares? Let him be homeless. Someone for society to laugh at. I somehow am seen by society as worse then child molesters... Let that sink in...

In my country, sponsorship with strings are allowed. Also we have generic meds law which means, docs have to prescribe generic equivalents to the brands they recommend in the prescription. Its just a referral not forced on the patients. If you're a psychology grad plus all those years of med proper, you got good paying options like what I mentioned are examples. No menial for you Sir!

That sounds unethical? Unfortunately I wish it worked that way. I have applied to 300+ jobs in numerous fields... Can't get interviews. Most aren't good jobs either. Shit jobs. Like cashier at Aldi. Jobs making less than 45k a year. The only job interview I got was a menial job making medical equipment on a contract for shit money during the middle of the night. Think IKEA furniture type of thing. So unfortunately, because no one gives a shit about me and no one cares what I have done with my life. The only jobs available to me (maybe, at this point unlikely I will get one) are menial jobs where all my money will be given to pay for loans. Loans to the government who doesn't give a rats ass about helping me.

 

[dialogos]

It honestly is. I spent my life trying to be a doctor and heal yet I am treated like trash. In my state if you go to prison you can get a free education and job placement upon release.... Meanwhile I have to pay for my education and I cannot get a job. I was an upstanding citizen president of the oncology research group in medical school.... Victim of crime(s) by the medical school 0 people give a shit about. Literally, everyone just went he's a nerdy white boy who the fuck cares? Let him be homeless. Someone for society to laugh at. I somehow am seen by society as worse then child molesters... Let that sink in...

That sounds unethical? Unfortunately I wish it worked that way. I have applied to 300+ jobs in numerous fields... Can't get interviews. Most aren't good jobs either. Shit jobs. Like cashier at Aldi. Jobs making less than 45k a year. The only job interview I got was a menial job making medical equipment on a contract for shit money during the middle of the night. Think IKEA furniture type of thing. So unfortunately, because no one gives a shit about me and no one cares what I have done with my life. The only jobs available to me (maybe, at this point unlikely I will get one) are menial jobs where all my money will be given to pay for loans. Loans to the government who doesn't give a rats ass about helping me.

I'm sorry to hear that...its really strange. Its possible they think you're overqualified and in their experience, employees like you become unhappy so they don't stay long. Even as a medrep or work at a veterinarian clinic, (though being in pharma sales makes more money) have you looked?

 

[brokeandbroken]

I'm sorry to hear that...its really strange. Its possible they think you're overqualified and in their experience, employees like you become unhappy so they don't stay long. Even as a medrep or work at a veterinarian clinic, (though being in pharma sales makes more money) have you looked?

I started applying to those jobs and worked my way down.... Simply put I have been abandoned and left to rot by society.

 

[dialogos]

I have to leave soon, I'll be gone for a while. Through its raining hard I may have to postpone since I use a motorbike.. If you're applying online, a lot of those jobs have been filled up and they don't even bother to say those are not available anymore or even reply. Have you tried Facebook marketplace? Also are there spots open at the uni where you took psychology? Even as research assistant

 

[Stormy Raine]

I want to personally say I'm sorry for everything and everyone who have wronged you Take a deep breath and let that hurt out, it's only consuming you! If I tell you I understand, trust me I understand. This is what I suggest, call your loan companies in the morning and ask for your loans to be put on hold immediately because you're going through a hardship, they will say yes! Now listen, honesty isn't always the best policy it's obvious you're in survival mode so the least they know the better, tell them you're homeless and living in your car or whatever it takes to pause those loans. I just solved 1st problem for you
I understand you have been wronged and I'm not taking that from you, we all have in some sort of way but what makes a difference is your will to get back up and fight! The path to success isn't always easy and our path maybe more difficult than others, but believe me when I say this-you still can have that beautiful ending but you going to have to work very hard to get there, it's possible. I'm a victim too but I won't give up, I worked too hard. I'm sure you know Maslows Hierarchy of needs, can I ask are your basic needs fulfilled? If it's personal it's ok to say that, I'm only here to help

 

[brokeandbroken]

I have to leave soon, I'll be gone for a while. Through its raining hard I may have to postpone since I use a motorbike.. If you're applying online, a lot of those jobs have been filled up and they don't even bother to say those are not available anymore or even reply. Have you tried Facebook marketplace? Also are there spots open at the uni where you took psychology? Even as research assistant

I mean it's possible I have been using indeed and ziprecruiter usually sorting by "new". No I haven't on both fronts though as far a research assistant is concerned you have to be a graduate student....

