Never getting over it is making me suicidal. How do you get over your trauma?

[Pryras]

"What's done is done and we can't change the past, so move forward.."

The advice is always the same and never helps. If I could move on, I would? Being held hostage by my brain is unbearable. Not being able to go back and make different choices kills me. Allowing others to hurt me instead of walking away destroys me.


HOW do you get over the past? How do you stay present and move forward? I don't have hobbies, can't leave my room and can't stay asleep long enough to escape this torture.

 

[divinemistress36]

I wish I knew

 

[aWeeBitTired]

I don't think we can "get over it."

It's apart of us, it is our scars; and, for some us, literally.

There's no way to flip a switch and be happy, no fragrance, drug, or message will do that. But I think there a realization here. The past is just a thought, it has no effect on us, there are remnants but it cannot harm us further than it already has.

I struggle a lot with my past, I think it will be what I ponder once I do die, if by my hands or not. But as a good friend of mine once said in a similar wording: everyone is burdened by the past, it will never go away; even so, we must still carry on with what we must.

good luck friend

 

[Jealous Blackheart]

For me, it was losing everything. There's a line: "it's only after you've lost everything that you're free to do anything."

It couldn't possibly be more true for me. Literally, things can always be worse, but psychologically I was at terminal velocity. Think about how you'd feel winning $2 trillion vs $15 trillion. The literal difference between them is unreasonable, but both numbers are already unreasonable. Psychologically you couldn't differentiate between them.

Losing all my friends, running my accounts dry, purging my social media and emails in my prep to ctb. I really had nothing left to lose.
After failing countless attempts due to unreliable methods, I'm still here. Still ready to go, but moving forward.

What isn't purified with water will be purified by fire. And it took a lot of fire and burning everything down to move my feet, but they are moving, scars and all.

 

[needthebus]

"What's done is done and we can't change the past, so move forward.."

The advice is always the same and never helps. If I could move on, I would? Being held hostage by my brain is unbearable. Not being able to go back and make different choices kills me. Allowing others to hurt me instead of walking away destroys me.


HOW do you get over the past? How do you stay present and move forward? I don't have hobbies, can't leave my room and can't stay asleep long enough to escape this torture.

What happened to you? Did it physical damage you? Are you having flashbacks? Is there a reason you can't leave or do things?

 

[Pryras]

For me, it was losing everything. There's a line: "it's only after you've lost everything that you're free to do anything."

Totally understand and makes sense. I think things can get much worse and when they do it might shift my mind into pure survival mode whether I care to live or not. Whatever keeps us floating and existing.

In these last 7 years I've tried to self destruct by throwing myself into extreme situations in a bid to forget about my traumas and it actually helps me dissociate from the older stuff. It's not time that helps me but the new traumatic experiences that overtake the old ones. It's a stupid way to move forward but it's all I've got right now. Doing nothing and living with it was unimaginable more painful to me than creating more destruction in my life. I know that makes no sense but it's hard to describe here.

 

[endofeverything]

HOW do you get over the past?

that's a rough one to really answer. i don't really know it myself either. there are some injustices that happened decades ago that i'm still deeply hurt and upset about. little, silly things, but still it's crazy how hard it can be to move on.

as for bigger, genuinely traumatizing things, i have one example. of course, i don't know what your trauma is about, but i can describe how i dealt with my own trauma, maybe it's useful to you.

Spoiler: warning, describing sexual assault trauma here.

i was sexually assaulted some years back by a flatmate i had just moved in with. at first, i didn't even consider it rape, but simply a misunderstanding on his end, my fault for getting myself into it, it wasn't that bad, it was just weird sex, he was just very eager but didn't mean harm, etc. etc. but of course, this was just bad coping.

i used to have very physical trauma of that evening. for the longest time, i had an innate desire to cut the body parts off that he licked, and would randomly get vivid flashbacks of the wet feeling of his tongue that would make my entire body shiver with disgust. i would randomly remember the feeling of having to use my full leg strength to push him away from me, to no success. i had to live with him for a few more weeks after that, as i had nowhere else to go. i could hear his footsteps and his nonchalant whistling and singing. i spent most of those weeks hiding in my room and avoiding him as much as i could.

why i'm describing all this? because, talking about it as openly as i could helped me move past it. i was lucky to have had a therapist appointment coming up, where i was able to open up initially. soon after, i told a few friends. it took a while, but eventually i was able to talk about it like a "normal" event without any bad coping or lying to myself that "it wasn't that bad". the act of talking about it reduced it from a trauma my mind was clinging to, to a fact of life. it happened, it was horrifying, and i can't change or forget it. i could have avoided it if i was smarter that day, but it's pointless to blame myself. it's not my fault that some people are horrible human beings.

crucially, it doesn't haunt me nearly as much as it initially did. i don't think about it anymore, seeing this post was the first time i thought about it in months. i also don't want to cut off my body parts anymore. that feeling is gone entirely, and i'm very happy about it.

