Venting Never felt this helpless

[samishii]

My dad, had an aborted heart attack recently, his lungs have fluid retention, and I can't fucking help it. My relationship with my dad us as fucked up as it can get imo, I love him, whereas he hates me.

I got the news yesterday that he is in the hospital. I was doing better than ever after 12 fucking years with good company of my friends, but after hearing about me, I broke down. I live abroad for uni I felt so helpless. I can't help him, I can't do shit.

I feel like I am one of the biggest reason for his worsening health being such a colossal burden on him especially from the monetary perspective.

My mom is the inly person present to support him and it breaks me that she herself has severe metal health issues.

My whole family is so fucked up, my dad is in depression, my mom has PTSD, my sister who is my favourite person (although she doesn't like me) is also suffering from depression and then me who has like a cocktail of both with some anxiety on top.

I have been actively suicidal for a long time and suddenly I feel like I cannot die right now. I hate that feeling of compulsion to not die.

I am fucked up to the point of no return, all I can do is suffer.
Sorry for anything wring with this thread, I just had no other place to vent.
Sorry

 

[CommitSudoku]

I'm sorry about your father's health decline, I know that must be incredibly stressful for you especially since you can't be there in person with him. I'm on good terms with my dad, I really wish I didn't have to hurt him - but he's getting older and something seems to be wrong with him since he's having trouble speaking. It's so scary being helpless watching someone else's decline and being unable to help, I guess that's maybe how others might feel about us sometimes. I can't come up with anything helpful to say but I hope your dad can recover. It's very hard constantly suffering, and I'm sorry for everything hitting you besides that. Best wishes whatever you decide to do.

 

[FuneralCry]

I'm sorry that you are suffering so much, I can imagine that it must be really hard being in that situation. It is awful when things just get worse, this life really can be so unfair and depressing. I wish you the best in whatever happens.

 

[Huntfish34]

That's a really tough situation to be in and I'm sorry you are having to deal with it all. I can relate to a certain extent,. My Dad was recently in the hospital for 13 days and it tore me apart. It had to do with his colon which really scares the shit out of me.

I haven't always liked him but I will Always Love him. Just hard to see him in this state,. Feels very hopeless. I wish you the best,. Thank you for sharing.

Thoughts and prayers always -