I want to personally say I'm sorry for everything and everyone who have wronged you Take a deep breath and let that hurt out, it's only consuming you! If I tell you I understand, trust me I understand. This is what I suggest, call your loan companies in the morning and ask for your loans to be put on hold immediately because you're going through a hardship, they will say yes! Now listen, honesty isn't always the best policy it's obvious you're in survival mode so the least they know the better, tell them you're homeless and living in your car or whatever it takes to pause those loans. I just solved 1st problem for you
I understand you have been wronged and I'm not taking that from you, we all have in some sort of way but what makes a difference is your will to get back up and fight! The path to success isn't always easy and our path maybe more difficult than others, but believe me when I say this-you still can have that beautiful ending but you going to have to work very hard to get there, it's possible. I'm a victim too but I won't give up, I worked too hard. I'm sure you know Maslows Hierarchy of needs, can I ask are your basic needs fulfilled? If it's personal it's ok to say that, I'm only here to help

There is nothing else to be consumed by. There is no hope.... I have reached out to sallie mae and the department of education.... Neither care. I mean come on the same government when I asked for help and gave me a giant "fuck you" isn't likely going to cut me a break on the loans... I am literally homeless? Hell I have even applied for government jobs. There is nothing I can do. Society has told me we don't want you.

For now a month and a half from now not so sure. When winter comes? Doubtful good chance I am out on the streets looking for a cozy cardboard box.... It gets cold in Minnesota.... Exactly how? And I have fucking worked hard? I had it literally *stolen* from me? No one gave a shit. I could be fucking raped and murdered today and no one would bat an eyelash. Probably applaud whoever did it. The embassy would probably send them a damn bottle of champagne to celebrate. I can't get employed, I can't go to school, what exactly am I supposed to do? My beautiful ending is death.

 

[Stormy Raine]

I'm sorry you have to carry all of this and feel like this. Nobody should have to ever feel so alone! I came here initially for mostly the same reasons and I definitely understand and we have so much in common it's crazy! I'll say this, I know you can't see a positive light out of this and I know it's rough right now but I'm here if you ever want to talk. I was suggesting contacting your loan company because yes it's a business and they don't care about either of us but they have policies in place that I think you should use. If it's 1 less stressor to worry about then I was trying to help.

 

[brokeandbroken]

I'm sorry you have to carry all of this and feel like this. Nobody should have to ever feel so alone! I came here initially for mostly the same reasons and I definitely understand and we have so much in common it's crazy! I'll say this, I know you can't see a positive light out of this and I know it's rough right now but I'm here if you ever want to talk. I was suggesting contacting your loan company because yes it's a business and they don't care about either of us but they have policies in place that I think you should use. If it's 1 less stressor to worry about then I was trying to help.

I messaged you. Thank you.

 

[omarofficial10]

Im so sorry :( that so shitty that you have to go through this. Fuck American capitalism. I hope you find peace.

 

[brokeandbroken]

Im so sorry :( that so shitty that you have to go through this. Fuck American capitalism. I hope you find peace.

The school was in Poland for international students I am American. The government is to blame and the American people for sure. Unless you are rich, famous, or the "right" person you wont get help. I'm white, nerdy, and socially awkward I'd say I'm on the bottom of the list to help... But I'm considered so awful by society if there was I wouldn't be on it... in the eyes of American society I have no value.

 

[Stormy Raine]

The school was in Poland for international students I am American. The government is to blame and the American people for sure. Unless you are rich, famous, or the "right" person you wont get help. I'm white, nerdy, and socially awkward I'd say I'm on the bottom of the list to help... But I'm considered so awful by society if there was I wouldn't be on it... in the eyes of American society I have no value.

I messaged you back, how have you been?