 

[human909]

I wish I knew

same

 

[Pryras]

What happened to you? Did it physical damage you? Are you having flashbacks? Is there a reason you can't leave or do things?

My issues are more mental ruminations than anything physical. Physically I'm fine besides some nerve damage from a botched suicide attempt. That doesn't bother me but the constant rumination of my past does. Being raped by a friend, mocked by women who I expected to support or understand me, working as an escort and having an abusive ex boyfriend.

 

[needthebus]

My issues are more mental ruminations than anything physical. Physically I'm fine besides some nerve damage from a botched suicide attempt. That doesn't bother me but the constant rumination of my past does. Being raped by a friend, mocked by women who I expected to support or understand me, working as an escort and having an abusive ex boyfriend.

Is there anything you want to do?

 

[platypus77]

My issues are more mental ruminations than anything physical. Physically I'm fine besides some nerve damage from a botched suicide attempt. That doesn't bother me but the constant rumination of my past does. Being raped by a friend, mocked by women who I expected to support or understand me, working as an escort and having an abusive ex boyfriend.

I can't even imagine the amount of distress you're having to deal with.

What I know is:

The pain happened.
You didn't deserve it.
It changed you, but it doesn't define you.
The present moment is still yours to shape.

"What's done is done and we can't change the past, so move forward.."

I heard phrases like this my whole life, and to me they only managed to transform the pain into anger.

I was reflecting about it earlier this week during my shadow work practice, and I think it's just a half measure.

Saying things like this to ourselves doesn't really make us feel better and for sure doesn't solve our problems.

It's only the first step, in DBT they call it "Radical Acceptance".

It's the hardest one to practice, for somethings it's easier, others I never really managed apply it, hence I'm here on SaSu but the skills do help.

Hope it helps (just an introduction):

 

[Jarring]

Omg i can relate fr. Ive been a hostage to my trauma for as long as i remember and only recently has it been toppling my life. Idk what to do and all ive been doing is coping and running away. Still stuck in a downward spiral of pain

 

[onthefence]

"What's done is done and we can't change the past, so move forward.."

The advice is always the same and never helps. If I could move on, I would? Being held hostage by my brain is unbearable. Not being able to go back and make different choices kills me. Allowing others to hurt me instead of walking away destroys me.


HOW do you get over the past? How do you stay present and move forward? I don't have hobbies, can't leave my room and can't stay asleep long enough to escape this torture.

This is one of the main reasons I want to CTB. Supposedly "things can get better" but the PTSD will never go away and I will always have to fight to keep it at bay. I'm so very tired.

 

[J&L383]

I don't think we can "get over it."

It's apart of us, it is our scars; and, for some us, literally.

There's no way to flip a switch and be happy, no fragrance, drug, or message will do that. But I think there a realization here. The past is just a thought, it has no effect on us, there are remnants but it cannot harm us further than it already has.

I struggle a lot with my past, I think it will be what I ponder once I do die, if by my hands or not. But as a good friend of mine once said in a similar wording: everyone is burdened by the past, it will never go away; even so, we must still carry on with what we must.

good luck friend

Agree. Thank you.

("scars, for some of us, literally" )

 

[avoid_slow_death]

Honestly? I think it's more learning to cope with it rather than getting over it. It will likely remain a part of your for the rest of your life, so you either learn to get it under control or it eats your mind until it becomes all you are.

 

[platypus77]

Honestly? I think it's more learning to cope with it rather than getting over it. It will likely remain a part of your for the rest of your life, so you either learn to get it under control or it eats your mind until it becomes all you are.

The greatest tragedy in life is not death, it's what dies inside of us while we're alive.

Reality only exists in our minds, everything that happens with it changes it forever. But we can choose what to do with it, at least in our inner worlds.