Need words of encouragement...

[suicidalstrawbabie]

I have my SN ready. Had my other pills.
I'm caught in a "just do it already" and frozen hands.

I know I want to die. I know I hate the world, my life, most people I know. I know it's better to have control of your death than the inevitable. I guess I just need some words to help me shake my frozen hands.

 

[StateOfMind]

Maybe you are dealing with survival instinct?
Search "SI" or "Survival instinct" for some inspiration.

 

[fluffymuffin]

We can't help you with that. You must be %100 certain about your decision and the fact that you want some encouragement is a bit concerning.

I think you should calm yourself first and do it when you're fully ready emotionally.

 

[WornOutLife]

I just can tell you that it is up to you to do this because it'll be the most important decision ever in your life: to die or not to die.


Also, the life you're living has brought you to this situation. Think of that. What's good and what's bad about living? Once you have everything balanced you'll feel more relaxed and be able to make a decision.

Whatever you decide, I wish you the best and hope you find the peace you're looking for!

 

[MichaelNomad123]

I think if you've frozen and you're asking for help then perhaps there's a reason for that other than simply survival instinct. I would suggest putting it on hold or posting for a partner until you are ready.

 

[suicidalstrawbabie]

We can't help you with that. You must be %100 certain about your decision and the fact that you want some encouragement is a bit concerning.

I think you should calm yourself first and do it when you're fully ready emotionally.

The dumb thing is I am feeling calm, my hands just don't want to move. SI is a bitch

 

[fluffymuffin]

The dumb thing is I am feeling calm, my hands just don't want to move. SI is a bitch

If that's the case, it's normal for you to feel this way. I often get panic attacks from considering it as well. I recommend listening to a song to distract you.

Just know you're not alone and it's okay to not be able to do it.

 

[kqlysrsly]

The dumb thing is I am feeling calm, my hands just don't want to move. SI is a bitch

There are plenty of ways to eliminate SI completely.

SI is natural and it's a mechanism functioning to protect your organism.

I echo the previous comments that you should take some time and think it over.

 

[whywere]

Yes SI is natural, now maybe just maybe, now again NOT ctb or pro life at all, just very sound decisions is all, take a step back rethink and then go forward with whatever decision you have made? Whatever your decision is I wish you all the love and happiness in this world and beyond.

 

[Symbiote]

Today is not the day for you. Sleep it off or do some reflection.

 

[262653]

I remember once visiting a thread in recovery section about someone's... let's call it a story about successful recovery. That was the only place on this forum where I got some fuel. In recovery section. Isn't that funny? One would think that there is no better place to get fueled than this one, but my experience here has been entirely different. Maybe I'm finding solace in the fact that I'm not alone in my shit. Maybe I enjoy the company of intelligent, open-minded, perceptive, self-aware people. And people who I can relate at least to some extent. Occasionally there is fun and drama, and I get to feel depressed when I read too much whining if it doesn't provide me with any valuable insight, but overall I don't get any fuel here except for very very few recovery posts. You may call it a negative influence. It's when success of others inspires not to follow but to go the opposite way, or when looking at failures and wretches inspire others to walk away from the disastrous path as not to face the same fate. All the fuel I've ever got was from interacting with normies and comparing myself with people I deem successful enough...

 

[bzzm]

Well for anyone who's interested she succeeded tonight. She is my roommate, my beloved friend, my heart and now she's gone. I found her tonight in her room. That will never leave me, I can't think about her without that image burning in my mind. This was not a good idea. I know it's her choice, but finding that was fucked up. I don't know what I'll do without her. She's thought about this every day since before I even met her. And I've grieved her several times. She was just a baby and just gaining a sense of independence. It's true we have choices we have to make. And finding your freedom only expands the experience and amazing intricacies in this life—your choices. She was so young. All I wanted was for her to experience her freedoms. And to outgrow her fears. But she always had her mind made. To end her pain and her suffering and to ignore the doors that were opening for her. I was so proud of her lately. She was working on all this change in her life. And making progress. In the years I've known her she's never put so much initiative into herself. I've seen her at some real lows. I'm shook. We're synonymous with each other, she's like my other half. She was Justice and love. She was better than most. And I've lost her forever and no one will ever love me like she has.

 

[Ghost2211]

If SI is whats stopping you that is something you need to work through internally. I really doubt any words of encouragement you could be given would be stronger than SI even if anyone was willing to do so. There is a lot of good info on this sight about overcoming SI.

 

[Spitfire]

Well for anyone who's interested she succeeded tonight. She is my roommate, my beloved friend, my heart and now she's gone. I found her tonight in her room. That will never leave me, I can't think about her without that image burning in my mind. This was not a good idea. I know it's her choice, but finding that was fucked up. I don't know what I'll do without her. She's thought about this every day since before I even met her. And I've grieved her several times. She was just a baby and just gaining a sense of independence. It's true we have choices we have to make. And finding your freedom only expands the experience and amazing intricacies in this life—your choices. She was so young. All I wanted was for her to experience her freedoms. And to outgrow her fears. But she always had her mind made. To end her pain and her suffering and to ignore the doors that were opening for her. I was so proud of her lately. She was working on all this change in her life. And making progress. In the years I've known her she's never put so much initiative into herself. I've seen her at some real lows. I'm shook. We're synonymous with each other, she's like my other half. She was Justice and love. She was better than most. And I've lost her forever and no one will ever love me like she has.

Thank you bzzm.

That must have been tough for you to see. Her and you are both in my thoughts. I hope you find comfort for yourself in the days to follow.

 

[Rn110bg101]

Rest well. I hope you found happiness.

 

[x~Sophia~x]

I'm so sorry for your tremendous loss, bzzm I hope you get some comfort from knowing your lovely friend is now at peace.